Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Dinner at my sister's house yesterday was a true
treat with honey baked ham and turkey as the main
course. Before and after we watched the Lions and
Packers game on Nancy's plasma tv which only could
have been better if Detroit had won. Eva had a ball
with a crowd to charm and had the run of the house
until she shut herself in the bathroom and got
upset. After we got home we cooked our own 20 lb.
bird which is already sliced and deboned and ready
for leftovers. I love a simple turkey sandwich on
white bread with mayo and a dash of salt with a
thick slab of turkey, not this thin deli stuff.
Yesterday was November 22 and I generally remark
on the painful memories of the death of John F.
Kennedy 44 years ago. I want to do something a
little different this year as there was the tale
a few months back of the son of an FBI Agent
who claimed his dad had admitted to being involved
in the assassination. Personally I accepted the
Warren Commission report a long time ago that
Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone but I am curious
as to how you feel about the possibility of a
conspiracy and who do you think was behind it. You
send your thoughts to bbrabant@sault.
will put them in the scuttlebutt. I promise not
to laugh at any of your ideas unless you blame it
on reptilian aliens from Antares.
Hope you have the day off if not be careful as it
is Black Friday when the lust to spend turns normal,
decent, human beings into maniacs. If somebody
big wants that sale item you found it's not worth
it to fight. Pepper spray them and hit them with a
taser and run to the nearest check out.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Fish and Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy gets married and for the first year he never leaves his wife
alone. Every day, morning noon and night, he is at it
His wife is a little pissed off about this so she goes to her
mother and says, "Mom, he won't leave me alone, every day, 4-5 times
a day, he's like a rabbit."
Her mother tells her to go to the fishmongers and get a fish
and put it up her pussy.
That night the husband comes home and drags her upstairs, rips
of her clothes and proceeds to make love to her. On entry he screams
and pulls out. He is bleeding and covered in scratches, so for the
next year he does not even look at his wife.
She, beginning to feel a little randy after this long lay off,
again approaches her mother and asks for advice. Her mother tells
her to wait until he is in bed and then show him what he is
missing.
That night he is lying in bed and she strips and climbs onto
the bed. She then steps over him, but just as her ass is passing his
face, she farts.
The guy looks up and says, "Bark you bastard, but you won't
bite me again!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Shaking
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Santa
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Peeking
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Lift heavy things (Ladies are gonna love this one!)
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Look For The Baby
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My life more pleasant
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Handy Calendar Clock...
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Female Companionship
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Decorative Hardware
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Last Erection
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fred Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We recently moved to a new city and went to our first football game.
We arrived early and found our seats. Not long afterwards, a
neurotic, twitchy young fellow came in and sat just in front of us.
A short time later, we heard from far behind us someone yell "Hey
Fred!"
The nervous young man jumped up and scanned the crowd. Apparently
seeing no one he knew, he sat back down. A few moments later, we
heard some behind us yell "Hey Fred!" Again the young man jumped up
and scanned the crowd. Still seeing no one he knew, he uneasily sat
back down.
After several rounds of this, the man began mumbling to himself.
After each additional time, the mumbling became more frantic.
Finally, hearing again the call of "Hey Fred!" The man leapt to his
feet and screamed to the crowd,
"FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, YOU BASTARD, MY NAME'S NOT FRED!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parking Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
20 Parking Rules
For Dingbats
It's almost that time of the year again
the Holiday Shopping Season.
So, for the dingbats out there,
here's your list of parking rules.
For the non-dingbats, be aware
that the dingbats will be out in full-force,
and here are their rules:
Rule No. 1:
When waiting for a parking spot,
stop in the middle of the road,
don't signal, and orient your car
diagonally to prevent others
from passing.
Rule No. 2:
Always park on the lines, taking up
as many spots as possible.
Diagonal parking is preferred.
Rule No. 3:
In a crowded parking lot,
if you find a spot and have
the opportunity to pull through
to an adjacent one, drive up
halfway and stop on the line,
taking both.
Rule No. 4:
As you pull into a spot,
if you see that the space
ahead of you is empty
and you see another driver
signaling to take it, pull through
and take it from him.
