Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Hello all. I have been feeling a little better each day, as changes in
medications improve my health and Physical Therapy is improving
my back and getting my muscles a little more flexible. I have even
improved my general looks a little bit by removing the 8 inches of
hair or so that had grown since last summer which no matter how
much conditioner I used would quickly turn stringy and all hang
off one side. It looked like a combover done by someone of diminished
mental capacity and that isn't a reference to Donald Trump.
Physical therapy gets a little complicated for scheduling as Eva, Buffy,
and I are all going to therapy but Buffy and I are in for 45 minutes for
our backs and Eva is there for a half hour for speech therapy. Hospital
rules don't permit minors to run loose so I go in first and then Eva and
Buffy go in as I am coming out. Friday when we went, Eva and Buffy
were headed in as I came out and I watched TV and waited for Eva to
get done. About 30 minutes later the tech brought Eva out and she
started
playing with a group of kids her age crawling under the benches and
running around in circles. About ten minutes later another tech came out
and took Eva back inside. It was a bit curious but not strange and after
5
minutes the first tech brought her back out. The other girl had thought
that there was no one out there to watch Eva because she didn't
recognize
me with my haircut. That was when I realized how bad my hair must
have looked if she couldn't recognize a 330 lb. buffalo with a white
beard.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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Message Chips
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Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns
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Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping
through them, they can never have an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about
that.
Sincerely, Logic
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Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic
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Dear America ,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely, Canada
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Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." Just
saying...
Sincerely, Google
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Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF
happened?!
Sincerely,
1985
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Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely, BP
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Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely, Black people
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Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely, Sarah Palin
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Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies
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Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely, Alcohol
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Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ended there because
some Spanish douche bags invaded our country and we got a little busy
ok?
Sincerely, The Mayans
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Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely, Native Americans
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Dear iPhone,
Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You
piece of shut.
Sincerely, Every iPhone User
-------------------------------------------------------
Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up....
Sincerely, The Girls of Jersey Shore
---------------------------------------------
Dear Man,
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely, Elephant
J Brooks
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hope you don't mind
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e026.html
man and dog
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e027.html
a little box
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e028.html
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Gun Chips
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On the news this week was a story about a southern California man put
under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100
guns and allegedly had (by rough estimate) 1-million rounds of
ammunition stored in his home. The house also featured a secret escape
tunnel.
My favorite quote from the dimwit television reporter: "Wow! He
has about a million machine gun bullets." The headline referred to it as
a "massive weapons cache".
By southern California standards someone even owning 100,000
rounds would be called "mentally unstable."
Just imagine if he lived elsewhere:
In Arizona he'd be called "an avid gun collector".
In Arkansas , he'd be called "a novice gun collector".
In Utah , he'd be called "moderately well prepared", but they'd
probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a
corresponding quantity of stored food.
In Montana , he'd be called "The neighborhood 'Go-To' guy".
In Idaho , he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate".
In Wyoming , he'd be called "an eligible bachelor".
And, in Texas , he'd be called, "my huntin' buddy".
Allen
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Swen Chips
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One day, while fishing under the I-94 bridge in West Central
Wisconsin,
Gustov made a confession.
"Ve all been friends for tirty year and been tru a lot. I never told
ya
dis
before cause I didn't Vanna ruin our friendship, but I'm gay."
Ole looked over at Sven and said, "We kinda figured dat out a vhile
back,
but vasn't gonna say nutting cause ve din't vanna embarrass you".
Gustov thanked them for their understanding and continued, "Da reason
I'm
tellin' ya dis is cause I got AIDS and I got only six munts to liv.
You
are
da only family I got and I vant ya to promise me dat ya vont let dem
barry
me. I'm scared of dem caskets. I vanna be cremated.
Den, I vant ya to trow my ashes from dat bridge into dis river vhere
ve've
spent so much time together." Ole and Sven wiped back a few tears,
then
agreed to do what their friend as asked.
