Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From the Archives, a true story from almost 110 years
ago.
If you think the Blond moment is a modern thing try this
one from the local paper back in the Spanish American War days.
Saturday November 26th 1898 Page 1
FORGOT HER NAME
N. J. Fezzey Was Thinking of Another and Wedding Didn't Occur
A funny incident transpired yesterday afternoon when N. J. Fezzey and
Miss Maude Golden appeared before Rev. William Johnson, who had been
requested to make them man and wife. The minister had been given the
names of the prospective bride and groom and just before the
performance of the ceremony was to begin Mr. Fezzey presented the
marriage license to the prelate. Rev. Johnson scanned the document
and on reaching the name and description of the young lady looked up
in a puzzled manner, and turning to Mr. Fezzey, informed him that a
mistake had evidently been made, as the lady's name as written was
not the one that had been previously given as that of the young lady
he was about to wed. The gentleman looked at the license and to his
deep embarrassment found the matter to be as represented by the
minister. The marriage ceremony was not performed. Mr. Fezzey hustled
back to the county clerk's office, where he had applied for the
license an hour before, and had the proper name and description
inserted. To the deputy county clerk the groom-to-be blushingly
stated that he was thinking of a young lady he met before the war at
the time he made the application, and was badly rattled any way.
After the error had been corrected Mr. Fezzey departed apparently in
a happy frame of mind.
But there is sequel to the contretemps. The proposed wedding, after
the mishap, was to have taken place last night. Up to a late hour,
however, the event had not been pulled off. Mr. Fezzey is either the
most absent-minded man that ever happened, or else a vision of the
before-the-war young lady has completely driven all thoughts of
wedded bliss with Miss Golden from his mind. Mr. Fessey made an
appointment to meet his loved one after supper, when they were to be
married. The young lady forlornly awaited the coming of the
bridegroom for several hours, but he did not make his appearance. The
recreant lover will probably meet with a warmer reception than he
bargained for when he shows up-if he does. Chances are that the
wedding will be summarily declared off, if Miss Golden continues in
the frame of mind she possessed last night.
The war they are referring to is the Spanish American
War. Hope you are enjoying the weekend... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Chest Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur
coat for their 25th anniversary.
"HA!" he snorted. "The day I buy you a fur
coat will be the day you can grow hair on your chest!"
On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties,
and thrust her pubic area forward.
"There! I have hair on my chest, now buy me the
damn coat!"
"That's not your chest!" he roars back.
"Damn right it's my chest!" she argued. "Before we
got married, this was your hope chest. On our
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it became our family chest....AND IF YOU DON'T
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Ben Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching
television when the phone rang.
"Hello?"
A girl's voice came over the line. "Can I speak to Ben, please?"
I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a
wrong number and I was bored.
"I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"
"Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded.
"I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."
Silence on the other end... a confused silence.
"Is this Steve?"
My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number.
"Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?"
"Well... he said he would be home tonight and asked me to
call him..." she said in a slightly irritated voice.
I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago,
and said that he would be back at 10:00."
A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!"
"The girl he went out with."
"I know that! I mean... who is she?"
"I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message
for
Ben?"
"Yes... please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home."
She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her
temper
flaring. "I sure will. Is this Jennifer?"
She exploded this time. "Who's Jennifer?"
Apparently she wasn't.
"Well... he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were
her.
Sorry... it was an honest mistake."
"Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him
and the she's very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon
as
he gets home."
I smiled and said, "Okay, I will... but Becky isn't going to like
this..."
*Click*
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Chicken Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One fine evening a man walked into a fast-food chicken place and
bought
a nine-piece bucket of chicken. He took his chicken to the park for a
romantic picnic under the moonlight with his lady.
Upon reaching into the bucket, however, he received a surprise.
Instead
of chicken he discovered what was apparently the restaurant's night
deposit-nine thousand dollars. The young man brought the bucket back
to
the store and asked for his chicken in exchange for the money. The
manager, in awe of the young man's honesty, asked for his name and
told
him he wanted to call the newspaper and the local news station to do a
story on him. He would become a local hero, an example of honesty and
morality that would inspire others!
The hungry man shrugged it off. "My date's waiting. I just want my
chicken."
The manager's renewed amazement over the young man's humility almost
overwhelmed him. He begged to be allowed to tell the story on the
news.
At this the honest man became angry with the manager and demanded his
chicken.
"I don't get it," the manager responded. "You are an honest man in a
dishonest world! This is a perfect opportunity to show the world that
there are honest people still willing to take a stand for what is
right.
Please, give me your name and also the woman's name. Is that your
wife?"
"That's the problem," said the young man. "My wife is at home. The
woman
in the car is my girlfriend. Now let me have my chicken so I can get
out
of here."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Caribbean Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A newly-wed couple wake up on the first morning of the their honeymoon
in the Caribbean and decide to take a stroll down the beach.
On their way they pass a shanty house, and sitting on the front porch
is
an overweight woman, stark naked, legs akimbo, eating a slice of
watermelon.
The husband sees this and liking the idea of his new wife exhibiting
her
body in public asks her whether she would do the same.
The wife looks at him in disgust and refuses.
The second morning they pass the shanty house again and, sure enough,
the overweight woman is sitting on the porch stark naked, legs akimbo,
eating another slice of watermelon.
Not being put off be his new wife's refusal, the husband enquires of
his
wife, "Why don't you go over and ask that woman what it feels like to
sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?"
The wife again refuses.
