[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Sun



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

Since I haven't told you a sea story in a long time here is
one from the archives which we will finish tomorrow.

In order to launch a modern jet in addition to accelerating
it past its stall point , you also normally need thirty knots
of wind across the flight deck and when the weather doesn't
provide it you must move the carrier into the wind and count
on your propulsion to do it. On the older carriers with
eight boilers and 4 70,000 hp. main engines you could do it
with 5 boilers and 2 main engines and enough auxiliary
equipment to keep them running. The rest of the machinery
allowed you redundancy in the event of mechanical failure
or war damage and allows you to do maintenance. I was a
boilermaker at the time and we were doing repairs to the
two boilers in number 2 machinery room. The main engine was
getting steam from number 3 machinery room and they had
taken the chain driven oil pump down to the machine shop to
be repaired. Although it was preferred to have this pump
operating there was two other pumps, one driven by steam
and one electric and everyone was confident there would be
no problems. Murphy had other plans though and number 3
MMR had a casualty that threatened to send water into steam
turbines weighing tons and traveling thousands of rpms. They
did exactly what they were supposed to and closed the
steam valves. With no steam the generators shut down and
there we were going about 25 knots with no oil pressure.
The only way to stop the damage was to stop the propeller
and that required stopping an 80,000 ton ship with only
two of four propellers. With two engines down that was like
stopping a semi with just the front brakes. It took about
four miles to accomplish that.

The two mile stopping distance on a carrier is with all
four main engines doing an emergency astern. The turbine
elements for astern operation are smaller and only put
out 9,000 hp each. Even so when that power is applied
to a propeller that is 21 feet in diameter with five
blades it causes the ship to hop like when you lock your
brakes up on a rough piece of road. As soon as lines
were drained steam was sent back into the two spaces,
electricity from forward generators was connected to
the switchboards and fires were lit in number three
machinery rooms boilers. We were glad for the power because
when you are thirty feet down in the bowels of the ship
in a hot machinery room the temperature climbs to
120 degrees very quickly. We were all in good shape but
the main engine had bearing damage in both the turbine
and reduction gear sections. Bearing metal made of lead and
tin had melted and looked like sponges. The Navy does
not own the main engines, they are leased for 99 years
from GE, Westinghouse, or DeLaval . Even as we got back
underway with the damaged engine shaft locked so it could
not turn a message was being dispatched to the Philippines
requesting General Electric personnel to conduct an
inspection and repair the main engine. We went back to
normal ops limping around with three propellers from
Yankee Station as even though we had stopped bombing
N. Vietnam we were still providing support to the troops
on the ground in S. Vietnam.

The Navy decide that we required two weeks in port to
complete repairs and when parts and repair personnel
arrived from the states we headed to the yards at Subic.
What happens onboard your ship can affect every ship
around you and this was no different. My friend Dave
from Murphy was onboard the USS Midway at the time and
she was loaded up with the usual souvenirs from a WestPac
and ready to head back to the states after along deployment.
They unloaded the motorbikes and stereos and tapestries
and headed back out to Yankee Station to fly our missions
for the time we were in repair. That cruise the Midway
was out on Yankee Station for 208 days which is probably
more than the carrier cruises during the Iraq and Afghan
wars.

In order to make it easier to repair the bearings and
turn the gears the shaft was uncoupled so that it would
not have to turn a 45,000 pound propeller. Finally repairs
close to complete, we headed back to Yankee station with
GE and Yard people onboard and doing the fitting of
the bearings.

The rest of the story tomorrow... buffalo

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Foreign Law Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Canadian

In Canada, if a debt is higher than 25 cents, it is illegal to pay it
with
pennies.
______________________________

Denmark Law

Restaurants may not charge for water unless it is accompanied by
another item such as ice or a lemon slice.
______________________________

Norway Law

You may not spayed your female dog or cat. However, you may neuter
the males of the species.
______________________________

Why should you smile in Milan?

In Milan, Italy, there is a law on the books that requires a smile on
the face
of all citizens at all times. Exemptions include time spent visiting
patients in
hospitals or attending funerals. Otherwise, the fine is $100 if they
are seen
in public without a smile on their face.
______________________________

United Kingdom Laws

It is legal for a male to urinate in public, as long it is on the
rear wheel of
his motor vehicle and his right hand is on the vehicle.

