Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Was watching an episode of " How it's Made " on the Discovery
Channel this morning and they were discussing how cotton swabs
are made. Pretty complicated for something that is only used for a
second and thrown away. I prefer the Q-tip brand and complain
when the wife buys the dollar store brands. I know about nothing
in your ear smaller than your elbow in your ear but they get dry and
itchy and a Bic pen or my snowblower key doesn't do a good job
so I grab a swab and dig around on the sides. I can imagine how a
dog feels when he reaches a pesky flea and dislodges it. The cheap
swabs bend when you put the least sideways pressure on them and
then you have to worry about the cotton falling off the end.
My mom was complaining about the Geico ads the other day, she hates the
caveman ones because they are so ridiculous. My pet peeve is the Dr Scholl's
Gel foot pad ads. Give me a break, anyone that isn't affected by a cup of
hot coffee in the lap isn't gellin, they are doing a triple dose of elephant
tranquilizers. Now they've doubled the gel in the pad and they have doubled
the corniness of the ads.
If you are setting off on a trip this weekend, please be careful and watch
out
for drunk drivers as well as not drinking and driving yourself. We want you
back
next Tuesday.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Will Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Living Will Form
I, ____________
be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of
pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their
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If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at
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....it should be presumed that I won't ever get better.
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At this point, it is time to call a New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band
to come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends
to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had.
Signature: ____________
Date: ________
I also hear that in Ireland they have a Nursing Home with a Pub.
The patients are happier and they have a lot more visitors. If I
need a nursing home, send me there!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
1000 Hits
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Finstown?
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Eve's Apples
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Sex Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If Sex Was Sold In A Grocery Store...
Men would do a much better job of searching for and clipping
coupons.
Hookers would be renamed "Special Stock Girls."
If you ever were not "prepared", you could always go to Aisle 8.
There'd be confusion over Trix on Aisle 3 and "Tricks" on Aisle 10.
Clean up on Aisle 10 would take on a whole new meaning.
Same with the phrase "Freshness Dating."
Same with "Buy One, Get One Free."
No one would want to win the One Millionth Shopper award.
Paper or Plastic or Rubber?
Some men would still be in the Express Lane.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Future Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Future Quotes from Grandparents
"Hell, I remember when we only had 500 channels of mind-numbing crap to
watch!"
"You call that *dancing*? Shoot! Tell your grandma to bring that
'Macarena' CD over here and I'll show you some REAL dancing."
"When I was your age, we didn't have surgically implanted telepathy
microchips! When we wanted to talk to our friends, we had to use a CELL
PHONE!"
"Senility, my ass! I'm telling you President Hasselhoff used to have a
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Strangers Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A band at an Italian wedding decided to take requests. Nunzio walks up
and asks "Uh, do youse guys know da song "Strangers in da Night"?
The band leader says, "Sure we know that one."
Nunzio says "Hey! dat's great! But I got just one favor- could youse
play it in 5/4 time?"
"Isn't it played in 4/4 time?" the band leader asked.
"Yeah, but dis here's a special occasion, know whut I mean?"
The band discusses amongst themselves, till the leader turns and says,
"I don't think we'll have any problems."
Nunzio turns and yells out "Hey Cousin Vinnie! C'mon up here
and sing!"
Cousin Vinnie walks up to the mike as the band begins the intro, and
then starts to sing, "Strangers in da fuckin' night..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bar Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Husband and wife are in a bar, and she goes to the ladies' room. She
comes back about 10 minutes later, sits down at the bar, muttering and
swearing very softly.
The husband asks what the problem is.
"Oh, I was alone in the ladies' toilet when some guy snuck up inside
and put a gun to my head."
"Damn! What happened?"
"He told me to give him a blow job or he'd blow my brains out!"
"Yeah, then what?"
"Well you didn't hear a gun shot, did you?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Muslim Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here are some jokes from the Muslim stand-up comic Goffaq
Yussef.
Did you hear about the Broadway play, The Palestinians ?
It bombed!
What do you call a first-time offender in Saudi Arabia?
Lefty!
Did you hear about the Muslim strip club? It features full
facial nudity!
A Palestinian suspect was being grilled by Israeli police.
Honest, I'm not a suicide bomber," he said.
