A Reason To See You Again

t.ly/YePv9

I'm writing about this book because it's so readable.

No, that's not the only reason. Also because everybody involved is not a winner. Most books written about Jewish families... Everybody's solidly middle class, or upper middle class, it's a land of opportunities, despite the tsuris. But the Cohens?

The father is a Holocaust survivor. A soft man who is happy he's alive but is not setting the world on fire.

So his wife, who put aside her education to marry him, does low level jobs to pay the bills... She's just paying the bills, working to stay alive. I've had jobs like these, thank god I do not work them anymore. Where all you can do is stare at the clock. You count how much money you're going to make, how you're going to spend it. To think so many live this way.

And there are two daughters. One pretty and one smart.

And the mother is a shrew and they want to get away from her and...

It's kinda like regular life. In that everybody has big dreams and somewhere along the line you find out you are where you are, which is not where you wanted to be, are you happy, can you reinvent yourself?

That's the amazing thing about life, you can reinvent yourself. It's really hard, but you can do it. You have to shake off the past, oftentimes you have to put yourself in new situations, make a whole new group of friends... Who are trustworthy, who spur you on, but just when you think you're on the same page, bonded together...

But the heart of the story is the husband of the older daughter. A non-Jew, a traveling salesman...

I guess we live in a world where everybody can be a star. Literally, you can do this today, anybody can build a presence online. But there are a lot of people just living their lives. Doing amazing things, both good and bad.

So I'm reading this book and...

I can't put it down. I didn't love Jami Attenberg's hit book, "The Middlesteins," and this book is somewhat slight, but it's dark and average in a way most books are not. Most are fantastical. Or written in miniature, small lives in small places in detail.

And "A Reason to See You Again" is not about losers. Then again, who are the winners and the losers?

Once again, this book is very very readable. Unlike "The Emerald Mile." "The Emerald Mile" is an achievement, a great book, but there are big words and you have to commit. "A Reason to See You Again" cuts like butter. That's what people don't realize about writing, the first criterion is it must be readable.

Now finishing "A Reason to See You Again" and wanting more I researched Attenberg's other books and I found out she had a memoir with stellar reviews entitled "I Came All This Way to Meet You" and...

It too cuts like butter.

But it's not the typical story.

Attenberg went to Johns Hopkins. But then she had an endless series of low level jobs on her way to becoming an author. And a ton of experiences. She was one of the first to move to Williamsburg. She talks about drugging and drinking and screwing but... You don't get the impression she's one of the cool girls, someone you could never know or meet. Rather she seems just like you, but with different choices.

Especially in today's era, where everybody's on a career track.

And there are certain incidents in the book... Deep into it there's the story of a physical assault and the fallout and....

Attenberg is living in the real world, when so many writers put forth the image that they are not. They're members of a club, separate from the rest of us, writing for each other.

The fascinating thing is you read these novels and you wonder about the authors, who they are exactly. And now there's this memoir and you get so much information but what is Jami Attenberg like in real life and...is she really just like you and me but she just wrote it all down?

So if you're a reader, I recommend "A Reason to See You Again," because it's so damn readable. If you only read one book a year, no. If you're a guy, who doesn't like to look inside, stay away.

But I went down the rabbit hole with Jami Attenberg and I can't stop thinking about her and her work.

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Sherwood-Season 2

Trailer: t.ly/2cKBr

You're going to want to watch this show.

Unfortunately there are only two episodes of the second season available, but boy did they entrance me.

It's kind of like pornography, you know it when you see it, you know it when you experience it, your focus starts to narrow, the rest of the world is excluded, you're all in, invested, it's not so much that the story is real as you want to believe it is real, this is what you're looking for, top flight entertainment.

Now there was a previous season... All about the end of mining in Nottinghamshire. What do people do when all the jobs go away?

But even more it's about the people themselves, their relationships.

Now in the second season...

