My name is buffalo and I have the watch.
I know it has been a long time since you heard me say that and I
apologize but I have been on a quest to find my lost sense of humor
and desire to be a part of society. it seemed though, for a long time,
like every one that I loved and was close to was dying and when you
start feeling like the Grim Reaper it is pretty depressing and I would
put off the lists and even my personal mail until Outlook Express
reached it bursting point and became a corrupt mess and then I
would delete the Inbox and with it the responsibility to reply to
my friends that wondered where I was. About 800 of you found me
where I was hiding on Facebook playing Farmville and sending out
daily cartoons and jokes and finally I started communicating again.
Anyhow enough about me and let's talk about our country on its
237th birthday. It seems like only yesterday we were having our
200th birthday party on both coasts simultaneously on the
Constitution (Old Ironsides) and the Constellation CV-64. There was
fireworks and air shows but the biggest thrill was the stars. If you
thought it looked like the cast of Pearl Harbor, the Longest Day,
and other war films there was a good reason. These stars with words
like Admiral, General, and Colonel after their names had been in the
bombers dodging flak, the troops landing at Normandy, and ships
fighting against the Kamikaze attacks in the Pacific. It is amazing they
survived but even more amazing they risked the nightmares and
traumas of PTSD to recreate their stories. Most of those heroes
are gone now as time did what the enemy could not do and they
have been replaced by animals that step on our flag as an expression
of their music.
On the bases in our country this year there are no star-studded
shows, no fireworks, and no air shows. There is plenty of blame to go
around for this in Congress but as a nation we can do something.
Invite our soldiers, sailors, and airmen to the fireworks, parades,
picnics, and concerts and give them a front row seat and say thanks.
Be safe and a Happy 4th of July to everyone.
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Test Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With the 4th of July coming up, can you pass the test to become a US
Citizen? Here is an excerpt from the test for citizenship---to test your
citizenship worthiness. Good luck! The answers are listed at the end of
the email .....
1. What do the stripes on the flag mean?
a) They represent the 13 original colonies
b) They represent each of the people who signed the Declaration of
Independence
c) They represent the battles fought for United States independence
2. How many changes or amendments are there to the Constitution?
a) 23
b) 19
c) 27
3. What are the three branches of our government?
a) Legislative, executive, and judicial
b) Legislative, parliamentary, judicial
c) Executive, legislative, parliamentary
4. What did the Emancipation Proclamation do?
a) It ordered that Pilgrims be freed from British oppression
b) It ordered that slaves in rebel territory be freed
c) It allowed citizens of the United States to claim land
5. Who becomes president of the United States if the president and the
vice president should die?
a) The secretary of state
b) The attorney general
c) The Speaker of the House of Representatives
6. Which countries were our principal allies during World War II?
a) United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Russia, Italy, France
b) United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Italy, China, France
c) United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Russia, China, France
7. What is the 49th state of the Union (United States)?
a) Alaska
b) Hawaii
c) New Mexico
8. How many Supreme Court justices are there?
a) 9
b) 12
c) 13
9. What is the national anthem of the United States?
a) "America the Beautiful"
b) "This Land is Your Land"
c) "The Star-Spangled Banner"
10. In what year was the Constitution written?
a) 1776
b) 1771
c) 1787
11. What is the name of the ship that brought the Pilgrims to America?
a) Constitution
b) Mayflower
c) Titanic
________________________________________________
Answer Key: 1) a, 2) c, 3) a, 4) b, 5) c, 6) c, 7) a, 8) a, 9) c, 10) c,
11) b
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Kentucky teacher was quizzing her students. "Johnny,
who signed the Declaration of Independence?"
He was older than some of the others. He said, " Damn
if I know who signed the fucking thing."
She was a little put out by his swearing, so she told
him to go home and to bring his father with him when
he came back.
Next day, the father came with his son, sat in the back
of the room to observe, as the teacher requested. She
started back in on her quiz and finally got back to the
boy. "Now, Johnny, I'll ask you again. Who signed the Declaration of
Independence?"
"Well, hell, teacher," Johnny said, "I told you I didn't
know."
The father jumped up in the back, pointed a stern finger
at his son, and said, "Johnny, if you signed that fucking thing, you
damn well better own up to it!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Firearm Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"HOW I USED MY NEW BOX OF SHELLS"
Shot # 1 Missed target completely at 100 yards. Rifle needed sighting
in.
Shot # 2 Hit target in lower right-hand corner--from 10 yards.
Shot # 3 Bull's-eye--after getting rifle back from gunsmith
who sighted it in.
Shot # 4 Accidentally pulled trigger while loading rifle in vehicle,
will repair transmission when I get home.
Shot # 5 Fired into air to signal start of drive. Fined $200
by game warden for killing a turkey.
Shot # 6 The excitement of seeing my first deer caused me to fire before
rifle was to my shoulder-- I only had to replace left boot.
Shot # 7 Missed deer completely, not so sure about cow across the field.
Shot # 8 To clean mud from barrel after falling over cliff while being
chased by farmer. Now I'm sure about cow.
Shot # 9 Slipped and fell while crossing stream. Buddy says I'll have to
replace his hunting cap and also pay for having his underwear washed.
Shot # 10 Forgot can opener. Opened a can of pork and beans. The few
beans that were left tasted too much like gunpowder to eat them.
