Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Someone had a really great idea that I heard about last night
that deals with helping remind teenagers with proms this weekend
about staying sober when they are having fun. it sends the text
message to their cell phone at 8 pm when they are likely to be
leaving for the prom. The message is "Have fun 2night.
Stay safe. Don't drink. Luv u." I think this would be a
good feature to use every evening on our teenagers but I guess
once has more impact. To use this feature or check it out just
go to http://prmtxt.
the date of the prom.
Speaking of dating Randy sends the following joke that may make
you chuckle especially on a prom weekend where tuxedos, gowns,
flowers, and limos can run into thousands of dollars for some.
Worried that his son was spending too much money
on dates, a Father asked the boy how much his last
date had cost.
The son calculated a minute then replied, "Oh, about
$15 or so I think."
"Well," said the Father, "I'm proud of you for finally
coming up with an inexpensive evening."
"To be honest Dad," the son went on, "we'd have
done more, but that was all the money she had."
Have a great weekend... buffalo
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A hot shot East Coast newspaper reporter was on assignment in
Arkansas when he struck up a conversation with a young lady
in a bar. After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they get
their own bottle and retire to his motel room, and she readily
agreed.
"Say, how old are you anyway?" the reporter asked as the
obviously young lass was disrobing.
"Thirteen," she replied with a shy smile.
"Thirteen? My God, girl! You get those clothes back on at once
and get the hell outta here! 13? You are crazy!" he thundered.
Pausing briefly at the door, the perplexed nymphet smiled and
said, "Superstitious, huh?"
"Mom, can I ask you something?"
"Sure! What about?" replied mother.
"Well, I'm already fourteen and..
I think it's just proper that I should
Own one."
"Own 'one' what?" mother asked suspiciously.
"Could you buy me a push up bra?"
"No."
"But my nipples are already prominent and
It catches attention."
"Nope."
"I think it would be just proper at my age..."
"I said no way...!"
"But all of my friends wear.......!
Adrian! How many times must I tell you that
Bras are for girls!?"
Nancy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Ozzy Osbourne: The early days
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Off The Mark
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Instant Asshole
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Why Not To Be Wed
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What Viagra Does To Women http://www.ezines4a
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Acting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An out-of-work actor gets a call from his agent one day.
"I got you a job. It's a one-liner."
"That's okay!" replies the actor, "I've been out of work for
so long I'll take anything. What's the line?"
"Hark, I hear the cannons roar," says the agent.
"I love it!" says the actor. "When's the audition?"
"Wednesday," says the agent.
Wednesday comes and the actor arrives at the audition. He
marches on stage and shouts, "Hark, I hear the cannons roar!"
"Brilliant!" says the director, "you've got the job! The first
show is at 9 o'clock, Saturday night."
The actor is so excited that he goes on a major bender. He
wakes up 8:30 Saturday evening and runs to the theater,
continually repeating his line, "Hark, I hear the cannons
roar! Hark, I hear the cannons roar!" He arrives and is
stopped by the bouncer.
"Who the heck are you?"
"I'm Hark, I hear the cannons roar" says the actor.
"You're Hark, I hear the cannons roar?" says the bouncer.
"You're late! Get up to makeup right now!"
So, the actor runs up to makeup.
"Who the heck are you?" asks the makeup girl.
"I'm Hark, I hear the cannons roar!" he says.
"You're late! Sit down." So she applies the makeup. "Now,
quick, get down to the stage, it's almost time to say your
line!"
So he dashes down to the stage.
"Who the heck are you?" asks the stage manager.
"I'm Hark, I hear the cannons roar!" he replies.
"Oh, thank God! Just in time! Now get out there, the curtains
are about to go up!"
So, the actor runs onto the stage. The curtains rise and he
sees that the house is full. Suddenly, there is an almighty
bang behind him, and the bewildered actor shouts, "What the
fuck was THAT?!"
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Marine Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was 5 o'clock in the morning at the U.S. Marine boot camp, well below
freezing, and the soldiers were asleep in their barracks. The drill sergeant
walked in and bellowed, "This is a birthday suit inspection! I wanna see you
all formed up outside and butt naked now!"
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to form up in their three ranks. The sergeant walked out and yelled, "Close
up the ranks and conserve your body heat!"
The soldiers complied and moved closer together. The captain appeared with
his swagger stick. He walked up to the first soldier and whacked him right
across the chest. "Did that hurt?" he yelled.
"No, Sir!"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"
The captain then walked up to the next soldier and whacked him right across
the chest. "Did that hurt?" he yelled.
"No, Sir!"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a U.S. Marine, Sir!"
The captain was rather impressed with the toughness of the soldiers; so he
walked up to a third soldier. The captain noticed that the soldier had an
enormous erection, so naturally he gave his target a huge whack with the
swagger stick. "Did that hurt?" he yelled.
"No, Sir!"
"Why not?"