This continues each morning for two weeks until it is the last day of
the honeymoon. Each morning they would pass by the woman, each morning
the husband would try to persuade his new wife to copy her and each
morning the wife would refuse.
However, it being the last morning the husband gives it one more try
and
enquires of his wife, "Why don't you go over and ask that woman what
it
feels like to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?"
The wife finally gives in, opens the gate of the shanty house and
walks
up to the overweight woman on the front porch. "What does it feel like
to sit there naked, letting the air waft over your pussy?" she asks,
hesitantly.
"I don't rightly know, replies the woman, "but it sure keeps the flies
off of my watermelon."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Pun Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a hunter was walking through the woods and he spotted an
Indian
Chief being chased by a grizzly bear. So, the hunter pulled out his
trusty rifle and shot the bear, thus, saving the Indian Chief's
life.The
Chief invited the hunter back to his camp to throw him one heck of a
bash for saving his life. There was plenty of food. Indians were
dancing
all over the place with happiness. They were smoking the peace pipe
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the Indian Chief said to the hunter, "I have a very special surprise
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you. I've picked 500 of my prettiest Indian maidens. You look at all
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them and chose one, she will be your wife."With this the Indian Chief
clapped his hands and out of several teepees emerged young beautiful
Indian maidens. They walked in front of the hunter so he could get a
better view of them. The hunter noticed that all of the maidens were
topless. And with closer inspection, he noticed that none had any
nipples on their breasts.He turned to the Chief and asked why didn't
any
of his maidens have nipples on their breast. The Chief replied, "What?
Surely you've heard of the Indian Nipple-less 500!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Twice Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jill had been divorced for a few years and, very lonely, finally
consented to going out on a date with John, the gentleman her son
fixed her up with.
John picked her up and they went on a picnic in a very secluded
spot. John also had been divorced for a long time and found himself
very attracted to Jill, and despite her resistance at first to his
advances, he finally was able to make love to her.
Jill was mortified at her lack of self-control and sobbed, "I don't
know how I can face my son, knowing that in a time of weakness I
sinned twice!"
John said, "What do you mean 'twice'? We only did it once!"
Jill looked at John and said, "Well, you're going to do it again,
aren't you?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A girl married a quiet, humble man and after
one week, he came home rather flustered. "When
I got to work this morning, I found a pencil
tied to my willy."
"That's right," she said. "I thought if you
couldn't come, at least you could write."
The balcony of the execution chamber was full as
the old porn-movie-star turned murderer was led
to the electric chair. Wires were attached to his
head, chest and arms. To put the wires on the
legs, the executioner cut the man's pants at the
knees, and the head of his dick stuck out one of
the slits. The gallery of witnesses began to laugh hysterically.
The old man looked up with tears in his eyes and
screamed, "Laugh, you sons of bitches, but if you
were as scared as me, yours would shrink up, too!"
"Sir, your daughter says she loves me, and she can't live without me,
and she wants to marry me."
"And you're asking my permission to marry her?"
"No, I'm asking you to make her leave me the hell alone!!"
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Toon Chips
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why do women douche? Because they can't get their pussies to go
'Haaaaawwwwk . . . .THOO!'
------------
How are new girl friends like a fresh roll of toilet paper? Sometimes
it's hard to get the first piece, but after that you can rip one off
anytime.
------------
Excess is the part of breast that does not fit in your mouth and
surplus is the other breast.
------------
Description of a muff dive.
Starts out like butterfly sucking pollen and ends up like a bulldog
eating yoghurt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The very snobbish wife was discussing the subject of Christmas
presents with her maid.
"Now what about the butler?" the rich woman said.
"A set of wine glasses?" the maid suggested.
The woman frowned icily. "He doesn't really need that. A butler
never entertains. He'll get a tie."
The maid grimaced, but said only, "What about a dress for Jenny, the
serving girl?"
The woman frowned again. "She doesn't really need a new dress.
She'll only get in trouble. We'll get her another apron."
The conversation continued in the same vein, and the maid was chafing
at her employer's arrogance when they reached her husband. "I assume
you want to get him something he really needs, madam?" the maid asked.
"Of course," the woman replied.
"Then how about five more inches?"
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the end of the Finnish war, a young female reporter from a
British newspaper was sent to Finland to write an article about the
soldiers homecoming. She had interviewed half a dozen, when she met
Pekka on the street.
"Excuse me," she said, "were you in the war?"
"Yah, I was in the infantry."
"Would you mind answering a few questions for a newspaper article?"
"Nej, I wouldn't mind at all."
"When you came home, when the war was over, what was the first thing
you did?"
"I screwed my wife," Pekka said bluntly.
The journalist went crimson, and tried desperately to change the
subject.
"After that, I mean. What did you do after that?"
"I screwed her again," he answered.
The journalist turned an even darker shade of red. "Other than that!
Uh - what did you do when you were finished with all that?"
"Then I took off my skis, my heavy backpack and ate."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1146
The Parade
Ginger: Let's see what this button does.
Whirrr!
Ginger: Cool, the eyes open and close.
Tami: I really should caution you to stop.
Ginger: Nonsense. This lever with the red button looks interesting.
Whirrr!
Ginger: The head turns. Now for the lever next to the red button.
Wow, flame shoots right out of the mouth of the pioneer woman.
Tami: Shut that off right now. You might start a fire.
Ginger: Okay the fire is out. Next lever..
ROAR!!!!
Tami: Good grief a roaring, fire breathing, pioneer woman. This will
surely win a prize...
Ginger: I think it is pretty awesome.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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