My name is buffalo and I have the watch.
I spent most of last night wide awake because of the heat. It isn't
bad during the day but I like to see it in the fifties at night and it is
70 outside at 0300. Since Eva is over at one of her classmates
house it is quiet and I have been up answering mail and working on
the chips. Eva also got to go to the state park today, her third trip
to the beach this summer mainly because after the heavy thunderstorms
last month it cleaned up all of the animal feceson the bech and rivers
and dumped them into the mouth of Lake superior. The Health Dept closed the
beaches for a week or so till the Lake flushed everything down to
Detroit and Chicago and the Health Dept. reopened the beaches.
Eva is having a great time this summer because she is finally allowed
out to play in her yard and at a couple of close neighbors.
Eva came home from school a few months ago with a note from
her teacher where she had been forced to spend some in class
detention for what appeared to be sexually harassing a boy in her class
and I asked her what the story was and she said she had kissed a boy.
I asked her if she liked the boy and she said , " No, I hate him because
always bugging me." I asked her why she had kissed him and she said
she knew if she did that he would leave her alone and he had run off
crying and hadn't bothered her since. after I got done laughing I told her
you better not do that anymore.
Enjoy the chips and stay cool .... buff
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Logic Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LOGIC
Woman: Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about 3
Woman: How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose
Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your
spending each month at $450.
In one year, it would be approximately $5400, correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could
have been put in a step-up
interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the
past 20 years, you could have
now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No
Man: Where's your Ferrari?
Robert
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ranch Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town.
Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was
marrying a 'mail order' bride.
Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true.
Tom assured him that it was.
The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be.
Tom proudly said, 'She'll be twenty-one in November.'
Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual
appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year- old man.
Wanting his old friend's remaining years to be happy the banker tactfully
suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on
the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.
Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that
afternoon.
About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again.
'How's the new wife?', asked the banker.
Tom proudly said, 'Good - she's pregnant.'
The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, 'And how's
the hired hand?'
Without hesitating, Tom said, 'She's pregnant too.'
Joan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Swimming Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly man in Floridahad owned a large farm for several years. He had a
large pond in the back.
It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic
tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange, and lime trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been
there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the
pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of
young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked
or make you get out of the pond naked..'
Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'
Some old men can still think fast.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
`Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, a class of third graders from the city was taking a field trip to
the country to visit a small farm. The kids were amazed to see all the
different kinds of animals on the farm. So the farmer asks one little girl,
"What's the difference between a rooster and a hen?"
"The hen lays eggs." replied the little girl. "Very good!" said the farmer.
Then the farmer asked another little girl, "What's the difference between a
duck and a turkey?"
"Well," replied the little girl. "Turkeys can't swim and turkeys are what we
have on Thanksgiving Day."
"Very good!" exclaimed the farmer. Then he asks little Johnny, "Do you know
the difference between a bull and a cow?"
"Yes, I do" replied little Johnny from the city. "Bulls smile when you milk
them."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please forgive our lack of a fancy template at the moment and
enjoy these pages from our friends.
Just Have Faith!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/faith.html
Eagle Rescue
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eaglerescue.html
Rules For US Civilians
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rules.html
Wal-Mart Greeter
http://www.adreamandasmile.com/Smiles/Wal_Mart_Greeter.html
Inviting Friendship
http://www.adreamandasmile.com/Frdshp/How_Inviting.html
!7 Angry Notes From MYant
http://noneedtoapply.com/17-hilarious-angry-notes-from-your-neighbors/
Current Events Test
http://pewresearch.org/politicalquiz/quiz/index.php
Platypus Via Dianne
http://tinyurl.com/ybbk7kn
Beautiful Frogs Via Dianne
http://www.funonthenet.in/articles/beautiful-frogs.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Court Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light. The driver
is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer,
demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!
So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist
instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual
orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.
The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.
When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower
right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the
'violator' for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when
presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it
stands for.
The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're
an asshole!"
Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record
and he is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent
him.
On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light.
Under cross examination the defense attorney asks, "Officer is this a
reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"
Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and
mine, same number at the top."
Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket
you don't normally make?"
"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH,"
underlined."
"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"
"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."
"Aggressive and hostile?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?"
"Well, sir, you know your client better than I do."
How often can one get an attorney to convict his own client.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Texas Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Frenchman, an Italian, and a Texan were discussing lovemaking.
"Last night I made love to my wife three times," boasted the Frenchman.
"She was in sheer ecstasy this morning."
"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian
responded, "And this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me
she could never love another man."
When the Texan remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how
many times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once," he replied.
"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted.
"What did she say to you this morning?" asked the Italian.
"Don't stop," said the Texan.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The nipples of Sarah Sarong,
When excited, were twelve inches long.
This embarrassed her lover
Who was pained to discover
She expected no less of his dong.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A lady walks into a bar and sees a really
good-looking guy sitting at the
bar by himself. She goes over and asks him what he
is drinking. "Magic Beer".he says .
She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after
realizing that there is no one else worth talking to, goes back to the
man sitting at the bar and says, "That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?
"Yes", I'll show you." He takes a drink of the beer,
jumps out the window, flies around the building three times and comes
back in the window.
The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that
again." He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies
around the building three times, and comes back in the window She is so
amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer so the guy says to the
bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having." She gets her drink, takes
a gulp of the beer,jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks
every bone in her body, and dies.
The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You
know, Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*********************************************
Remember 9/11/01
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William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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