Lesley Manville stars. One of the best British actors. She's living alone now, deciding whether to sell her house and move on. And on one hand she seems like a sensitive flower, but... The ex-cop who comes by, he kinda wants to ask her for a date but can't quite screw up the courage, even though he's a big handsome guy. And she calls him out on it, gets into the details, lays it all out on the table, ultimately deciding to go on the date anyway, but making it all clear what is going down.

Then there's the sheriff. Who is not only a woman, but gay. Are people really that modern, do they accept this? Not really. How does she navigate the hurdles.

Does she want to approve a reintroduction of mining? The area has been through so much. The loss of jobs. The illnesses and death from black lung. Sure, there will be jobs for youths, but at what cost? And how long is this new mine going to last anyway.

And then there are those behind the new mine. Big thinkers. They exist in every burg. And no matter what they say, they're not altruistic, they're in it for themselves.

And underneath all this is...

The youth. With no future. Dealing drugs and...

There's a murder and this is when it gets interesting. Because it brings out the warring families from the woodwork. How are they going to handle this. Are they going to battle each other?

And it's the spouses of the two men who run the families who are so powerful, so riveting, so amazing. Monica Dolan as Ann Branson... They don't have actresses like this in American shows. Let's just say her body is not perfect, she's built somewhat like a barrel. Yet with a pretty face and a good blonde hairdo...which bucket do you put her in? Is she like the girl next door, is she the lower class girl you were always afraid of in high school, she can be warm and yet strong as steel and then...

There's her counterpart, Daphne Sparrow, played by Lorraine Ashbourne, she's...a bit worse for wear, her face is dried-up, lined...just like you'd picture someone from deep in the heart of England, who may not have eaten enough vegetables, who was exposed to too much pollution. She's thinking. She has a good streak, but really is she just bad?

And the police... Do they even know what is going on, are they trustworthy?

I'm telling you about "Sherwood" because what it delivers is what English TV does best but does not always achieve, a direct gritty truth. It's something that American TV just cannot capture. America just can't get gritty right. Even if the landscape is gritty, the actors are not, it's not believable. But you believe the people are who they are in "Sherwood." A mix of those living in the present and those lost in the past.

And I'm always on the outlook for great stuff. And when I see it I want to tell people about it, so they can share the experience.

There's a hierarchy. "Sherwood" approaches the top. I write about other series, "Rivals" is not in the league of "Sherwood." "Murder Mindfully" is ultimately a comedy, whereas "Sherwood" is dead serious.

I'm not telling you so you will tell anybody else, I just want you to have the same experience I did, sitting in front of the screen, in the dark, wholly engrossed, edgy, involved, knowing that TV when done right is oftentimes better than hanging with your friends, going out to dinner, it can be more real than real.

Like "Sherwood."

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Men

We're not as civilized as we think we are.

Work with me here.

We were watching a TV series last night... Well, it's "Gangs of London" on Netflix, we're only two episodes in, so don't tell me what happens, but the interaction of the gangs, who are not teenagers but closer to Mafiosi, got me thinking...

You see when you're in high school you get beat up, you're the object of derision.

Actually, it starts earlier than that, usually junior high. There are always some people so odd, so off the radar, that they're ignored, but if you think you might want to be a member of the group, you either are or you're not. And if you're not...

What you've got to know about guys is they've got a tribal mentality. They love a group. You see it in sports. And within this group...you don't want to speak up, you don't want to contradict, you want to go with the flow. This is the original bro mentality. There are advantages: camaraderie, friendship, an entire life, but you must conform.

Unless you're the leader.

There's always one or two leaders. Who steer the group. Sometimes they're evil, sometimes they're reasonable and over time, as they age, they extricate themselves from the group and are well-adjusted adults. But usually, those in power like their power, and this is how they live the rest of their lives, by lording it over others.

And underneath them are the good soldiers. Who will do whatever the leaders tell them to do. Who will not cross the leaders, who pledge fealty. Talk to one of these soldiers about the leader and they'll wax rhapsodic, no matter how negative someone from the outside may perceive this leader. It's a cult, akin to a religion.

So...

What do they say, the nerds inherit the earth?

You've got Bill Gates. Mark Zuckerberg. Even Peter Thiel and Elon Musk.