Rule No. 5:
Always park close enough
to the adjacent car so that
the other driver must grease up
with Vaseline to squeeze into
his or her car.
Rule No. 6:
When getting out of your car,
hit the adjacent vehicle
with your door really hard.
Rule No. 7:
When driving through the parking lot,
ignore the painted lanes
and drive diagonally from one end
to another at a high rate of speed.
Rule No. 8:
When stopped in front of a store
and waiting for a friend/relative
to make a purchase, make sure
that you are stopped
in the middle of the road.
The same rule applies to
picking up and discharging passengers.
Rule No. 9:
When a vehicle from the opposite direction
is signaling and waiting for
a parking space, position your car
so that you are in his way
and let the car behind you take it.
Rule No. 10:
If you have handicapped license plates,
use up a regular parking spot.
Rule No. 11:
If you hit the adjacent car
with your door and leave a dent,
wait for a car, which is painted
the same color as yours,
to drive down the aisle
looking for a place to park.
Then back out, giving up your spot
like "Mr. Good Guy,"
and park somewhere else.
Rule No. 12:
If the vehicle in front of you
stops to let a pedestrian
cross or another vehicle turn,
pull into the lane of opposite traffic
and attempt to pass him.
Rule No. 13:
When exiting a shopping center
into a busy road,
exit through the narrow
"ENTER ONLY" driveway,
stick the nose of the car
into traffic, and wait.
Rule No. 14:
When driving through a parking lot
with alternating one- way aisles
and angled parking spots,
drive the wrong way.
Then when you see a parking space,
take 20 minutes to do
a 12-point turn to pull into it.
Rule No. 15:
Always leave your shopping cart
behind or tightly between
parked vehicles.
Rule No. 16:
Empty your ashtrays on the ground
in shopping center parking lots.
While you're at it,
dump out all the garbage too,
including that Wendy's or McDonald's bag
sitting in the back seat
from breakfast.
Rule No. 17:
If you are forced to change
an infant's diaper in a parking lot,
leave the soiled diaper
under the car next to you.
Rule No. 18:
When another vehicle is waiting
for you to pull out of a spot
in a crowded parking lot,
take your time.
Adjust the mirrors,
your seat, and the radio.
Roll down your window,
light a cigarette,
and eat your lunch.
Feel free to go through
your shopping bags and look
at what you just bought.
Rule No. 19:
When pulling into a parking spot,
if there is a shopping cart in the way,
lightly tap it with your bumper
and send it rolling into another car.
Then, when you step out,
if the cart is still too close,
push it down the parking lot aisle
and let it go.
While the cart is flying solo,
turn around and walk toward the stores.
Rule No. 20:
When walking back to your car
in a busy shopping center,
gesture to other drivers
waiting for a spot to make them think
that you are getting in the car and leaving.
Then walk between the cars
to the next aisle and do it again
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Horse Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was driving through west Texas one spring evening. The road was
deserted and he had not seen a soul for what seemed like hours.
Suddenly
his car started to cough and splutter and the engine slowly died away,
leaving him sitting on the side of the road in total silence.
He popped the hood and looked to see if there was anything that he
could
do to get it going again. Unfortunately, he had a limited knowledge of
cars, so all he could do was look at the engine, feeling despondent As
he stood looking at the gradually fading light of his flashlight, he
cursed that he had not put in new batteries, like he had promised
himself.
Suddenly, through the inky shadows, came a deep voice, "It's your fuel
pump." The man raised up quickly, striking his head on the underside
of
the hood. "Who said that?" he demanded. There were two horses standing
in the fenced field alongside the road and the man was amazed when the
nearest of the two horses repeated, "It's your fuel pump. Tap it with
your flashlight, and try it again." Confused, the man tapped the fuel
pump with his flashlight,turned the key and sure enough, the engine
roared to life. He muttered a short thanks to the horse and screeched
away. When he reached the next town, he ran into the local
bar. "Gimme a
large whiskey, please!" he said. A rancher sitting at the bar looked
at
the man's ashen face and asked, "What's wrong, man? You look like
you've
seen a ghost!" "It's unbelievable,
whole
tale to the rancher.
