Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
It is 32 degrees outside for the first time this month.
My gas bill for last month's heat was already over 150
dollars so I hate to see what this one will be. I had
to get blood work done today and driving wasn't all
that pleasant. With some fresh snow on the ground and
the salt from previous storms melting the stuff in the
street, it is almost like driving in thick vanilla
pudding. On a day where the equipment could be out
scraping the streets bare they are nowhere to be found.
This cold is doing a good job at making ice on the
Lakes with some of the bays already covered. Not enough
for everyone to drag their fishing shacks out into
deep water yet, but enough for the lake effect snow
to slow down when you don't have 45 mph winds behind
it. Already the ice breaking tugs here have been called
out to free a Canadian steamer stuck in 16 inches of
plate ice and we have several in the area to keep
things open till the end of shipping season and the new icebreaker
Mackinaw will be available at the end of shipping season, January
15th. Once shipping season is
over the ice the ice is allowed to freeze over except to the larger
islands to keep ferry service running. People living on Neebish
Island lose their ferry service and are stranded on the island till
the ice bridge becomes strong enough to drive across and then again
in the spring
when they open up the channel for shipping. If you
want to go school or work you have to make living
arrangements on the mainland. Even the people on the
larger islands can be affected by heavy ice too
so frankly I prefer my life on the mainland.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Snow Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER:
December 8 - 6:00 PM It started to snow. The first snow of the
season and the wife
and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the
huge soft flakes
drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So
romantic, we felt like
newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every
inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more
lovely place in the
whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled
for the first time
in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the
sidewalks. This
afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and
closed in the
driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12 - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment! My
neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white
Christmas. No snow on
Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end
of winter,
that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's
possible. Bob is such a
nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14 - Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The
temperature dropped to
-20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath
away, but I
warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!
The snowplow
came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't
realize I would have
to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape
this way. I wish
I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15 - 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4
Blazer. Bought snow
tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer.
The wife wants a wood
stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We
aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in
the driveway putting
down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I
think was very cruel.
December 17 - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity
was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
Nothing to do but stare
at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a
wood stove, but won't
admit it to her. God! I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm
freezing to death in
my own living room.
December 20 - Electricity'
the damn stuff last
night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find
a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing
hockey. I think they're
lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a
snow blower and
they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're
lying. Bob says I
have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think
he's lying.
December 22 - Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
inches of
the white shit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt
till August. Took me
45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had
to piss. By the
time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to
shovel. Tried to
hire Bob-who has a plow on his truck-for the rest of the winter, but
he says he's too
busy. I think the asshole is lying.
December 23 - Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted
me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she,
nuts?!! Why didn't
she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think
she's lying.
December 24 - 6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke
the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a
bitch who drives
that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat
him to death
with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits
for me to finish
shoveling, and then he comes down the street...at a 100 miles an hour
and throws
snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to
sing Christmas
carols with her and open our presents...but I was too busy watching
for the damn
snowplow.
December 25 - Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn
slop tonight -
snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the
snow! Then
the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over
the head with
my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a
fricking idiot. If I
have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to
stuff her into the
microwave.
December 26 - Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It
was all HER
idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27 - Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze;
plumber came
after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to
replace all my pipes.
December 28 - Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is
driving me
crazy!!!
December 29 - 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or
it could cave
in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I
am?
December 30 - Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now
he is suing
me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but
also for trying to
shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her
mother. Nine
more inches predicted.
December 31 - I set fire to what's left of the house. No more
shoveling.
January 8 - Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they
keep giving me. Why
am I tied to the bed ???
Bob Jones
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Genie Of The Left Tit
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Dutch Date
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Robbery
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Can You Hear Me Now
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Glove Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young man wanted to purchase a Christmas gift for his girlfriend.
After careful consideration, he decided on a pair of gloves.
Accompanied by his girlfriend's sister, he went to a department store
and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of
white panties for herself.
During the wrapping of the items, the clerk inadvertently mixed up
the packages. The clerk handed the young man the packaged panties
and then handed the packaged gloves to the sister.
On Christmas day, his girlfriend opened the gift, along with the
following note:
Dear Kathy, This is a little gift to show my love for you on
Christmas day. I chose these because I noticed that you're not in
the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. Had it not
been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the
buttons, but she wears short ones that are easy to remove.