"Because it belongs to the guy behind me, Sir!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A cop stops his police car when he sees a couple sitting on the curb. The
chap is laying on his side with his trousers pulled down, the girl has her
finger in his asshole, and she's reaming away with a vengeance.
The cop says, "What the hell is going on here?"
The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night
with him, he started pounding down the booze. Now, he's too drunk to drive
me home, so I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke."
The cop says, "That's not gonna make him puke."
She says, "Yeah? Wait till I switch this finger to his mouth."
Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby
son.
The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have
sex?"
The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."
A leper walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender glanced over and
promptly threw up all over himself and the floor.
The leper looked hurt and said, "Hey, I know I'm not exactly handsome, but I
do have feelings and you could be a little sensitive about them."
The bartender, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, looked up and proclaimed,
"I'm sorry as hell man, but it wasn't you. That guy sitting next to you
keeps dipping his pretzels in your neck."
Nancy
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Blind Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down.
The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands
him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just
bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order
from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish
pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and
hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a
deep breath. "Ahh, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed
potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards
the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her
what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings
him a menu again. "Sir, remember ? I'm the blind man." "I'm sorry, I
didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again
retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another
deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the
macaroni and cheese with broccoli." Once again walking away in
disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him
and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going
to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming
and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Amy, rub this fork on your
panties before I take it to the blind man." Amy complies and hands her
husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the
owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered
you and I already have the fork ready for you." The blind man puts the
fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says,
"Hey! I didn't know that Amy worked here!"
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Psycho Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Psycho Pick-Up Lines...
Wanna swap meds?"
"Can I buy you a spatula?"
"Bet you're wondering why I have no nostrils?"
"Your crawlspace or mine?"
"You look like the kind of person who appreciates catheters."
"May I lick your forehead?"
"Do you always wear your shoes over your socks?"
"Smeep. Smeep. Smeep."
"What's your favorite flavor of wood?"
"You've stolen my heart, but thats okay because I have three more back
home in the freezer!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
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Movies
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Important Message
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Bored At Work
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Humphrey
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Frog Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A princess is walking along a pond in the royal
gardens when she looks down and sees a really
ugly frog. Picking the frog up, she comments on
the creatures rather hideous appearance.
Princess: "My, but you are really an ugly frog!"
Frog: "I know, I know, I got a really bad spell on me."
Princess: "Well I've seen frogs with spells but, none
as ugly as you."
Frog: "Look, leave me alone lady. I told you, it's a really
bad spell."
Princess: "Well even so, if I kiss you will you turn into
a prince?"
Frog: "I don't know lady, a spell this bad will probably
take a blow job."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cigarette Ad
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I Can Explain
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Roughing It
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One More Time
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Hell
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Caught
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next time you meet Millie Day,
And she lures you to bed for a lay,
Remember, you simp,
I'm her bona fide Pimp,
And get half the cash that you pay!
- - - - - - - - - -
There was a young athlete named Grimmon,
Who developed a new way of swimmin'...
By a marvelous trick,
He would scull with his prick,
Which attracted loud cheers from the women.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My girlfriend was going to grad school to become a psychiatric social
worker. Expenses were greater than she anticipated so she got a night
job.
One night she got a call asking if she would work a private surprise
party. She explained it was her first time, and if her girlfriend (me)
could come along. The hostess agreed.
I don't know who was the most surprised; the "birthday boy", my
girlfriend or me. When the "cake" was brought into the room my
girlfriend was to pop out of the cake, yell "Surprise!" and sit on the
lap of the guest of honor. The cake came in. My bare-chested girlfriend
pops up, looked at the man and yelled, "Oh my God!! Its Professor Mann!"
She left the room in tears. He then called out to her, "Don't give up
your day job!"
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a huge hole in my ass."
The doctors says "drop your pants, bend over and let's have a look".
"Fuck me!!" says the doctor. "What could have made a hole as big as that?"
Patient replies "I've been fucked by an elephant."
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Patient replies "He fingered me first."
Nancy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 978
Ginger and Spice and Not Very Nice
Tami is taken to traffic court. The judge is Judge Rudy.
Tami: Ack! This isn't fair. Where is my court appointed
attorney?
Here I come!
Tami sees....Ginger coming: Oh no, not you.
Ginger: Yes, I am your attorney.
Judge Rudy: Will the jury be brought in.
Twelve Gingers come in the court room.
Tami: Thud!
A few minutes later after Sandi has applied the smelling
salts....
Tami: Hack, gag, I am okay. What are the charges?
Why am I here?
Judge Rudy: You have been charged with being a good
neighbor to us Miss Tami. How do you plead?
Ginger: Plead guilty and throw yourself on the mercy of
the court.
Tami: I don't know what to say.
Judge Rudy: I find the defendant guilty and sentence her to
life of being our friend and the butt of our jokes. A-rooo!
Tami: If this doesn't take the cake.
Sandi: Cake? Where is the cake?
All the Ginger outfits in the jury are pulled off and Tami sees
they are Horace and Gus's clan and starts to have a good belly
laugh.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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