Shot # 11 Shot too low at deer, glanced off rock and wounded
a chipmunk.
Shot # 12 Finished off wounded chipmunk.
Shot # 13 Checked scope again, hit big bucket hanging on pole. Hope
people get electricity back soon.
Shot # 14 At deer moving through brush, I'd never heard some of the
words that it used.
Shot # 15 To check scope again after being hit on the head with my own
rifle.
Shot # 16 Knocked buck down but didn't go to claim it when game warden
tried to arrest a nearby hunter for killing a doe.
Shot # 17 Gun accidentally fired while dragging it under fence. Have to
replace right boot now.
Shot # 18 Won a $1.00 bet from buddy who said I couldn't hit a junked
car on other hill. Hot radiators sure do make a lot of steam.
Shot # 19 Killed running buck with 3-inch spike at 625 yards. It takes
skill to be a good hunter.
Shot # 20 Save till I get home and use it on a mouse in my pantry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please forgive our lack of a fancy template at the moment and
enjoy these pages from our friends.
Melva
http://www.silverandgoldandthee.net/V/Sac.html
Melva
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/V/Lil.html
Freedom Isn't Free!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/freedom.html
Who Is This Jesus?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jesus.html
Proud Of Our Troops 5
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops5.html
Liberty Air Show!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/liberty.html
DC Tea Party
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/teaparty.html
No Words Needed
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nowords.html
Rich Vs Poor
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/richvspoor.html
Happy Blessed 4th Of July!
:) Shangy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cherry Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father and his three beautiful, blonde, daughters went into a hotel to
stay for the night. When the daughters went to check in, they saw a
really good-looking bellboy. The father caught the three girls looking
at him and he threatened to kill the bellboy if he did anything at all
with them. So the bellboy minded his own business and ignored the
girls.
While he was working ever so diligently, the eldest daughter goes up to
him and says "If you don't do it with me in bed, I will pour red juice
on the sheets of my bed and tell my father that you popped my cherry."
Fearing for his life, he did it with her. Then he saw the beautiful
middle daughter in the hallway and she too walked over to him and said
"If you don't do it with me, I'll pour red juice on my bed and tell my
father that you popped my cherry."
Again fearing for his life, he agreed. Later that evening the youngest
blonde daughter saw him. She walked up to him and said "If you don't
have sex with me, I'll pour green juice all over the bed and tell my
father that you popped my cherry."
"Green juice?" He asked. "Why Green?"
She replied, "Because my cherry is not ripe yet, duh."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rosary Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Father O'Brian, a young priest was sent to a very
small church in the backwoods of Alaska. After a
couple of years the Bishop decided to pay the priest
a visit to see how he was doing.
Father O'Brian said "this is a very lonely job and I
don't think that I could have made it this long without
my Rosary and two martinis each day."
"What?!" Exclaimed the Bishop. "You've taken to drinking?
What kind of example is that to set for the community?
This doesn't reflect well on the church."
"But the loneliness, I just couldn't stand it. If it
weren't for my Rosary and those two martinis a day, I
would surely have gone insane."
The Bishop thought a moment, then said "I guess that
is understandable considering..."
With that the priest said to the Bishop, "Would you like to have a
martini with me?"
The Bishop said, "well, I really shouldn't but...Yes,
that would be nice. I think I will, but just this once."
The priest turned around and hollered toward the kitchen, "Rosary, would
you fix us two martinis please?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Agent Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The agent of a beautiful actress discovered one day that the actress had
been selling her body for 100 dollars a night. The agent, who had long
lusted after her, hadn't dreamed that she had been so easily obtainable.
He approached her, told her how much she turned him on, and how much he
wanted to make it with her.
She agreed to spend the night with him but said that he would have to
pay her the same 100 dollars that the other customers did.
He scratched his head, considered it, and then asked, "Don't I even get
my agent's 10% as a deduction?"
"No, siree," she said. "If you want it, you're going to have to pay full
price for it just like the other Johns."
The agent didn't like that at all, but he agreed.
That night, she came to his apartment after her performance at a local
nightclub. The agent did her at midnight, after turning out all the
lights.
At 1 a.m., she was awakened again. And again, she was vigorously done.
In a little while, she was awakened again, and again she was made love
to again. The actress was impressed with her lover's vitality.
"My goodness," she whispered in the dark, "you are so virile. I never
realized how lucky I was to have you for my agent."
"I'm not your agent, lady," a strange voice answered. "He's at the door
selling tickets."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old geezer in the old folks home took a fancy to an old lady who is
also staying at the home. One day he gets UP enough courage to tell her
he wants to make love to her.
She agrees and suggests that when everyone else is gone for a day trip,
they will stay behind and get to it.
He goes to her room on the day and asks her how she likes it. She says,
"I used to like it when a man went down on me."
He says he would love to and goes for it. After about 30 seconds he
comes back up and says, "I'm sorry. I afraid I just can't go on. It
smells like s h i t down there."
She says, "It must be my arthritis."
He looks at her and says, "Surely you can't get arthritis down there.
And even if you could, it wouldn't cause that horrible smell."
She says, "No, my arthritis is in my shoulder and I can't wipe my a s
s!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this opt-in mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
| Reply via web post | Reply to sender | Reply to group | Start a New Topic | Messages in this topic (417) |
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
No comments:
Post a Comment