THE POSTMAN
So, I am going down the road, and I counted. In the space of
about 5 miles, I see 3 people using their phone while driving. And one
was texting! Truly amazes me ! What could possibly be so important
that it cannot wait until you get where you are going and call someone
back? Or are you scared you may die before you get a chance to do so?
Maybe just keep texting while driving ...and that will happen.I do not text and
use my phone while driving. I need my hands free so I can make rude
gestures at rude people when they are not paying attention.
ENJOY THE JOKES
A very thirsty man goes into a bar.
As he's sitting down, he hears the man next to him tell the bartender, "I'll have another waterloo."
The bartender gives the fellow a tall, well-iced drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink.
Thinking the other man's drink may be a specialty of the house, he says, "I'll have a waterloo, too."
The bartender gives him the tall, well-iced drink, and the customer takes a big drink.
"Hey," he says, "this isn't any good. It tastes just like water!"
The man next to him looks at the bartender and says, "Well, it is water.!
Right, Lou?"
Way down the Mississippi River, two tugboat captains who had been friends
for years, would always cry, "Aye!" and blow their whistles whenever they passed each other.
A new crewman asked his boat's mate, "What do they do that for?" The mate looked
surprised and replied, "You mean that you've never heard of an aye for an aye and a toot for a toot?"
'Well, Ted, you're certainly coming up in the world. What's the idea of playing golf with not
one, but two caddies!' 'Oh, it was my wife's idea.' 'Your wife?' 'Yeah,' answers Ted,
'She thought I should spend more time with the kids.'
A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial
straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray...'God, please
help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well.
Please let me win the Lotto.' Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it. She again prays...'God,
please let me win the Lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well.'
Lotto night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays...'My God, why have You forsaken me?
I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help,
and I have always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the Lotto just this one time so I can
get my life back in order.' Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The
blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God Himself...'Sweetheart, work with Me on this... Buy a ticket'
Son: ''Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?''
Dad: ''Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine.''
Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it is 20% off.
ON THE WEB
gimme all your money
the ATM
not here
you need a boarding pass
rescue
Betcha
I'm sorry sir
books for dummies
boot it
really a bore
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