They're a delicate shade, but not to worry because the female clerk
showed me a pair that she'd been wearing for three weeks and they
were hardly soiled. I had a young salesgirl try them on for me and
she really looked smart.
I wish I was there to put them on for you for the first time since no
doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I get a
chance to see you again.
When you take them off, remember to blow into them before putting
them away since they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Also, be sure to keep them on when you clean them or otherwise they
might shrink.
Just think how many times I will kiss them in the coming year. I
hope you like them and will wear them for me on New Year's.
All my love, Anthony P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded
down with a little fur showing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Santa Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa Claus, Inc.
North Pole
Dear ____________
I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good
this
year, and since you have, I will be telling my elves to make some
goodies for me to leave under your tree on Christmas.
I was going to bring you all the gifts from the "Twelve Days of
Christmas," but we have a little problem up here. The Twelve Fiddlers
fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the Ten Ladies
Dancing; the Eleven Lords a Leaping have knocked up the Eight Maids a
Milking; the Nine Pipers Playing have been arrested for doing weird
things to the Seven Swans a Swimming; and the Six Geese a Laying, Four
Calling Birds, Three French Hens, Two Turtle Doves, and the Partridge
In a Pear Tree have me up to my ass in bird crap!
On top of all this, Mrs. Claus is going through the menopause, eight
of
my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the Gay Liberation
Movement, and those dumb-ass Polacks have scheduled Christmas in
Poland
for the 5th of February.
Sincerely,
SANTA
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger.
One of
the wise men was exceptionally tall, and bumped his head on the low
doorway
as he entered the stable.
"Jesus Christ!" he shouted.
Joseph said, "Write that down, Mary; it's better than Clyde!"
On their wedding night, Bruce displays his dick to his new blonde
virgin bride and tells her it's the only one in the world. She, of
course, believes him. He's gone for a conference for a couple of
weeks and returns, only to be questioned by his new wife.
"Bruce," she says, "I thought you said you had the only one in the
world. But Harry at the drug store has one too."
"Well, er," Bruce flusters, "Harry and I were in the war together, I
had two, so I gave him one of mine."
"Oh. Well, why did you give him the big one?"
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Princess Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once upon a time there was a king who had a beautiful daughter. One
day a
young prince from a nearby kingdom came by for a visit.
That night, after everyone had gone to bed, the prince snuck out of
his room
and entered the princess' room. She said, "What are you doing in my
room?
Leave immediately or I will call my father!"
The Prince said, "Don't be frightened. I am not going to hurt you.
You are
so beautiful. I just want to kiss you and hold you."
He kissed her lips and here and there and everywhere. Soon he had
gone
where no man had gone before. They were enthusiastically doing the
nasty.
After he finished, he rolled over and relaxed.
She said, "Wow! That was fun. Let's do it again."
He climbed back in the saddle for seconds. Then again rolled over
and
relaxed.
She said, "That was so good. We have to do it again."
He wasn't very enthusiastic, but he just managed to rise again to the
occasion. He then rolled over and again tried to relax.
She said, "Come on, let's do it again."
The prince said, "Leave me alone or I will call your father."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Kosher Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Old man Willy Blumenfeld was getting on in years. His son, Harold,
had done well financially in ladies' underwear. He asked his father
if he'd like to go down to Miami Beach. He thought it would be good
for the old man to have companionship and balmy weather as well in
his declining years. The old man was pleased but consented to go only
if he could be at a Kosher hotel. And so Harold made reservations at
the Sterling Hotel and put his father on a plane for Miami Beach. His
son phoned him once a week and everyone seemed happy. Some weeks
later, Harold had to make a business trip south and decided to drop
in on pop unannounced as a surprise. When he got to the Sterling
Hotel, there was no sign of old man Blumenfeld. He asked the desk
clerk if he had any idea where his father might be and he was told he
might try room 402 at the Sans Souci. Harold hopped into a cab and
headed for the Sans Souci. He learned at the desk that room 402 was
occupied by a Miss Peggy Murphy. Harold rushed up to room 402,
knocked at the door, which was opened by a tall, sparsely dressed
redhead. And there was papa in a bathrobe! Harold was furious! Unable
to contain himself, he screamed, "Papa, I'm so shocked I don't know
what to say! An old religious man like you! And you insisted yet you
must stay at a Kosher hotel!" The old man looked at him as if crazy
and said, "So, what are you getting so excited for? I don't eat here!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
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Subscribers and Friends
Connie Sue w/ Little Drummer Boy
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Color Chart
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Movies
Get Away
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Leaf Blower
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Self Filling
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Choking
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Uncle Chopper Email
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tips Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tips for the ladies in year 2008
1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.
