Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Today is Nancy's birthday and instead of telling you how much I appreciate
her and admire all of her numerous talents like I have in the past, I want
to
take a look at Taureans in general and more specifically the Taurus woman
from the astrological standpoint in the words of the experts. BTW I think
that
there is a lot of truths in the way the stars and planets affect the way we
are
but I find horoscopes almost worthless.
Taurus is the second sign of the Zodiac and associated with material
pleasure. Individuals born under this sign are thought to have a calm,
patient, reliable, loyal, affectionate, sensuous, ambitious, and determined
character, but one which is also prone to hedonism, laziness, inflexibility,
jealousy, and antipathy. In terms of anatomy, Taurus is said to rule the
vocal chords, tonsils, palate, throat, neck, ears, and lower jaw. Generally,
there is something distinctly sensual about the appearance.
Okay pretty good so far.
She's patient, good humored, and willing to bear a great deal of silliness,
along with Life's sadness, without evidencing excessive emotion. But when
she does become angry - good and angry - it's best to get out of her way.
Like across town. Or maybe even another city or state, until she cools off
and calms down... A Taurus woman is always deeply ashamed of her own
weakness... so she may be extra shy and affectionately loving later in
trying to balance her act. ... - Linda Goodman on Taurus women
Famous Taureans
Ella Fitzgerald (April 25, 1917)
Legendary American Jazz Singer
Elizabeth II (April 21, 1926)
Queen of England
Ernesto 'Che' Guevara (May 14, 1928)
Argentine Revolutionary
Audrey Hepburn (May 4, 1929)
American Actress: My Fair Lady
Willie Mays (May 6, 1931)
American Baseball Legend
James Brown (May 3, 1933)
American Rhythm & Blues Singer
Madeleine Albright (May 15, 1937)
American Secretary of State,
First Woman to Hold the Office
Al Pacino (April 25, 1940)
American Actor: The Godfather, Scent of a Woman
Barbara Streisand (April 24, 1942)
American Singer, Actress, Director
George Lucas (May 14, 1944)
American Film Director; Star Wars; Indiana Jones
Cher (May 20, 1946)
American Singer, Actress
Stevie Wonder (May 13, 1950)
American Musician, Singer, Songwriter
Tony Blair (May 6, 1953)
British Prime Minister
Randy Travis (May 4, 1959)
American Country & Western Singer, Actor
Bono (May 10, 1960)
Lead Singer of the Irish Rock band U2
George Clooney (May 6, 1961)
American Actor
Janet Jackson (May 16, 1966)
American Singer, Actress
Not a bad bunch of people to be associated with but I don't remember
ever hearing Nancy sing. She has to be better at it than me though.
Nancy has provided us with a picture on the website, taken before she
left for work this morning.
http://www.buffalos
If you'd like to drop her a birthday note you can do
so at ncantafio@sault.
Have a great weekend.. buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Sex Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who couldn't use a visit from the "Hot Sex Fairy"?
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when woman make
love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which make hair shiny
and skin smooth.
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering
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3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that
romantic dinner.
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and
tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than
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5. Sex is an
instant cure for mild depression. It releases the body endorphin into
the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a
feeling of well-being.
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually
active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called
pheromones.These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE
EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away.
Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the
level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the
tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural
antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An ugly man met an old woman while traveling through a forest. The old
woman said, "You're the ugliest man I ever saw." "I can't help it," the
ugly man said. "No, I guess not," the woman admitted, "but the least you
could do is stay at home."
~~~~~
President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one
of his aides nervously approach him. "What is it?" exclaims the
President. "It's this Abortion Bill Mr. President, what do you want to
do about it?" the aide replies.
"Just go ahead and pay it." responds the President.
~~~~~~
President Clinton wakes up to a beautiful winter morning. The sun is
shining, the air is crisp, and there is a light blanket of snow on the
ground. He stretches and goes to look out the window at the snow-
covered White House lawn and sees the words "BILL CLINTON SUCKS" written
in pee in the snow. Clinton gets all upset and calls White House
Security. He tells them he doesn't care what it takes but he wants to
know who did this. The Chief of Security returns in a couple of days to
the President and tells him that he has good news, bad news, and real
bad news. "OK," says Clinton "give me the good news first, then the bad
news, and then the real bad news." The Chief
says: "The good news is after taking analysis of the pee, we know who
the culprit is." Clinton nods and the Chief continues: "The bad news is
the culprit is Vice President Gore." This really upsets the President,
but he controls his anger and asks the Chief to tell him the real bad
news. The Chief of Security swallows and says, "It's in Hillary's hand
writing"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mother rabbit hops out of the burrow and tastes a turnip. She says to
father rabbit "that turnip tastes pithy". Father rabbit tries it and
says, "You're right, it does taste pithy".
