Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I have always loved macaroni and cheese whether homemade or
out of one of the box mixes. Now you can have it in individual
servings in just minutes from the microwave in a bowl or in its
own serving cup like another favorite Ramen Noodles.
Back in the early seventies there was no microwaves in the dorm rooms
in fact the only cooking items were popcorn poppers and coffee pots. A
hot plate would have been handy but it would have popped circuit
breakers for half of the floor. My grandmother had given me a popcorn
popper for Christmas and it got plenty of use, that is till I tried to
use it for Macaroni and Cheese. Michigan State made you buy one meal a
week when you lived in the dorms which was supposed to broaden your
horizons by making you go to a restaurant but what it usually meant was
Domino's sold about a million 3.00 large cheese pizzas on that day or
you opted for a 69 cent Barn Buster from Red Barn which was bigger than
a Whopper.
I had this plan to cook a meal in my popper. I had a box of macaroni and
cheese, some mystery meat in a can, and milk and butter smuggled out of
the cafeteria. After 3 hours I had boiling water and added the rest of
my ingredients all at the same time along with some cheese also from the
cafeteria and waited for it to come to a boil. After another couple of
hours and occasional stirring it looked cooked but it was actually a
cheesy sort of soup so I let it boil longer and ordered a pizza. A
couple of hours later it had thickened so I tasted it . It was pretty
nasty so I put the cover on it pulled the plug and decided to wait till
the next day to dump it and clean it .
Time passed days passed and I finally went over to take the popper down
to the communal bathrooms and clean it. There was some things growing in
there that may have been able to save the world, and a few things that
were probably worse than anthrax. The popper went down the incinerator
chute instead of being cleaned and I could here little fungus voices
screaming as it fell four floors. I went out when I got my next
work-study check and bought an exact replacement popcorn popper and have
never mentioned the original's fate until today.
Have some chips and stay away from the mac and cheese.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Single Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Top 13 Signs You're Going To Spend The Rest Of Your
Life Single
Courtesy of Topfive.com
13. The last time *you* got a piece of ass was due to some sub-standard
toilet paper.
12. Instead of "Occupant", your junk mail is addressed to "Loser."
11. It may be an attention-getter, but no guy wants a girlfriend who looks
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10. Snatching a grape off a block of ice with your butt-cheeks may have had
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much of a hit with your date here at Starbucks.
9. You're ALREADY in line for "Spiderman 3."
8. Your HMO has ruled your vasectomy falls under the category of
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7. Three words: rm weiner tattoo
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twitch, and now you're bawling like crazy.
5. You know that 1% of men for whom Viagra *doesn't* work? Bingo.
4. Nights are so lonely that you watch "Nightline" in hopes of catching a
wisp of Madeline Albright's thigh.
3. Even after years of therapy, you still wear your "cheese pants" because
"chicks dig 'em."
2. No woman can ever seem to make you feel as *alive* as you felt at the
TrekMania '74 convention.
1. Once you've had the President, no other man will do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Birthday Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A husband went to buy a birthday gift for his wife. Some friends had
been invited over that night to celebrate her fortieth, and he wanted to
get something special. At the store he spotted some cute little music
boxes. One blue one was playing "Happy Birthday." Thinking they were all
the same, he chose a red one and had it
gift-wrapped.
Later, at dinner, he gave it to his wife and asked her to open it. When
she lifted the lid, out came the tune to "The Old Gray Mare, She Ain't
What She Used to Be!"
(Sadly, the 2nd b'day surprise he wanted to give her had to be
cancelled. He was relegated to the couch for the night, while she slept
in the bed behind a locked door. Be advised husbands - that kind of
screw-up WILL cost you at least a dozen roses & a box of expensive
chocolates the next day !)
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Hinckley Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mr. John Hinkley St.
Elizabeth Hospital
Washington D.C.
Dear John,
Hillary and I wanted to drop you a short note
to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in
your recovery. In our country's new spirit of understanding and
forgiveness we want you to know there is a bilateral consensus of
compassion and forgiveness abroad throughout the land. Hillary and I
want you to know that no grudge is born against you for shooting
President Reagan. We, above all, are aware of how the mental stress and
pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. Hillary and I
are confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to
your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive young
man.
Best wishes,
Bill Clinton
P.S. Barrack Obama is fucking Jodie Foster
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young lady went to a dance, and she had a low-cut, strapless gown
on. Around her neck she wore a little golden airplane on a long
chain. All night she noticed a young man, staring at her.
In her embarrassment, she held up the airplane and said, "Oh, you
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the landing field."
Nadine: Were your parents upset when you got a divorce?
Jill: Well, you know how parents are. My mother said, "SO!
Is this how it's going to be? Just one man after another..for the
rest of your life?"
Nadine: Typical! What did you tell her?
Jill: I said, "Gee, I hope so!"
During a university course in human sexuality, the instructor was
discussing various items in the Kinsey report.
The class members gasped audibly when the instructor read out that a
woman had several hundred orgasms in a single session.
A male voice said, "Wow, who was she?"
A female voice followed with, "The hell with her...Who was HE?'