2. If the shoe fits - buy one in every colour.
3. Take life with a pinch of salt... A wedge of lime, and a shot of
tequila.
4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!
5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).
6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and
deal with it.
7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just
your personality.
8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me
here.
9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
10. Don't get your knickers in a knot, it solves nothing; and makes
you walk funny.
11. When life gives you lemons in 2008 - turn it into lemonade then
mix it with vodka.
12. Remember every good looking; sweet, single male is someone else's
ex-boyfriend\
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tax Audit
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Future Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The year is 2234....
D: Hey, Mike, what's that you have?
M: Oh, hi Dave, that's something very secret the boys in the lab are
working on...
D: Come on, give me a look...
M: Well OK then. This will be THE big breakthrough in data
presentation and storage. Here, let me show you. See this wafer-thin
white display unit?
D: What? is that a full display?? That thin?
M: Yep. And see this pointer here? When I move it across the display,
it leaves a trail, so I can write directly on the display, and the
display will store the image.
D: That's fantastic. Where is the drive unit?
M: This is it. It doesn't need any other resources. No power, no
batteries, no nothing.
D: What an incredible discovery...
M: Now look at this.
D: Oh, your closing the unit. Well, I can do that as well with my
notebook.
M: Hey, yes, but look I can fold it many times. See? Now it fits in
my wallet.
D: So you can always carry it with you...Brilliant! Hey, let me hold
it for a moment? Gee, it's so light!!! I'm dreaming!!
M: No, you're not dreaming. Look, now I open it up again. See the
image is still there. Now watch...
D: Hey, you're ripping the unit to pieces. What a waste!!
M: Yes, but look, I can hold them together, and the image is
restored. This material is fantastic.
D: Incredible. Can't do that with my flashcard. Ha, ha... What are
you doing now? You're jumping up and down in the display!... Oh, my
God, it's still working! Say Mike what is the safe storage time for
the unit?
M: Oh, they say it will be a few centuries at least, perhaps even
longer than a thousand years without too much degradation.
D: Gee, must be some stable magnetic fields they use.
M: Yes. The boys at Microsoft-Intel claim it will do away with
monitors, computers, notebooks... They'll release it early next year,
when they have finished the colour version. This is only a Black and
White gamma release.
D: What is it going to be called?
M: Paper35
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young sailor is on his first shore leave in Bangkok. His buddies
decide
to fix him up at a whorehouse after a night on the town. They arrive
at a
local brothel, where the madam is quite familiar with American
servicemen on
leave looking for a good time.
He is escorted to a room where a young, flexible Asian waits for
him. She
quickly removes his shirt and unbuttons his pants, then she takes off
all of
her clothes and throws herself on the bed. The young sailor is
somewhat
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points to a pile of straps and chains on the dresser and moans the
word
'bondage'.
The sailor is totally clueless about S & M, and he backs up and
leaves the
room to find his buddies. He gets downstairs, where his friends see
him and
ask him why it only took 5 minutes. He replied "Oh, nothing
happened - all
these years and I've never known how to tie a Thai."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.
Got a call center in Pakistan.
I told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Larry Faehling, KL7IBV in Wisconsin
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"The Native Americans found out what happens when
you don't control immigration.
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1175
Katie's Turn
Diana comes home from choir practice and sees BJ with a bloody
lip, bandages on his arm.
Diana: What happened to you?
BJ: Oh Katie and I were boxing again.
Diana: What and she did that to you?
BJ: Well she is pretty fast with her blows.
Diana: But she is a 33 lb weakling.
BJ: That strikes very fast.
Just then Katie enters the room wearing a robe with the
writing "Lightweight Champion" on the back. She is wearing
silk boxing shorts.
Katie: Wanna go a couple of more rounds father?
BJ: I think my boxing days are over Katherine. Maybe Rudy would
like to box with you.
Rudy: Yeah, I will box with you Katie.
Katie: Err-ah, I think I will retire as the champion.
The herd in Guthrie
(I did get a fat lip from Katie and we do like to box.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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