Baby rabbit pops out of the burrow at that point and says "That's
because I just pithed on it".
The husband was angry when he found out that his wife had been cheating on
him.
He shouts at her, "I will play second fiddle to no one!"
The wife replies, "Second fiddle? With your little flute you are lucky
you are still in the band!"
Two guys were discussing the new secretary at their office.
John to George: "Man, I dated her last Tuesday and we had wonderful sex.
She's a lot better in bed than my wife!"
[Two days later]
George to John: "Well, I dated her too and we had sex as
well, but *I* think your wife's a way better lay."
~~~~
Two senior citizens were bragging about their sex lives in
the elderly homes, "Can you still do it? I have sex with
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"Oh, I do it almost every night of the week!"
"Almost every night!!?????
"Yup! Monday, almost. Tuesday, almost. Wednesday,..
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Prick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't like the prick. I absolutely don't.
I give blood on a regular basis to the Red Cross. Giving blood
Is not bad, it's the prick that bothers me the most.
They must test your blood to make sure that you have a minimum
Amount of hemoglobin. If you are running very low on hemoglobin,
You could pass out as you give blood.
They have this little finger "pricker" that makes a sound like a
Stapler. Actually it feels like putting your finger into a
Stapler. The nurse pricks your finger and then squeezes a drop
Of blood from the punctured fingertip.
It hurts.
The thing is, the finger prick hurts worse to me than giving a
Whole pint of blood. That one little drop is more aggravation
And pain than the pint.
For your information, it takes 7,296 drops to make one pint and
You give one pint of blood (plus a few more test tubes) when you
Donate.
I realized 10 things about that prick and its accompanying pain:
1. Small nuisances can hurt much worse than big ones.
2. A small thing can help prevent a big problem.
3. If it's left up to us, most of us would forego the irritating
Precautions.
4. Only when things go wrong do we wish we'd taken the
Precaution.
5. It's no use complaining to the "pricker," they are just doing
Their jobs.
6. The bandage for the small prick was on my fingertip for
Everyone to see.
7. The bandage for the blood donation was on my arm and covered
By my shirt. Deeper wounds are often covered and hidden.
8. The small pricking made a lot of noise.
9. There was little danger in the small prick, but the big one
Could have a multitude of things go wrong.
10. Stop complaining about the little things; they aren't really
All that big of a deal, and there isn't anything we can do
About them anyway.
So, what's pricking you?
Amy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parrot Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A lady was walking down the street to work, and she saw a parrot on a perch
in front of a pet store.
The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
Well, as you can imagine, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store
to
her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot, and it said to her, "Hey lady, you
are really ugly."
She was incredibly ticked now.
The next day the same parrot again said to her, "WOW lady, you are still
really ugly."
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would
sue the store and kill the bird if the manager didn't take care of this
problem.
The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the
parrot didn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work, the parrot called
to her, "Hey lady."
She stopped and said, "Yes?"
The bird paused, then said, "You know."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A midget gets married to a regular sized girl and they go on their
honeymoon.
When the midget gets back home, a friend asks him how was his honeymoon. He
said, "It was OK but I was a little disappointed.
His friend asks him why he was disappointed.
He replies, "Well, when we were nose to nose, my toes were in it.
When we were toes to toes, my nose was in it. And when I was in it, there
was no one to talk to."
A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his
father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and
proudly announced, "I'm running away from home!"
The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. "What if you get
hungry?," he said.
"Then I'll come home and eat!," bravely declared the child.
"And what if you run out of money?"
"I will come home and get some!," readily replied the child.
The man then made a final attempt, "What if your clothes get dirty?"
"Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them," was the reply.
The man shook his head and exclaimed, "This kid is not running away from
home; he's going off to college."
The loneliness of a middle-aged man and woman - both divorcees, eventually
blossomed into love and finally marriage, but the wedding night turned into
a real disaster. "You just do not fulfil me sexual expectations, " the bride
commented the following morning. You're right about that." replied the new
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idea that it would be so blooming large!"