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I was in the Navy, women were assigned to the WAVES. When we
finally got leave after three months, our Captain told the WAVE
Captain she'd better keep her girls under lock and key. The WAVE
Captain, tapping her temple, replied. "Don't worry. My girls have it
up here !"
Our Captain said, "It doesn't matter where they have it. Once those
throttle jocks start looking, they'll find it."
A man goes up to Jill at a bar and says to her, "I've got a condom
with your name on it"
Jill says to him, "You must be mistaken my name's not 'Trojan Extra Small'"
My husband and I were having serious difficulties in our marriage. I
came home from work one day, and I said, "We need to talk. Our sex
life is in a lot of trouble."
He replied, "Yes it is."
I said to him, "Please, tell me all your sexual fantasies."
And his answer to me was, "Why, you're not in any of them."
With that we went to divorce court
Q. Why don't men know the meaning of fear?
A. They only know one four-letter word beginning with F.
Nina the office blonde said that with all the new transplants they're
doing, she'd like to see about being a virgin again.
But Jill just laughed and said, "And where in hell do you think
they'd find a donor?"
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Spray Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sidney has a problem with premature ejaculation, so he pays a visit
to a sex shop for a remedy.
The clerk hands him a little purple can and says, "This is Stay-Hard
spray... put on a little and you can go all night!"
Excited, Sidney takes it home, stashes it in the cellar on a shelf,
and waits eagerly for bedtime.
Later that night, he sprays some on his member and then goes upstairs
to his wife. To his utter disappointment, however, the remedy seems
to make him orgasm quicker than ever.
The next day, Sidney returns to the sex shop, angrily slammed the can
down on the counter, and snaps, "This stuff makes me worse than
before!"
Upon reading the label, the clerk asks, "I don't suppose your hid
this stuff on your basement shelf, did you?"
"Yeah, so?"
"You must have grabbed the wrong can, sir... this is Easy-Off."
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Say Your Sorry
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Derby Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Little Derby Humor
Churchill Downs
A group of Kentucky second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two
female teachers, went on a field trip to Churchill Downs, the famous
Louisville race track, to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.
When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that
the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one
of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.
Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants and
began hoisting the boys up one by one, holding onto their "wee-wees" to
direct the flow away from their clothes.
As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well
endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You
must be in the fourth grade."
He replied: "No, ma'am, I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 7th race today".
HAPPY DERBY DAY!!!
Anita
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'll Have the Brown Crap
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a poor parson from Goring,
Who made a small hole in his flooring,
Fur-lined it all round,
Then laid on the ground,
And declared it was cheaper than whoring.
____________
There was a young actress from Crewe,
Who remarked as the vicar withdrew,
The Bishop was quicker
and thicker and slicker,
and two inches longer than you.
____________
There was a old man from Leeds
who swallowed a packet of seeds
great tuffs of grass
shot out of his arse
and his cock was covered in weeds.
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A bible-thumping preacher was really getting it going
one Sunday, and in the heat of the Gospel, an
attractive lady leaned out of the balcony a little too
far, and fell over the railing.
As she passed the chandelier on the way down, the hem
of her dress caught on part of the fixture, and she
hung there with her dress pulled clear over her hips
for everyone's viewing pleasure!
The preacher, a sensitive sort, cried out, "Any man
who dares to look shall be struck blind!"
A fellow in the front row nudged his friend and said,
"Hell, I'm gonna chance it. This left eye ain't worth
a shit, anyway!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A redneck arrived home from work one day and found, to his dismay, his young
wife laying on the couch with a very swollen esophagus and neck. She also
was ailin' with a high fever. He immediately put her in his pickup truck and
drove to the emergency room of a local hospital. They, in turn, admitted her
into the Intensive Care Unit and asked that he wait in the waiting room.
After 2 hours of pacing, the man was getting impatient, increasingly more
irritated and upset. Finally the ICU doctor came through the door and
approached him. The redneck blurted out, "What the hell's wrong with mah
wife, Doc?!" The doctor looked at him very calmly and said, "Mr. Jackson, I
think your wife has acute angina, and I want to keep her here tonight." With
a very loud voice, the redneck said, "Like hell!! I think it's cute too, but
what are you doin' lookin' at it to begin with, when the
problem's is in her neck?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 968
Don't Let the Rain Stop You From Cryin'
Rudy: When will it stop raining pops?
BJ: The weather man said Friday.
Sandi: Moan, that is five more days!!!
BJ: It could be worse.
Katie: Worse, how could it be worse?
BJ: It rained 40 days and 40 nights a long time
ago.
Sly: No way!
Diana: Way! And the whole world was flooded.
Rudy: So how did the dogs find a tree to relieve
themselves?
BJ: All the animals were on one large boat.
Katie: Whew, I bet that was ripe.
Sandi: I am sleepy, all this rain makes me tired.
Diana: You get tired if it rains or if it doesn't rain.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Katie: I have a sister that cannot stay awake.
I have a brother that is afraid of storms.
Ginger: I am not afraid of anything.
Katie: And I have an idiot.
Ginger: Yeah, I have one to.
BJ: Hey your dog houses are floating by...
Miss Kitty: LOL!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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