THE POSTMAN
So the war dept was gone for the day ...omg. I
really did think I was going to starve! I would not
say that I am exceptionally blessed with culinary
skills. Definitely NOT my strong point in life.
So her note says. "There is cold pizza in the
fridge. Already cooked. Just warm it up..."
Enjoy the jokes!
Jack was always insisting to his wife that women talk much more than men. In order to prove
his point, he showed her a study which indicated that, on average, men use approximately 1300
words per day as opposed to women, who use approximately 2600. His wife thought about all of
this for a moment and then replied, "That's very easy to explain. Women have to use twice as
many words as men because women have to repeat everything they say."
A couple has a male friend who's visiting from out-of-state, when an unexpected blizzard blows in,
and keeps him from traveling.
Since the couple has no guest room, he states his intention to find a nearby hotel, and be on his way in the morning.
"Nonsense," says the wife. "Our bed is plenty big enough for all three of us, and we're all friends here."
The husband concurs, and before long they're settled in: husband in the middle, wife on his left, friend on his right.
After a while, the husband begins snoring, and the wife sneaks over to the friend's side of the bed,
and invites him to have sex with her.
Naturally, he'd like to, but he's reluctant.
"We're in the same bed with your husband! He'll wake up, and he'll kill me."
"Don't worry about it," she says, "he's such a sound sleeper, he'll never notice. If you don't believe me,
just yank a hair off of his butt. He won't even wake up."
So the friend yanks a hair off the husband's anus, and sure enough, she's right.
Her husband sleeps right through having a hair yanked out of his butt.
So, she and the friend have sex, and then she goes back to her side of the bed.
After about twenty minutes, though, she's back on his side of the bed, asking him to do it again.
The same argument follows, another hair is yanked from the husband's corn hole, and again they have sex.
This keeps up for about half the night, until after about the sixth time, when the wife goes back to her side.
Then the husband rolls over, and whispers to his friend, "I don't mind that you're shagging my wife,
but do you really have to use my butthole as your scoreboard?"
A beautiful woman loves to garden, but can't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red.
She asks her neighbor, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?" He replies,
"Twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself. My tomatoes turn
red from blushing so much." The woman decides to do the same thing. So twice a day for
two weeks she exposes herself to the garden. Her neighbor asks, "How did it go? Did you
tomatoes turn red?" "No," she replies, "but my cucumbers are enormous."
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.
One woman said, "I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does."
The second woman giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."
The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, "Say, what do you call your husband?"
She frowned and said, "The postman."
"Why the postman?"
"Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."
Three sisters wanted to get married, but their parents couldn't afford it so they had all of them on the
same day. They also couldn't afford to go on a honeymoon so they all stayed home with their new
hubbies. That night the mother got up because she couldn't sleep. When she went past her oldest
daughter's room she heard screaming. Then she went to her second daughters room and she heard
laughing. Then she went to her youngest daughter's room and she couldn't hear anything.
The next morning when the men left the mother asked her oldest daughter, "Why were you screaming
last night?" The daughter replied "Mom you always told me if something hurt I should scream."
"That's true." She looked at her second daughter. "Why were you laughing so much last night?"
The daughter replied "Mom you always said that if something tickled you should laugh." "That's also true."
Then the mother looked at her youngest daughter. "Why was it so quiet in your room last night?" The youngest
daughter replied "Mom you always told me I should never talk with my mouth full."
ON THE WEB
fall where is it going
Starbucks
let me get this straight
the bat signal
when you wake up
in Burgerking
how comfortable do you feel
where my friends are
did you hear
way too long
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