By Golly, six munts later Gustov up and died. They were standin' on
the
bridge with the ashes. Ole was about to trow them out when Sven stop
him:
Vait, you gotta say sumting," he says.
"I don't know vhat to say. I never waz much bout goin' to church" Ole
admitted.
Sven, he scratch his head, "Just say somting....anyting, Make it
rhyme."
Ole, he tought about it a while and started trowing the ashes out over
the
river and said, "Ashes to ashes, Dus to dus, If you liked vomen, You'd
be
here wit us."
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Dark Chips
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A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at
work.
Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her
husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.
The
boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250."
A few weeks later it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover
are
in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine."
The following weekend, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove.
Let's go outside and toss the baseball." The boy says, "I can't. I
sold
them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says,
"$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like
that.
That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to
church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest, and makes the
little
boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again".
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poetry Chips
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I'll tell you a short poem; I'll try to make it quick.
You might think it quite harmless; You might well find it sick.
The subject is quite simple: The joy of having a dick.
Penises are super things; You ladies should be jealous.
Ever since the early days, When it was small and hairless;
I've looked upon that bit of flesh, As something very precious.
It starts to grow dramatically, When you're about thirteen.
Your testicles on either side; Your willy in between.
When erect it's quite a sight; A purple love machine.
It dangles neatly down below; Obedient and loyal.
Its seeds are hidden well within; Awaiting some fresh soil.
At the slightest hint of lust, It's ready to uncoil.
It has a mind all of its own; It's like a wild beast.
It squirms and writhes and stretches out; When you expect it least.
You can't control its energy; You must wait 'til it's ceased.
Handle it with love and care; For it can give great pleasure.
Has it grown since last weekend? And when did you last measure?
Still, no matter what its length; It's something you should treasure.
Sometimes, yes, it misbehaves; Erecting when it shouldn't.
A bumpy train ride sets it off; Just when you wish it wouldn't.
Did that lady notice it? You blush and hope she couldn't.
Some people fret about its size; They give it lots of thought.
Is seven inches long enough? It makes blokes quite distraught.
They peek across in public loose, And try not to get caught.
Masturbating is a sin; That's what some folk believe.
But those are just old wives' tales; Outdated and naive.
And if you're feeling tense or stressed, A quick wank does relieve.
Without this fabulous device, No shag would be complete.
Lesbians will try their best; But must admit defeat.
And what a handy tool it is, When one needs to excrete.
The penis is quite marvelous; It has so many uses.
For women it is special too; Excitement it induces.
And babies can be procreated, From its sperm-filled juices.
And always it remains with you; Until you're old and frail.
Don't take it out in public though, Or you'll be thrown in jail.
Just look at it and feel proud; And thank the lord you're male.
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LynnLynn's Links
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PianoLadyNancy w/Easter Bunnies
http://www.pianoladynancy.com/Easter_Bunnies.htm
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Riddle Chips
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One day two drunks are sitting in a bar drinking. One drunk notices a
sign
saying, "Lady in the back."
Being curious, they called the bartender over and asked what it
meant. The
bartender says, "Well, there is a lady in the back that will satisfy
all
your requests for only $20.00 and the answer to a riddle."
One of the drunks, thinking how cheap and easy it should be, gives the
bartender a twenty and heads for the back.
Laying on the bed is a beautiful and voluptuous red head. The drunk
says,
"I paid my twenty so what is the riddle?"
The red head says, "If my pussy was to sail out to sea, how would you
bring my pussy back to me?"
The drunk thinks for a minute and then answers, "I don't know. How'd
the
damn cat get out there?"
The red head laughs and says, "Go on, you didn't answer the riddle."
The drunk, pissed off and embarrassed, sits down by his buddy. The
buddy
is anxiously waiting to hear what happened and asks, "Well, how good
was
it?"