Any boy under the age of 10 may not see a naked mannequin.

Interfering with the mail or sleeping with the consort of the Queen
is
classed as treason.

Since 1313, MPs are not allowed to don armour in Parliament.

Those wishing to purchase a television must also buy a license

LONDON, England

It is illegal to have sex on a parked motorcycle.
______________________________

Swaziland Laws

Any woman who wears pants faces a possible punishment of having
the pants ripped off her and torn to pieces by soldiers.
(and she doesn't get fined for indecent exposure on the way home?)

Ross

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

Cant Tell
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42522.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/42522.htm "> Here!</a>

See you in Hell
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42521.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/42521.htm "> Here!</a>

First Time
http://www.buffaloschips.com/42520.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffaloschips.com/42520.htm "> Here!</a>

Kids Books That Never Made It...
http://www.ezines4all.com/at200402/017.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/at200402/017.htm">AOL here</a>

Microsoft Office Help... http://www.ezines4all.com/at200402/018.htm
<a href="http://www.ezines4all.com/at200402/018.htm">AOL here</a>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dog Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This man, his wife and their Border Collie,
Maisy were out for a drive in the country
one afternoon in their new convertible,
with the top down. The husband and wife
were enjoying the scenery as they drove
along.

While unbeknownst to them, Maisy gave
birth to seven puppies while laying on the
back seat of the automobile. The couple
continued to drive along, unaware of the
new arrivals. Soon the road began to
deteriorate and was beginning to become
quite rough. Suddenly, the car ran over a
deep pothole in the road, and one of Maisy's
puppies bounced up and out of the car,
landing on the roadway just in front of a police
car that had been following the man and his wife.

The police officer switched on his lights and
siren, and soon had the couple pulled over
to the side of the road.

"What are you pulling me over for?" queried
the startled driver.

The officer responded, "I pulled you over for
creating a 'Road Hazard', for other drivers!"

"What hazard?" Asked the man.

"A puppy bounced out of your car and put
myself, and several other drivers at risk, trying
to avoid hitting it."

"Now your Drivers License and Proof of Insurance,
please. Thank you Sir... And the 'Bitches' name, Sir". ...

"Hey! How dare you call my wife a bitch!

"Sir, I was referring to the dog!"

"Oh... Her name is Maisy."

"What do you want her name for, officer?"

"Well Sir, after I write your ticket for 'Endangering
Vehicular Traffic', and I am going to cite your
dog, Maisy, for Littering!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Blonde Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why did the blond lay out on the lawn chair in her bikini at midnight?
She wanted to get a dark tan. What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
An Italian suppository.

Did you hear about the blonde virgin who wasn't upset about losing her
cherry? She figured she could always get a new one, since she still
had
the box it came in.

What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine? If you
throw a load in a washing machine, it doesn't follow you around for 3
days.

Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
So she could lip read.

Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common? All you
have to do is scratch the box to win.

What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the
bowl? "Just flush it like everybody else does."

Hear about the blonde explorer?
She bought a piece of sandpaper thinking it was a map of the Sahara
Desert.

How can you tell if the blonde is a nurse?
She can make a patient without disturbing the bed.

What does a blonde have in common with the United States Army? They're
open to any man between the ages of eighteen and thirty-five.

Amy

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the
pupils' answer by reciting a short poem.

The first kid sat in the first row was a teachers pet. He stood and
said, "My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to
Japan if I can, and I think I can."

The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She
stood up and answered the roll call by stating, "My name is Suzy, and
when I become a lady I would like to have a baby...if I can, and I
think
I can."

The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the
back
of the room. He stood up and said, "My name is Johnny, and I don't
give
a darn about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I
can....and I think can!"

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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One day I shall burst my buds of calm and blossom into hysteria.

Q. What do you call a cow who has just given birth?
A. Decaffeinated <Grooaaaann>

Kentucky Scientists discover new use for sheep: WOOL.

The most common form of marriage proposal:
"YOU'RE WHAT!?" <Thanx Jim>

Some people just don't know how to drive...I call these people
"Everybody But Me."

