[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Wed



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

I went to my doctor's appointment and all was normal till he got
to my iron test. It was bad before and had dropped slightly since
then. He had prescribed iron tablets and after a month I had
weighed the advantages of not being anemic with the disadvantages
of only going to the bathroom every three days and decided
being anemic wasn't all that bad. I told him that Coca Cola was
funding a study on Pizza and Coke helping people with low iron
and he wasn't impressed citing rise in blood sugar and cholesterol.
He put me back on the iron again with multi-vitamins, and stool
softeners. I told him the stool softeners hadn't done any good the
lat time I took them that the stools in my favorite bar were just
as hard after I took them as they were before. He enjoyed that
old joke so I told him a few fish jokes and got out of there before he
had me try a few more drugs.

Enjoy the chips.... buffalo

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Poo Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How To Poo

15 Easy Steps To Poo Like A Woman:

1. Under no circumstance use any other toilet than your own,
regardless of any stomach pain caused while waiting to get home.

2. With the toilet brush, clean any residue left on the toilet by your
boyfriend/husband. Also wipe his pubes off the seat with some toilet
paper.

3. Flush the toilet before starting. Then wash your hands.

4. Line the toilet seat with toilet paper (as other people may have
sat on the toilet since it was last bleached).

5. Toss some toilet paper inside the bowl to prevent splash-back.

6. Pull panties down and sit. Some women may still refer to squat over
the seat as opposed to taking the risk of touching it with bare flesh.

7. Release solids, but strain to avoid making any sounds.

8. Rise and quickly flush before direct eye contact is made with any
fecal matter.

9. Take a length of toilet paper and fold it several times to
positively guarantee that no residue will touch bare skin.

10. Wipe once and drop paper into toilet. Do not look at the paper.

11. Repeat steps 9 and 10 at least 30 times. It may be necessary to
yell for your boyfriend/husband to find some more rolls to pass
through the door while promising not to open his eyes or pass any
comments. It is traditional to do this while he is trying to watch
sports.

12. Flush the toilet and close the lid.

13. Wash hands at least three times with disinfectant soap.

14. Open all windows and spray approximately half-a-can of air
freshener.

15. Pick up all reading material left behind by your boyfriend/husband
and leave bathroom, closing door firmly behind you.

15 Easy Steps To Shit Like A Man:

1. Select reading material (can be anything except a porno mag; tried
by every man once, but never repeated - see Step 4).

2. Tell everyone along the way, "Just going for a dump, okay?" Always
tell girlfriend/wife, especially when she has visitors.

3. Pull pants and trousers around ankles, then sit down.

4. Adjust penis and testicles to hang comfortably without touching the
toilet rim.

5. Open reading material and relax.

6. While waiting, it is traditional to attempt to fart loudly.
Bathrooms have great acoustics!

7. Sigh loudly as the first one bullets out. It is quite normal to
experience a cold jet of water rocket up your ass as a result of the
first bomb's impact with the water. This is to be endured if you want
to be a real man.

8. Remain sitting and reading until pins-and-needles set into your
legs and ass-cheeks.

9. Rise and examine the mother-load you just launched. Make mental
notes of any irregularities to report to friends and girlfriend/wife,
e.g. color, consistency, any visible traces of peanuts, etc. You must
tell people about it!

10. Take a long length of paper and wipe your ass. Paper must be
examined before tossing it into the bowl.

11. Repeat step 10 until there is no longer any evidence of crap on
the paper.

12. Flush. If there is any residue left on the walls of the bowl,
under no circumstance attempt to clean it off. In due course, it will
come off by itself. Also makes a great target the next time you piss.

13. (This is important) Leave the seat up! Also leave the reading
material on the floor. (you will be needing it the next time.)

14. Rinse your hands once.

15. Vacate the bathroom, leaving the door open. It is important to a
man's self-esteem that other people experience his aura.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

Got Him By the Handle
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/01020501.htm
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Period Dress
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/1123.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/1123.htm "> Here!</a>

86 Rules Of Boozing
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/1124.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/1124.htm "> Here!</a>

Close To The Ladies... http://www.ezines4all.com/at200311/006.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/at200311/006.htm">AOL here</a>

I Love You...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200311/007.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/at200311/007.htm">AOL here</a>

Too Sexy
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/010518.htm
Sometimes Great Sex
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/010528.htm
Get Your Iron
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/010529.htm
Veggie Sex?
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/010530.htm
Hey Honey!
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/010531.htm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Parrot Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This guy wanted a parrot who talked. He asked the pet store manager if
there was a bird who was already speaking. The manager directed the
guy
to a bird by the window. "This bird has a vocabulary of 1000 words and
another 50 phrases that would fit most occasions."