Remember, Peter Thiel killed Gawker for outing him as gay. This is how the rich nerds do it, the ones who did well in school, jumped through all the hoops, got all the money. They play within the system, it's built for them, they bend the rules, they get what they want.

And those of us reading the news, those of us who were educated at fine universities, see their power and believe they rule.

And they do.

But not to the extent we believe they do.

Now if you're on the wrong side of the divide in high school, you may get beaten up. Happens all the time, physical violence. But there's an understanding that once you become an adult, the law applies, this is no longer possible, you will pay the consequences, so everybody colors within the lines.

But this is patently untrue.

The educated, the rule-abiders, think that society is defined, that they're safe, but they're not.

Or maybe you could say when you've got nothing, you've got nothing to lose.

So we've seen the feminization of society. I'm not saying that #MeToo was wrong, I'm not saying that it's a level playing field, that women are not disadvantaged, I'm just saying if you're a member of polite society, educated, you've been taught that you must be sensitive, that girls are intimidated in class, over and over you've been told what a brute you are. And most of the people in polite society have bought this.

But not everybody else.

Not everybody in America went to college. Not everybody's on a career path. Not everybody has an IRA, not only thinking about retirement, but planning vacations years in advance. A whole hell of a lot of people are just living in the moment. And to tell you the truth, it ain't much different from high school.

You work at the factory. You even work at Walmart... You're going nowhere fast, but there is a hierarchy, there is a gang. And you go out drinking, and you hang on weekends and...

There might be a bar fight. Other physical violence. Maybe the police are even called. But spending a night in jail... Is anybody caring about their résumé?

This is the divide in America today.

So men without portfolio are acting just like the guys in "Gangs of London." They're looking for status, they're looking for power. And it doesn't come from a degree, or ownership of certain items, it comes from your personality, your power, your bullying, your intimidation.

Even worse, so many of these qualities even permeate polite society, amongst the educated, within Fortune 500 companies. You've got to belong to get ahead. And if you don't play by the rules you're blackballed.

This even happens in the music business. I could tell you names, of people who can prevent you from getting a job... But either you know them or you do not.

But this is not the perception of the college educated, some of whom are the elites, some of whom are not.

And never forget, those with less always have contempt for those with more.

So yes, all this is going through my brain because of the election. Because of the misperception of Harris and those who supported her. They had no idea of the mentality of most men. And the backlash that was brewing.

Oh, don't talk to me about abortion, don't get into the issues, just listen for a change.

Most Harris supporters did not. I've got an inbox of e-mail proving this.

Somewhere along the line the impression was given to educated women that the landscape had changed, but in reality it had not. Well, women get more college degrees than men, women have gained advantages, but men have not fundamentally changed. As a matter of fact, with less opportunity, it's gotten worse.

And you can see evidence of this all over the place. Hell, look at Active Rock... Those bands are not for everybody, but a subset, of alienated men. Sure, there are female fans, but... Hell, so many of these Active Rock performers have gone on record as being Republicans. What have the educated classes ever done for them but look down on them?

So we live in the land of disorder. Chaos. In a world they keep telling us is quantified, stratified, laid out, easy to grasp.

And this is not the case.

But it's all subtext. You can't write this. You can't own this. Even though post-election some have. Because it's taboo. Societal taboo. There's a certain way men must act, and it's not only in the news, but all over social media, pull up TikTok and you'll see endless women complaining about the behavior of men.

So how do we foment change?

Well, first and foremost by owning it, the truth, what is happening, not what we want to happen. We must not drown out the voices of those who disagree. Sure, we may be able to educate them, but without listening we just push them further away.

And we have to own the fact that on certain biological levels, men are men. We need to stop insisting everybody become a metrosexual. Nice, soft. Decrying anybody who is not cleaned up with a good job.

I'm not defending these men. I've been victimized by them my entire life. To this day. I can tell you about going against the group, even in seemingly non-threatening social situations. You follow the leader, it's an unsaid rule. You show up on their schedule, or else...

