My Name is buffalo and I have the watch.
I was listening to a gentleman on Coast to Coast AM that hosts
a show on Hunting Sasquaech. This is one of those things that
even though I have never seen one, I haven't dismissed them
as non-existant, His estimates were that there are about 10,000
of them living mostly in the Northern US and Canada, where there
are lots of woods to conceal them even though being omnivores
they like to have roadways, powerline right of ways, or railways
that let light into the forest floor so that plant that they eat can grow
and also support the small animals they eat. They can run 35 to
40 mph which allows them to catch deer and rabbits. They also
have the strength to rip the doors off of your car and drag you out
making playing jokes on them like the Jack's Links commercials
a really bad idea.
Anyhow, this show brought back memories of Jeff, a quality control
inspector at the flywheel factory. Jeff was also a participant in the
annual Toughman contests and had come in second place several years
in a row. Jeff was telling me he was going on vacation for a couple of
and going to a town in Ontario called Wawa. There isn't much there
and when I asked why he wanted to go there he said it was to find a
sasquatch.He then said his plan was to fight it and knock it out and
then he was going to tour the country with it as the man who had
knocked out a sasquatch. Fortunately for him and possibly the
sasquatch, Jeff's vacation had been detoured to hanging out in a bar
and chasing women.
I loss track of jeff as the plant closed the next year until 2012
when my nephew got a job at a company here that makes surgical
tools. Frankie asked if I knew a guy named Jeff who was his
foreman. I gave Frankie enough stories to harass Jeff for awhile,
but that's what friends are for.
Enjoy the chips..... buff
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Many years ago my wife was a knitting expert. She designed exotic patterns
with ease. There was an occasion when we had lunch in a real Chinese
restaurant (only one person spoke 'pidgin' English, and all menus were in
Chinese). When she saw the handwritten menu, she was so impressed with the
calligraphy she tucked it in her purse. Some months later I saw the
result -- it was a stunning white sweater with the Chinese symbols
hand-stitched down the front. She received compliments galore until, at one
party when we met a distinguished Chinese physician, who asked my wife where
she got the symbols. He then wanted to know if she knew what they meant.
"I'm afraid to ask," she said, "but tell me anyway." Even she had to laugh
when the doctor told her they read, "This is a cheap dish -- but good."
A farmer asked a friend to recommend an attorney to defend him against a
charge of bestiality. "I know a great trial lawyer," the fellow said, "but
he's expensive and doesn't know how to pick a jury. I know another lawyer,"
he continued, "who's not a great trial lawyer, but he's cheap and really
knows how to pick a jury." The farmer settled on the cheap attorney, but
immediately had second thoughts when the key witness, a neighbor, began his
testimony. "I saw Jud mount his goat from behind," he said, "and when he was
finished, I saw the goat turn around and lick Jud's pecker." The accused
farmer was devastated and had all but given up hope of acquittal when a
juror in overalls whispered to the fellow next to him, "You know, a good
goat will do that."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rubber Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, I have to tell you, there have been many signs that times change
in an area that was once predominantly family farm territory but has
since turned to factory work. Not nearly as many of us grew up on farms
as did once upon a time. Then again, once upon a time, I wouldn't have
this story to tell.
A young woman who works at the local Convenience Store answered the
telephone at work yesterday. There was a man on the other end of the
line. "Do you have any Tingly Rubbers down there?"
She was taken aback a bit, but answered him to the best of her
abilities. "No, I'm sorry but we don't. We do have others, though."
He said, "I know you have them. I get them there all the time."
She said, "Let me look again.
The men in the store had no idea what the conversation was about at this
time, because they were only privy to her end of the matter. She came
back to the phone and confidently stated, "Sir, I'm sorry. We don't
have any Tingly Rubbers, only Trojan."
This is when the snorting and coughing began. The gentleman on the
phone said, "What? Trojan?? No, I want Tingly's, size large."
Believe it or not, looking to help the gentleman, she said, "Well, we
only have Trojan and I think they're one size fits all. You can get
them lots of ways, though. Ribbed, lubricated...I don't know if they'll
give you tingles, though."
The men in the store are just ROLLING about now. The man on the phone
states in a rather chilly tone, "I do not believe you and I are
discussing the same type of rubbers!" He hung up on her at that point.
Mom found out about it, casually went to the shelf and reached up. She
grabbed a box of Large Tingly Rubbers. The poor gal saw the picture of
the rubber on the front of the box and turned 10 shades of red. Guess
some people call those galoshes, or some such. Anyhow, phone at the
convenience store has been ringing off the hook with people checking
stock on the Tingly Rubbers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Car Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man ordered for a voice automated robot car that does
anything he tells it to do correctly without any error. He got the car and
became very proud of what the car could do without mistakes.
One day, he was home and his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick
the children from school as she was very tired.
The man agreed and said to the car, "Car, go and bring my
children from school."
The car went and didn't return in time as expected, they knew
something must be wrong. Several hours later and no car, the man became
apprehensive. He dressed up and got ready to lodge a report at the police
station. As he and his wife stepped outside they saw the car coming with an
overload of children.
The car parked right in front of them and said, "These are your
children sir".