"I didn't say I wanted to blow myself up so I could sleep
with 72 virgins. All I said was I'm dying to get laid!"
A Palestinian girl says to her mommy: "After Abdul blows up,
can I have his room?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail
to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
SwordSisters w/ No Prayer Goes Unheard
http://domania.
ONLY THE BLOOD OF JESUS
http://www.wtv-
TheSingingMan w/Lighting The Way
http://mywebpages.
Kaye w/An Angel Within
http://www.kayeswor
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Tropical Fruit Via Dianne
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Plant Information
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All Muppets
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Freeware
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Big Key Keyboards
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Sally w/My Cheating Art
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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As you know, some people say I'm insane or crazy for doing what I'm doing
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Movies
Pool
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Whale & Kayak
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Don't Judge Too Quickly
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Always Look Both Ways
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Arthur & Ethel
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Lemme Sleep
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Drive By Farting
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter met Sharon in a nightclub. They enjoyed each other's company
very much and at the end of the evening Sharon invited Peter to her
place, where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and
energetic session in bed together.
Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and
snuggled up close to each other.
After a short while, Sharon began tenderly stroking Peter's manhood.
Surprised but appreciative, Peter comments, "Surely you can't be
ready for more already?"
Sharon replies, "No, but every now and then I get a bit nostalgic,
and I miss the days when I had mine."
After traveling a few blocks, Miss Big tits realized she had no money
and immediately informed the driver. "You'd better stop. I can't pay
you and it's ten dollars already," she said.
The driver checked her out in the rear-vision mirror.
"That's okay," he said. "I'll turn down the first dark street, get in
the back seat and take off your bra."
"You'd be cheating yourself," she replied. "This bra is only worth
five dollars."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Applause
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Stop
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Quit Staring
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Multi-Talented
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Bad Ass Mommas With Attitude
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Maybe We Oughta Rename This?
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Cock Polishing Services...
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the bottom line
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my imagination
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young lady named Mandel
Who caused quite a neighborhood scandal
By coming out bare
On the main village square
And massaging herself with a candle.
____________
A singer named Sarah assayed me
'Bout lim'ricks I wrote. She'd grade me.
Would say "aye" for a "yes,"
"Nay" for "no," so I guess
When she sang aloud "no," Sarah-nay'd-
Stan Kegel
____________
A good cook from the city of Lyme
Tried to finish a meal by lunchtime.
She started to dice
And chop the last spice,
But alas, then she ran out of thyme.
(Kirk Miller)
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blonde from Arkansas is going on her first overseas trip. She
drives all the way into Little Rock to apply for a passport. In the
passport office, the government official sees that she is visibly
puzzled filling her passport application. The passport official looks
over her shoulder and sees the blonde trying to write 'twice a week'
into the small space labeled 'SEX.'
The official explains: "No, no, no. That is not what we mean by this
question. We are asking 'Male' or 'Female.'"
"Doesn't matter," the blonde answers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fred and Jim are having a quiet beer one night when Fred announces
that he's going to divorce his wife.
"Good grief" says Jim, "You and Sue are the happiest couple I know -
why on earth would you want to divorce such a lovely woman after all
these years of obvious bliss?"
"Well" replies Fred, "Truth be known I'm just bored with pokin' the
same hole night after night after night. I guess I'm hankerin' for a
bit of variety."
Jim: "Well if you want variety, why don't you just, you know, turn
her over every now and again?"
Fred: "What - and have a house full of kids???"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 985
Getting Started
Tami: Rob did you get that CD made like I asked?
Rob: Sure did it is in the RV and ready to go.
Tami: I guess we are ready to go.
Rob: BJ and his family are just pulling out so let's go.
Tami: Okay let me play the CD.
"Going where no Tami has gone before .... these
are the adventures of the Star Wreck Enterprise..
Tami: Hey this isn't my CD.
Rob: No I don't recognize that voice.
"A-rrroo!"
Tami: I recognize that A-roo.
"Should you decide to accept this mission....the CD will self destruct in 10
seconds..."
"10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1..... R I P.... Gotcha"
Tami: Oh those rascals.
Meanwhile in the other RV...
Katie: Nice CD huh?
BJ: Yeah sounds really good, where did you get it?
Ginger: Oh we just traded for it.
The herd in Guthrie(to be continued).
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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