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"

Q. What is the definition of Blood, Sweat and Tears?
A. A blonde standing in front of a tampon machine with a bent quarter.

I have discovered that the flu is both affirmative and negative.
Sometimes the eyes have it and sometimes the nose.

Don't try to catch snowflakes on you tongue until all
the birds have flown south.

What should you do in case of fallout?
Put it back in and take shorter strokes.

One day of coal
364 days of fun.......
The choice is obvious to me...

Two older men sat on a bench in the park. One said, "I
hear that eating raw oysters puts lead in your pencil."
The other man said, "I don't like raw oysters, and to
tell you the truth, I don't have any women to write to!"

There will be no weapon inspections done in Iraq for the next two days
because of the upcoming Moslem holidays. They're celebrating "High
Da-missiles Day." Jay Leno

Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's
time to get up.

There are so many lawyers in the world, that if you were to lay them
end-to-end, they would reach into the each other's pockets.

There was a young lady from Cue
Who filled her vagina with glue
She said with a grin
"If they pay to get in,
They'll pay to get out of it too."

Signs of Spring in New York City:
1-Crack dens take down storm windows.
2-Lovely pastel colors used for chalk body outlines.
3-Garbage collectors start going topless.

Q: If faced with the choice, what disease would you rather have
Alzheimer's or Parkinson's?
A: Parkinson's; it is better to spill half of your beer than to forget
where you left it!

Grocery store clerks make you pick paper or plastic because baggers
can't be
choosers <Grooooaaaannnnn>

"Mom, I'm pregnant." said Wendy.
"How can that be?" Mom replied, "What did I tell you
about sex?" "That I should take measures." Wendy replied, "And that's
what I did! I took measures and then went with the biggest." < I
really
"sniffed them out" LOL>

Love is like a roller coaster: When it's good you don't want to get
off,
and when it isn't, you can't wait to throw up.

I've noticed the strangest thing about men who hang out in bars a lot.
It seems they have only one of two reasons to be there: They have no
wife to go home to... or they do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

During my training as a medical-group receptionist, I was told never
to
recommend one of our doctors over another, but simply state who had
available appointments. One day a woman came in and looked at me
conspiratorially. "I'm a nurse," she whispered, "and I know the staff
always knows which doctors are good and which aren't. Who do you
think I
should see?" Knowing my supervisor was listening close by, I tried to
sound most professional. "Oh, I'm sorry," I replied. "I can't
recommend
any of our doctors." "Well, you must know!" she said, heading for the
door.

~~~~~~~

The birth of our second child, a daughter, came after a long and
difficult labor. But it was definitely worth it when our beautiful
little girl emerged, perfect in every way. Later, in my room, my
husband
looked at her tenderly, with tears in his eyes. Then as he glanced up
at
me, I expected him to utter something truly poetic. Instead he asked,
"What'd we decide to call her again?"

~~~~~

Police were called to the Wal-Mart in Chicago yesterday over a wild
female "free-for-all." One women told police she began arguing with a
portrait studio employee over the price of photos when the employee
called her a "brat" and began yelling obscenities at her then attacked
her. One witness, an off-duty Aurora police officer shopping with her
husband told police the woman rammed the employee in the back with her
shopping cart at which point the two women began fighting and rolling
around on the floor. Security guards then broke the fight up.

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LynnLynn's Links
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Subscribers and Friends

Mississippi Squirrel Revival Via Carol
http://mywebpages.comcast.net/singingman7777/MSR2.htm

Hyacinth w/Sending Hugs
http://hyacinth.webbywarehouse.com/poetry/sendinghugs.html

Kaye w/A Rose For You
http://www.kayesworld.co.uk/rose_for_you.html

Only One
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/ONLYONE.HTML

Shangy FUN List On Line
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Surfin Surfari

We Didn't Start The Fire
http://www.ugcs.caltech.edu/~yeli23/Flash/Fire.html

Undersea Restaurant
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/undersea.html

Guam
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guam

Dollar Stretcher
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

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Rose Midis
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Movies

Home Security
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/60531.htm

Tantrum
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/1180605.htm

Amazing Child
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/1180606.htm

Alarm
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011156.htm

Cool Parrot
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Animal Thieves
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Aussie Peek A Boo
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011104.htm

A Women's Worst Nightmare
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011105.htm

How to get Naked Fast
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011106.htm

Bad Monkey
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011601.htm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Music Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lady was a huge Paul MCCartney fan and wanted a tattoo of him on the
inside of her thigh. She went to the parlour and told the guy what she
wanted.