You're ostracized, you're done. Your inbox goes cold. They talk sh*t about you behind your back. You are not one of them, you are the other, you are to be wary of.

Forget that all breakthroughs come from the lone individual. That's something completely different, that person doesn't need a tribe.

And a tribe is not about innovation or change, but keeping order.

The only way we can make progress is by bringing these men in these tribes closer...stop ostracizing them, making fun of them, putting them down. We need to bring them in as opposed to putting them out.

But we must never ever insist they be just like us. That's how we got here, by dictating, by believing we had the answers, that we we're better than them.

Now the bottom line is deep down inside every man believes they've got something, a spark, a power. This is the essence of being a gang leader. To become a doctor you need a degree, so much more. So many of the modern professions...you need to jump through hoops, you just can't get it instantly.

But hanging with a group of men... All you need is your personality and drive. Comes out everywhere, on the golf course...everybody's jockeying for position, making fun of others.

The media industrial complex makes like this doesn't exist.

But it does.

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Nov. 20 - Adam Driver recites Amazon reviews | Inside Kleenex’s new visual identity

How Kleenex’s new visual identity serves as a platform for storytelling; Trade Desk tries to shake up streaming TV with content-agnostic strategy; Google Lens can now tailor search results to the store you’re in View online | Signup

Daily Dive Nov.​ 20,​ 2024 | Today’s news and insights for marketing leaders   BROUGHT TO YOU BY — Marketing Dive’s studioID Adopting AI Into Your Advertising Strategy Now that digital advertisers are starting to leverage AI in their processes, integrating AI tools in content creation is crucial to staying competitive. Learn how to get started in this playbook.   Adam Driver turns 5-star Amazon reviews into theatrical monologues The Hollywood star amps up the drama of “deeply personal” reviews in time for Black Friday week and Cyber Monday deal events. How Kleenex’s new visual identity serves as a platform for storytelling The Kimberly-Clark brand tapped Turner Duckworth and FCB for a brand refresh and new campaign, respectively, as it marks its 100-year anniversary. Trade Desk tries to shake up streaming TV with content-agnostic strategy The new operating system aims to address advertising supply chain issues and conflicts of interest around content in the streaming TV arena. Sponsored Content by Klue Beyond the price tag: The real deal-breakers, according to your buyers Klue analyzed 3,400+ buyer interviews and uncovered the shocking truth about why deals are won or lost. Spoiler: it’s not what your CRM data is telling you. Google Lens can now tailor search results to the store you’re in Users can take a picture of an item to receive insights tailored to the store they’re in, such as similar items that are in stock. Read more news Maximize Ad Campaign Effectiveness For a digital ad campaign to be successful, aligning creative and media is crucial. Hear industry experts discuss the framework that’s helping agencies and brands bridge the gap in this webinar. Learn More From Our Library Survey Report Improving Customer Engagement with a Modern Marketing Technology Stack Custom content for Mastercard Trendline Inside retail’s 2024 holiday season Supported by Listrak Webinar - on demand How eCommerce CEOs are Expanding and Keeping Up in a Time of Tech Transformation Custom content for BigCommerce Playbook Balancing Creativity and Data: Unlocking Sustainable Social Media Growth Custom content for Measure Studio Webinar - on demand Marketing Research 2025: 4 Emerging AI Trends to Watch Custom content for SurveyMonkey View all resources What We’re Reading The Wall Street Journal Comcast Greenlights $7 Billion Spinoff of NBCUniversal Cable Channels Food Dive Nestlé to cut $2.8B in costs, separate water into standalone business TechCrunch Meta hires Salesforce’s CEO of AI, Clara Shih, to lead new business AI group The New York Times How Google Spent 15 Years Creating a Culture of Concealment Suggest a story we should read Dive Into a Topic Brand Strategy Mobile Creative Social Media Video Agencies Data/Analytics Influencer Marketing Ad Tech CMO Corner Share Marketing Dive: Daily Dive and get rewarded. You’ve referred 0/10 readers. Share your link: https://www.marketingdive.com/signup/insiders/?signup_referred_by=5b0544e291d15c374412ca76

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