Feeling very embarrassed, the drunk answers, " I couldn't answer this
damn
riddle about some f****** cat."
So the second drunk says, "Well, this I've got to try." He calls the
bartender over and throws him a twenty while heading for the back
room.
There lies the beautiful and voluptuous red head, all spread out and
smiling. She proceeds to say, "If my pussy was to sail out to sea, how
would you bring my pussy back to me?"
The second drunk answers, "Well, I don't know. Don't you think the
damn
cat is dead by now?"
She laughs and says, "Go on, you didn't answer the riddle."
Now the drunks are pissed, frustrated, and out forty dollars. While
complaining to the bartender, in walks this huge sailor with his
duffle
bag. He walks up to the bartender, throws a twenty down and
says, "Where
is the room?" The bartender stands back and just points the way for
the
sailor.
The sailor opens the door and says, "Okay, let's hear it."
The voluptuous red head, with eyes open wide, sits up and says, "If my
pussy was to sail out to sea, how would you bring my pussy back to
me?"
The sailor, taking his duffle bag and throwing it on the floor says:
"Well, with this bag I'll make a boat,
And with my balls, I'll make it float.
With my dick, I'll make and oar,
And row your pussy back to shore."
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Toon Chips
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GF Chips
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During sex my girlfriend suffers from temporary paralysis from the waist
down. Whenever I put my penis there' she never feels a thing. So I
decided we should go to a doctor. Reluctantly my girlfriend agreed, and
came along with me.
The doctor asked her, "Do you know if this runs in the family?"
My girlfriend replied, "I don't think so. It never happens when I'm
with his brothers or his friends."
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Parting Chips
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Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another
2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven, Sir.
Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 cats, and
another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven
Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2
apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats
and another 2,
how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven!!!
An angry Teacher: Where in the hell do you get seven from ?
Very angry Johnny: Because I've already got a fucking cat at
home!!!
Don G
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2143
Susan Can Ill Afford
(another story..alas I had to change Ginger to Val.sniff sniff)
Meanwhile at the Dog-House
Ring ring ring
Sandi: Hello
BJ: Sandi, this is an emergency. Susan is feeling ill.
Sandi: Egads, we will take care of it. Click!
Sirens wail...
Sandi on the megaphone: Katie, Rudy, Ginger we are needed at
daddy's work, Susan is in trouble. She is ill.
Rudy: Oh good I get to operate.
Katie comes out in a doctor's frock. I think we will do xrays and then
put her down.
Sandi: Slow down, we do not know what is wrong yet. I will warm up
the ambulance.
They rush out to the ambulance...sirens wail and in a little bit.
Rudy pushes Ginger in a wheelchair as Sandi and Katie carry a stretcher
into American Fidelity.
Rudy: Clear the way! Emergency!
Phil: What is this?
Rudy: Out of the way buster! Slug!
Thud!
Sandi: To the elevators!!
Susan is quietly working in her cubicle when she hears a distubance.
Crash, bam, Ka-pow!
Katie: Here she is! Follow me!
Susan: Hi guys!
Rudy: She is in shock. Put her in the stretcher.
Katie: Give her a doggie bone to settle her down.
Val: Poor thing....do you think she will have to be put down?
Rudy: We will do what we can.
Sandi: Here put this flea and tick collar on her. Next give her this
worm
pill.
Susan: Ack!
Rudy: She is looking better already. Give me my water bowl. She
might be thirsty. A can of alpo next please.
Katie: What is the problem Susan?
Susan: I feel crappy.
Rudy: She needs to poo. Take her outside on a leash.
Susan: No, no, not that kind of poo.
Val: There are other kinds of poo?
Susan: It is a term that means, not feeling well.
Katie: Oh, yes, well go home, sleep and call us in the morning.
Fifty dollars please.
Susan: But but but.
Katie: Cash, check or credit card?
The Herd
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Adult Adult Adult
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Remember 9/11/01
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