In the car were their Landlady's two daughters, their choir mistress's two
sons, his wife's best friend's daughter, their pastor's son and their
neighbours two sons.
The wife who was angry shouted at her husband, "Don't tell me all these are
your children!"
The man asked her calmly, "Can you first tell me why our children are not in
the car?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young, naive new bride went to lunch with an older more experienced
girlfriend from work soon after returning from her honeymoon. Her new found
friend asked, "How are was enjoying married life?" "Well," the new bride
responded, "I'm a bit concerned because my husband has this habit of falling
asleep with his erect penis inside of me." "Is that a problem for you?" her
girlfriend asked. The response was, "Well, the problem is he walks in his
sleep!"
Bill's friend Harry and several of his buddies used to frequent a certain
restaurant. The food was always good, but the waitress always looked and
sounded very sour. One evening, one of the friends was feeling rather good,
and jokingly asked the waitress when she came to take their orders, "Do you
believe in free sex?" The waitress huffed up and yelled at him, "I certainly
do NOT!" "So," asked they guy, "what do you charge?"
My teacher is really giving me a tough time," Little Johnny was telling his
father. "Handle it this way Johnny," his father advised. "Take special care
with your personal appearance and attire. Pay attention in class. And do
your assignments and homework promptly." "I really don't think that'll help
Dad," Johnny sighed. "She hissed at me during study break that she's 3 weeks
overdue."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please forgive our lack of a fancy template at the moment and
enjoy these pages from our friends.
Predestined
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Insp/C/Pre.html
Forgiving
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Misc_files/A/Fg.html
A Little Gift
http://www.adreamandasmile.com/Smiles-6/A_Little_Gift.html
Dear Special Friend
http://www.adreamandasmile.com/Frdshp-6/Dear_Special_Friend.html
Australian Fire Tornado!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/firetornado.html
Frost Flowers
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/frostflowers.html
Wieliczka Salt Mine!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/saltmine.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q and A Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. What is the leading cause of death with lesbians? Answer: Hair balls.
2. How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail? Answer: You see
a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive
3. What can Life Savers do that men cannot? Answer: Come in five flavors
4. What is good on pizza but bad on pussy? Answer: Crust
5. Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey? Answer: Because Kermit likes
sweet and sour pork
6. How can you tell if you have a high sperm count? Answer: If your
girlfriend chews before swallowing (OMG!)
7. What do you get when you cross a Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough
Boy? Answer: A red headed bitch with a yeast infection
8. How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh? Answer: By sticking your finger
in his honey
9. What is the ultimate rejection? Answer: When your masturbating and
your hand falls asleep
10. What did Bill Clinton say to Monica? Answer: I told you to lick my
erection, not wreck my election.
11. What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
Answer: Each can smell it but can't eat it
12. What do you call a blonde with pigtails? Answer: A blow job with
handle bars
13. What do you call a group of blondes on roller skates? Answer: A
mobile sperm bank.
14 What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill over her head? Answer:
All you can eat.... under a buck.
15. What do you get when you cross a rooster with a telephone pole?
Answer: A 30ft cock that wants to reach out and touch someone.
16. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed? Answer: cherry float.
17. What did the after hours sign on the whorehouse door say? Answer:
Beat It - we're closed.
18. Why do bull walruses go to Tupperware parties? Answer: To find a
tight seal.
19. What do you do with 365 used rubbers? Answer. Melt them down, make a
tire, and call it a Goodyear.
20. What's the difference between sin and shame? Answer. It is a sin to
put it in; a shame to pull it out.
21. What's the speed limit of sex? Answer. 68; at 69 you have to turn
around.
22. Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box? Answer. She kept
sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"
23. Why is air a lot like sex? Answer. Because it's no big deal unless
you're not getting any.
24. What's another name for pickled bread? Answer. Dill-dough
25. Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants? Answer. He heard the
snow blower coming.
26. When do Monica Lewinsky's cheeks get puffy? Answer: When she's
withholding evidence
27. What's the difference between light and hard? Answer. You can sleep
with a light on.
28. Why do women rub their eyes when they get out of bed? Answer.
Because they don't have balls to scratch.
29. Why is sex like a bridge game? Answer. You don't need a partner if
you have a good hand.
30. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? Answer. Their
balls are just for decoration.
31. Why don't blind people like to sky dive? Answer. Because it scares
the hell out of the dog
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
School Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a
living. All the typical answers came up - fireman, mechanic, businessman,
salesman... and so forth.. However, little Justin was being
uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his
father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes
off all his clothes to music in front of other men and they put money in his
underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some
guy and stay with him all night for money." The teacher, obviously shaken by
this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises
and took little Justin aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your
father?" "No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee
and helped to get Obama elected, but it's too embarrassing to say that in
front of the other kids."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Italian Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his
bedside, "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome
plated ...38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex
watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna
have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of
bambinos. "
"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with
another man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'Times
up!' "?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BEST BARTENDER JOKE EVER!
A Lawyer, an Illegal Alien, a Pathological Liar,
a Muslim, a Communist and a Black Guy walk
into a BAR.
Bartender asks....
"What'll it be, Mr. President?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
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William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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