He says: "OK, take your skirt and underwear off and sit in the chair
with
your legs apart".

She did that and he started on the tattoo. Pretty soon he's done,
blows off
the dust and admires his work.

"Who the heck's that?" she says. "It's Paul McCartney", he replies.

"Doesn't look like him at all" says she. "Now get it right or I'll
report
you".

So the tattooist starts on the other thigh. Really trying hard to do a
better job. Finally he's done, blows off the dust and feels pretty
good.

The woman is pissed off "No way that's Paul Mccartney" she says. "It
bloody
well is" says the man. "Listen I'll get a second opinion"

He goes out of his store and grabs the first person he sees. The guy
is a
drunk who's been stumbling along the sidewalk. The tattooist drags
the drunk
into his store. There's the woman, sitting legs apart with nothing on
below
her waist.

The tattoist says to the drunk (pointing at the womans legs)... "Tell
me who
the hell you think that is".

The drunk says (in a drunken slur voice), "I've no idea who the
people are
on her thighs but the guy in the middle is a dead ringer for Willie
Nelson"!


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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Corn Roll
http://buffalosjokes.com/31207.htm

Honeymoon
http://buffalosjokes.com/31208.htm

Damn
http://buffalosjokes.com/31209.htm

Love Hurts
http://buffalosjokes.com/v10.htm

Euthanasia Show
http://buffalosjokes.com/31301.htm

I'll Be Home Soon
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succesful
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darn weather
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a young man from Mauritius,
who said his last fuck was delicious,
but the next time I come,
It'll be up your bum,
'cause that scab on your cunt looks suspicious
_________________________________

There was a young man from Maine
Whose prick was as strong as a crane;
It was almost as long,
So he strolled with his dong
Extended in sunshine and rain.
_________________________________

There was a young man from Florida
Who liked a friend's wife, so he borrowed her,
When they got into bed
He cried, God strike me dead!
This ain't a puss - its a corridor!"
<snagged by>
Ross

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young man, with a promising career ahead of him, decided to
marry a respectable convent girl, untarnished with the sins of
contemporary society. After the wedding service, the bridal
couple had to drive through the more unsavory areas of the city
on the way to the reception.

"William, what are those women doing leaning against lampposts?"

"Oh, those are just tarts who hire their bodies out for sex at
fifty dollars a time."

"Wow, fifty dollars!" exclaimed the bride, "the monks only used
to give us an apple..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hello, help desk."

"Yes, this is Mrs. Duffy on the sixth floor. I want to report a
violation of company policy."

"What seems to be the trouble, Mrs. Duffy?"

"I have found some of the computers in the office here are being
used
to look at orgies."

"We have filtering software on the network that prevents sites like
that from being displayed."

"Well, I just sat down at one of the computers and clicked on the
bookmarks."

"And there's a list of pornographic sites?"

"I should say so. Quite a few."

"They should be blocked by the filter. Did you click on them?"

"I didn't have to. They say dot O-R-G and I've been around long
enough to know what that means."


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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 994

Devil's Tower

BJ: Next stop is Devil's Tower.

Rudy: What?

Diana: Devil's Tower.

Katie: Father, you are jesting.

BJ: No it was in a movie, "Close Encounters of the Third Kind."
Alien Spacecraft landed on top of the tower to communicate with
earth.

Sandi: I will stay in the RV.

Ginger: Cool!

BJ: We take this dirt road to that lonely looking tower ahead.

Rudy: T...T...that looks strange..

Katie: When we get there, I do not need to go outside and run.

They arrive at dusk.....coyotes are howling in the night...the wind
add it's peculiar noise, the night is pitch black.

BJ: Why are you guys looking at the sky?

Aliens, looking for aliens.

BJ: It was just a movie.

The herd in Guthrie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list

In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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