The guy bought the bird and took it home.

Next day, the guy was back in the pet store to complain. The bird
hadn't
said a word.

The pet store manager said, "That's not unusual. Why not buy a few of
the toys the bird had been used to playing with while here and put it
in
his cage. That should get him more comfortable with his surroundings
and
loosen him up." The man paid for the toys and took them home to the
bird.

Two days later the guy showed back up. "Still not talking, huh?" asked
the manager. "Well, perhaps a birdbath would do the trick." The credit
card was whipped out, the purchase made, and the guy was back home
with
his new birdbath.

And, like clockwork, two days later the guy was back to complain that
the bird STILL hadn't said one word. This time the shop owner
scratched
his head and said, "You know, sometimes the bird would be praised in
his
training and allowed to ring this bell." The guy was hesitant, but he
really wanted to hear the bird talk, so he reluctantly purchased the
bell.

Two days later, the guy was back in the shop. This time the pet shop
owner suggested the bird was lonely. The guy was upset that he'd have
to
purchase ANOTHER bird when the first one wasn't talking. The pet shop
owner told him that, no, he wouldn't have to do that. Just buy a
mirror
and trick the bird into thinking he had company.

You guessed. Two days later, the man was back in the store, this time
with the parrot. The parrot was dead.

"What happened! Didn't the bird ever talk?" asked the pet store owner.

"Yep. Right before he died it said, 'Don't they sell any damn birdseed
at that pet store?'"

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Small Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young man was so paranoid about the
size of his penis that he could never work
up the courage to have sex.

Then one day he fell in love with a nurse.

One fine evening, they went back to her place.
She put on some soft music and led him into
the bedroom. Totally mortified, he told her of
his problem.

"Don't worry," She said. "I'm a nurse. I won't laugh."
Blushing the man drops his trousers.

"It's OK," she said. "I've seen lots smaller than that."

"Really?" the relieved man asked.

She nodded. "Yes," she chuckled,
"I used to work in the maternity unit."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Philly Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pat O'Leary left Cork for Philadelphia where he found a job on a
building site.

When payday rolled around Pat went out on the town, got drunk as a
goat and spent the night with a prostitute.

The following day (Saturday) Pat decided to go to confession and tell
all.

When the priest heard his confession he told Pat to say twenty Our
Fathers, twenty Hail Marys, and twenty decades of the Rosary and to
put $20 in the poor box.

Two weeks later Pat's mate, Rory O'Brien, told Pat he was leaving for
San Francisco because there was tons of work there and the money to
be made was more than twice what could be made in Philly.

After a little coaxing Pat decides to go with Rory.

At the end of his first week on his new job Pat's wages were more
than double anything he'd made before.

Off he goes for a night on the town.

Gets drunk as a lord and spends the night with a prostitute.

Come morning remorse sets in and Pat goes to Mission Dolores for
confession.

After hearing Pat's confession the priest tells him to say a couple
of Our Father's and drop a dollar in the poor box.

"But, Father. I did the same thing in Philly and had to say twenty
Our fathers, twenty Hail Marys, twenty decades of the Rosary and I
had to fork over $20."

"Ah, sure," the priest responded, "what do they know aboout drinkin'
and fuckin ' in Philadelphia."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Pun Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She had been working as the tattoo artist's assistant for only two
weeks and already he had designs on her.

A guy goes to the optometrist. The Doctor tells him, "You've got to
stop masturbating!" "Why Doc," he asked, "am I going blind?" "No,"
the Doctor explained, "but you're upsetting the other patients in
the
waiting room!"

A Palestinian suspect was being grilled by Israeli police. Honest,
I'm not a suicide bomber," he said. "I didn't say I wanted to blow
myself up so I could sleep with 72 virgins. All I said was I'm dying
to get laid!" (Goffaq Yussef)

The penis-enlarging pills my boyfriend bought online must be
working.
At this point, he's a bigger dick than he was a few months ago.

"Mom, hey, Mom! Lennie passed his bar exam so we're going to get
married next week!" The bride-to-be was ecstatic. "Gee, honey, don't
you think you two should wait till he's been practicing for a year
or
so?" cautioned her mother. "Oh Mom," said the bride with a blush,
"we've been practicing."

Stan Kegel

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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A: A blonde parade.
==============
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likely
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Jay Leno
=========================
What's the worst thing a bride can say on her wedding night?
"I'm glad I didn't throw my vibrator away."
=========================
How do you prevent a blond from having sex
and giving those great blowjobs?