The rancher took a sip of his beer and looked thoughtful. "A horse,
you
say? Was it by any chance a white horse?"
The man replied to the affirmative. "Yes,it was! Am I crazy?"
"No, you ain't crazy. In fact, you're lucky," said the
rancher, "because
that black horse don't know shit about cars!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bee Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom shagging. All of
the
sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady
parted
her legs the bee entered her fanny. The woman started screaming, "Oh
my
god, help me, there's a bee up my minge. The husband immediately took
her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor
thought
for a moment and said, "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution
to
the problem if you would permit me, sir." The husband, being very
concerned, agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the
bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said, "Okay, what I'm gonna
do
is rub some honey over the top of my cock and push it up your wife.
When
I feel the bee I'll withdraw my cock and the bee should follow it out
of
your wife's fanny." The husband nodded and gave his approval. The
young
lady said, "Yes, yes, whatever, just get on with it!" So the doctor
covered the tip of his cock with honey and slipped it gently inside
young lady. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't
think
the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper."
So
the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began
shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to
quiver
with excitement. She began to moan and groan aloud. The doctor,
concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself. He then
put his hands on the young lady's tits and started making loud noises.
At this point the husband suddenly became very annoyed and
shouted, "Now
wait a minute! What the hell do you think you're doing?" The doctor,
still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the
bastard!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rosey had invited her younger sister, Nina, to leave her country home
and come to the city for a weekend to see how the urban half lived.
She
also arranged for a friend of hers named Bill to take Nina out for a
night on the town.
After a pleasant dinner and a show, Bill and Nina went to Bill's
apartment for a nightcap. They talked and listened to soft music for a
pleasant interlude; then Bill suggested they retire to the bedroom.
"Oh, no," Nina protested. "I don't think my sister would like
it."
"Nonsense," said Bill, as he gently took her arm. "She loves
it."
------------
The large fire department where I work sometimes runs out of the
official forms we use for inspecting equipment. Headquarters will
allow
us to create our own forms on the computer.
Once, after composing a replacement document, we sent copies to
other fire stations in need of them.
Afterward, we noticed that under the signature line, someone
has mistakenly typed "Singed."
------------
One Sunday morning when my son, David, was about 5, we were
attending a church in our community. It was common for the preacher to
invite the children to the front of the church and have a small lesson
before beginning the sermon. He would bring in an item they could find
around the house and relate it to a teaching from the Bible.
This particular morning, the visual aid for his lesson was a
smoke detector. He asked the children if anyone knew what it meant
when
an alarm sounded from the smoke detector.
My child immediately raised his hand and said, "It means Daddy's
cooking dinner."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Carolyn with/ Til The Storm Passes By
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LOVE IN THE HOME
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John w/ You're All I Want For Christmas
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SwordSister'
http://domania.
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Surfin Surfari
Spiral Tunnels
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USPS - The Official Change of Address Form
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TV Sounds
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Gray Water
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Anti-Rootkit
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Spyware Blaster
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Converting Records and Casettes to Digital
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Animal World
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Kitty Korner
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Movies
Help With The Keys
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Pocket Undies
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Wetback Mountain
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Microwave Man
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Google This
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam
stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're
running around with other women," she charged.
"You're being unreasonable,
woman on earth."
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened
by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. "What do you think
you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs," said Eve.
------------
The woman at the supermarket checkout was giving the clerk a
hard time. As her audience in the waiting line increased, she became
more abusive. Finally, the patient clerk came to a dog's flea collar.
The checker asked the customer if she was aware that the package
had been opened.
"Of course," the woman snapped. "I opened it. You can't expect
me to get it home and find out it's the wrong size."
A voice from the line spoke for all of us: "Wear it in good
health."
------------
You may want to grit your teeth before you read this. This is
really gruesome. When a mate was studying in Ireland, he played rugby.
As his first season wore on, the lads and him were eventually
scheduled
to play a team which had a reputation for violent play.
Considering that they weren't the most talented outfit to have
ever taken the field, they decided to accept the challenge with a "do
or
die" attitude, hoping things would eventually swing their way.