One of my elderly women neighbors was held up in by a dark allley on
her way home from a church bingo game.
She tried to plead with the robber tha she had no money, but he
insisted that it must be in her bra and started feeling around. Not finding
any money, he placed his hand in her panties and felt around there.
"I told you I haven't got any money." the lady said. "But if you keep
doing that, I'll write you a check."
Amy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Movies
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Ladder accident
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last wish
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
YMCA Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Late one evening a drunk staggered into the YMCA and asked to be put up
for the night. The arrangements were made and he staggered to his room
where he found another fellow sitting on the lower bunk.
"Where in the hell is the john?" the intoxicated gent asked his room mate.
The roomie obligingly said, "Go out the door turn left and its the first
door on the right. Be careful though, he admonished, there are three stairs
steps down into the room."
The drunk exited the room, turned right and entered the first door on the
the left, an open elevator door, sans elevator. He plummeted down the two
flights to the base of the shaft, landing with a thump.
Rising to his feet the drunk spat and said, "To hell with those other
two stairs, I'm pissin' right here!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a gay dog from Ontario
Who fancied himself a Lothario.
At a wench's glance
He'd snatch off his pants
And make for her Mons Venerio.
There was a young fellow named Cribbs
Whose cock was so big it had ribs.
They were inches apart,
And to suck, it took art,
While to fuck, it took forty-two trips.
An elephant from hilly Tibet
In his cage one day wouldn't get.
So his keeper quite near
Put a hose in his rear,
And invented the first jumbo jet.
"When I see a monk's ass I just grab it."
Said the lazily amorous abbot.
"Although it's more fun,
To have sex with a nun,
It's so hard to get into the habit!"
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
PROUD father of an American Soldier
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nudist Colony
A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On
his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the
area. A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an
erection.
The woman noticed his erection, came over to him
and asked, "did you call for me?"
The man replied, "No, what do you mean?"
She said, "You must be new here. Let me explain.
It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for
me." Smiling, she lead him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down
on a towel eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way
with her.
Later, the man continued to explore the colony's
facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within
seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him.
"Did you call for me?" asked the hairy man.
"No, what do you mean?" replied the newcomer.
"You must be new." answered the hairy man, "It's
a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge
man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his way with
the newcomer.
The newcomer staggered back to the colony office
where he was greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?"
she asked.
"Here's my membership card. You can have the key
back and you can keep the $500 membership fee."
"But, Sir," she replied, "you've only been here
a few hours. You haven't had a chance to see all our facilities."
"Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an
erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here."
Calif Jack
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked okay for
a 57-year-old.
We drank a bit, and a had a bit of a snoggle and she asked if I'd ever
had a Sportsman's Double.
"What's that?" I asked.
"It a mother and daughter threesome," she said.
I said, "No."
We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.
I went back to her place.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: "Mum, you still awake?"
Via Juanita
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 965
Driving Miss Tami (Crazy that is)
The kids are sitting around the fireplace discussing things...
Rudy: So Ginger what do you think of Miss Tami?
Ginger: She is fun. I think I will pester her a lot.
Katie: That is my job.
Ginger: Well we can see who can pester her the most.
Katie: Deal!
Rudy: LOL!
Sandi: Well I think Tami is a nice person.
Rudy: Then how come you build all those poo pyramids
in her front yard?
Sandi: I thought she might like them.
Rudy: Ha! She tried to avoid them the other day and fell
over the highest pyramid.
Sandi blushing: Didn't mean for her to fall on one.
Rudy: She was saying all those words dad says when he
hits his thumb with a hammer. She had one of her nice easter
outfits on.
Ginger: She said the same words when she changed clothes
and I put a string across the doorway and she tripped and fell
into a mud puddle.... Boy she said some real bad words.
Katie: Then she had her third outfit on and she sat in her car
...right on the melted chocolate bar I put there... oh that was
funny.
Rudy: Yeah, when she went into the house to change for the
4th time and wash up, she used the trick soap I put there
and made her face black. She didnt notice her black face. She
had her 4th outfit on, zoomed out to her car, cleaned her car
seat and left in a hurry, black face and all.
About an hour later, she came back to the house, stormed in
and washed her face. Goes back to the car, sits in the car,
in fresh paint...LOL that was funny.
Ginger: Was that when she cried?
The Herd in Guthrie
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