Marry her.
=======================
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an altar boy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Movies

Idiot
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Important Message
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Airport
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2481
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2482
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Window Washer
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Small Guy
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Smile
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Busta Rhymes
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rhino Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A buddy of mine was having a little BBQ so I went for a ride with
him to the Wild Game butcher shop that he buys some weird stuff
for us all to try. We walked in and the guy behind the counter
looked up from his paper.

"Hi, what can I get for you?" he asked. Then he looked at me and
said, "And don't ask for Bengal tiger balls again, OK?"

"Hey," I laughed, "You remember!"

"Yeah, you're a real original."

My buddy ordered his goofy stuff then I asked the butcher for a
rhinoceros penis to put a little more lead in my pencil.

"That I can do," he said disappearing into cooler. "Here," he said
flopping a big black schlong with huge balls onto the counter.

"Damn!" my buddy and I said as we poked it with our finger.

"Hey!" I exclaimed. "This is not a rhino dick!"

"How can you tell? It's certainly big enough." said my buddy.

I said, "It's circumcised!"

The butcher said, "Maybe the rhino was Jewish."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stripper Chick
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Don't Molest The Forrest http://www.buffalosjokes.com/01020503.htm
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Tit Mans Dream
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What's Up Hector?
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Can't You Get Along With Anybody?
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was an old maid from Luck,
Who took it into her head to fuck.
She was about to resign
'Till she hung out a sign:
"Come in, I've decided to suck."

"For the tenth time, dull Daphnis," said Chloe,
"You have told me my bosom is snowy;
You have made much fine verse on
Each part of my person,
Now do something -- there's a good boy!"
_____________________________________

I never had Miss Defauw,
But it wouldn't have been quite so raw
If she'd only said "No"
When I wanted her so;
But she didn't -- she laughed and said "Naw!"
_____________________________________

There once was a plumber from Leigh,
Who was plumbing his maid by the sea,
Said she, "Please stop plumbing,
I think someone's coming!"
Said he, "Yes, I know love, it's me."

Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...

Ross
PROUD father of an American Soldier

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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "what is politics?" his Dad
says, "Well son, let me try to
explain it this way! I am the head of the family, so you call me the
President. Your Mother is the
administrator of the money, so we will call her the government. We
are here to take care of your
needs, so we will call you the people. The nanny, we will call her
the working class. And your
little brother, we will call him the future.
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking what his Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his little brother crying, so he gets up
to check on him. He finds the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So
the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound
asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the Nanny's room. Finding
the door locked, he peeks through the keyhole and sees his father in
bed with the
Nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, ?"Dad, I think I
understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good, Son, tell me in your own words what you think
politics is all about." The little boy replies. The President is
screwing the working class while the government is sound asleep. The
people
are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."

Calif Jack

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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young dating couple were driving down the road in a very busy
area,
when things started to gets some what passionate. So they decided to
pull over and park and have some fun. Things were really getting
hot,
and they were not paying any attention to what was going on outside.
All of a sudden a policeman was tapping on their window. The cop
could hardly contain himself. "Didn't you know that you are not
supposed to be having sex in public?" he asked the couple. Being
embarrassed at being caught said yes and apologized. "Well, he said,
I will have to write you a ticket." So the cop wrote the ticket and
reminded them next time to watch their behavior. After getting
dressed the girlfriend asked her boyfriend what the policeman wrote
the ticket for. He responded, "doing 69 in a 35 mph speed zone!"

Stan Kegel

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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1002

Union Contracts

Sandi: May I speak with you Daddy?

BJ: Yes, Sandi. Now is a good time.

Sandi nervously enters the private office: It is time
we re-negotiated my union contract dad.

BJ: I didn't know we had one.

Sandi: Well, we didn't but I need one at least for the
bedroom and bedtime.

BJ: Let me look over your demands....Hmmm party of the
first part... hmm Let me guess..Katie wrote this.

Sandi: How did you guess?

BJ: Just a lucky guess. Let's see, you want the following:
1. To sleep on my left side at night.
2. To have one or more arms touching you as you fall asleep.
3. To have me watch you as you watch me as you fall asleep.
4. You want to be shop steward.

BJ: Have you talked to the others about this?

Sandi: I don't care what they think. This is my contract.
Katie sleeps on your right. Ginger sleeps at your feet. Rudy
sleeps on the floor and when he does want to sleep on the bed,
he pushes everyone out of the way, so it doesn't matter what
the contract reads anyway.

BJ: LOL you are right. This is okay with me Sandi, if it is
okay with the rest of the gang.

Sandi: Thanks dad, I will draw up the papers and throw away
the strike posters.

BJ: Good grief!

The herd in Guthrie


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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