They didn't, and to make matters worse, their star player
dislocated his hip after a particularly ferocious tackle. He was
clearly in a lot of pain, so they all stood back to allow the medic
to,
in one swift movement, slot the hip back into its socket.
Then Alan began a long blood curdling scream. To their horror,
they realised that one of his testicles had also been jammed into the
socket and was now firmly held in the place by the hip.
(Incidentally, he also managed to rip a vocal chord with his
screaming.)
------------
Mom was getting swamped with calls from strangers.
The reason? A medical billing service had launched an 800 number that
was identical to hers. When she called to complain, she was told to
get
a new number.
"I've had mine for twenty years," she pleaded. "Couldn't you
change yours?"
The company refused. So Mom said, "Fine. From now on, I'm
going to tell everyone who calls that the bill is paid in full."
The company got a new number the next day
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wrong Card
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Sick Dog
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Suspect
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Do It Like A European
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Message In The Sky
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Stop smoking? We have the cure!
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Just use the proper bait....
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after dinner
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the lottery
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big tits
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Uh oh!
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Do It Like A European
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Message In The Sky
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limericks Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There's an oversexed lady named Whyte,
Who insists on a dozen a night.
A fellow named Cheddar,
Had the brashness to wed her...
His chance of survival is slight.
____________
A large airplane museum should bring
Lots of people because of one thing:
An addition they made.
Many bucks they'll be paid
Cause today they unveil a new wing.
(Kirk Miller)
____________
There was a young lady from Maine
Who declared she'd a man on the brain.
But you knew from the view
And the way her waist grew,
It was not on her mind that he'd lain.
When the rest of the months all did pass
And believe me, it seemed very fast
They took her to divide her
From the young'un inside her
Now SHE is a girl with a past!
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. How do we know men invented maps?
A. Who else would make an inch into a mile?
The problem with the designated driver program, is
it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked
into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the
night, drop them off at the wrong house. -- Jeff
Foxworthy
Helpful Hint #3
Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and
slip
a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.
The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize
it's a do-it-yourself thing.
Q. What do you call a monk who has had a sex-change
operation in order to become a nun?
A. A transsister.
Q: What's a Redneck's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the truck door.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it... so I said
"Implants?
"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can
write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
What do a fur trapper and a necrophiliac have in common???
They are both looking for dead beaver!!
Q. What's the definition of "virginity?"
A. A big issue over a little tissue.
Q. What do rednecks do for Halloween?
A. Pump kin
Q. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes
How do you know if a woman used a vibrator while she
was pregnant?
The kid stutters.
"You know you're getting fat when you pinch an inch on your forehead."
- John Mendoza
Which Is It?
What is it about the navy and submarines that women love so much? Is
it
the concept of a long, hard cylinder filled with seamen . . . or is it
the concept of going down for three months at a time? <Thanx
Rubin>
A new study says that having sex decreases your chances of getting a
cold. The more sex you have, the less you'll have a cold. Just wait
until guys get hold of this. A woman sneezes and he'll be
saying, "Hey,
I got something for that."
I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them
into one country and call it Irate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny was a triplet and on the first day of school the
teacher asked them their names. The first one said "my name is
Johnny, mam." The second one said "my name is Tommy, mam." Then the
third one spoke in a deep gruff voice and said "my name's Sam."
The teacher was quite surprised and she asked why his brothers were
so nice and polite and he was so rough and tough.
Sam replied... "my old lady only had two tits and I had to suck on
the old man."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1152
Reunion
Katie: Father I noticed most of mother's family sing very well.
BJ: Yes, most are of Celtic desent. They are going to sing some
Irish and Celtic songs.
Diana: First song will be Danny Boy.
Rudy comes in with his bagpipes and wearing his kilt.
Sandi: Oh no!!
The family starts to sing....
Rudy starts to play....Screech, wail,,scratch!
They politely make it through the first song.
Diana: We have decided to sing a polka song next.
Rudy: Great, I have worked all summer on polka bagpipes.
BJ: Groan!
Wail,,,Sounds of fingernails on a blackboard..
later...
Diana: I think we will go for singing in sign language.
Rudy: Does that mean I cannot play?
Diana: Right.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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