Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
John wrote this morning:
The slogan on Michigan plates used to be "Water Winter Wonderland".
Now it should be "Winter - Will It Ever End?"
buffalo says With snow up to my tail it hard for my thoughts to turn to
spring and I know this Arctic Blast has many of you feeling the same way
even down to the South. One of the herd had asked if I would share a couple
of his poems which should help turn your thoughts back to spring and a time
of love.
I Have Loved You,
Since I First Knew Of The Meaning Of The Word..
Since The First Time
My Heart Spoke Freely
I Have Loved You..
From Your First Smile.
Feeling Like Sunshine On My Face.
My Heart Has Lived But For You
Since First I Saw Myself In Your Eyes
And Knew It Was There That I Truly Am Alive.
My Heart Beats Now,
For The Both Of Us.
And For No Other Reason...
I Draw My Next Breath.
I Have Loved You
Since I First Heard The Word
Spoken Freely By
My Heart.
REW /98
IN MY HEART.
YOU REST SO EASILY..
YOUR BREATH IN GENTLENESS..
FILLS ME.
IN MY THOUGHTS..
YOU NEVER LEAVE,
A PART ME.
AS QUIET AS A DREAM.
I BREATHE..
SO AS TO KNOW YOUR FRAGRANCE
YOUR TASTE
FOREVER ON MY LIPS
AS IS YOUR PASSION
MY HEART.
BEATS IN RHYTHM WITH YOUR LAUGHTER
A SMILE AT A TIME
RISING AND FALLING
WITH YOUR MOOD.
YOUR SKIN.
BOTH WARM AND COOL,
TO MY TOUCH,
SOFT.
AS MY THOUGHTS OF YOU.
FINGERTIPS,
LIKE MESSENGERS
WITH WORD OF MY LOVE
REW
5-22-99
ROGER
Take care everyone and enjoy Easter. buffalo
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Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second
fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he
usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him.
Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy
says, "Say, we're about evenly matched, how about we play for five
bucks a hole?"
The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn't like to
bet but agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy wins the rest of
the holes and as they're walking off of the eighteenth hole, and
while counting his $80.00, he confesses that he's the pro at a
neighboring course and likes to pick on suckers.
The first fellow reveals that he's the Parish Priest at the local
Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and
apologetic and offers to give the Priest back his money. The Priest
says, "No, no. You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with
you. You keep your winnings."
The pro says, "Well, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The Priest says, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a
donation. Then, if you bring your mother and father by after Mass,
I'll marry them for you."
Nick
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Unused Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making
love to a very attractive young woman. And was somewhat upset. "You are
a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -- a
faithful wife, the mother of your children...I'
divorce straight away!"
And the husband replied "Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can
tell you what happened." "Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, "but they'll be
the last words you'll say to me!"
And the husband began..."Well, I was getting into the car to drive home
and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out
and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I
noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.
She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion,
I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last
night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on
weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was
doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw
them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans
that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they
are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which
you don't use because I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't
use, just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the
expensive boutique and don't use, because someone at work has a pair the
same."
The husbad took a quick breath and continued... "She was so grateful for
my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to
me with tears in her eyes and said," Please ... do you have anything
else that your wife doesn't use?"
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Viagra Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Viagra has been a big boon to 'stand up' comedians. Did you
hear about the first death from an overdose of Viagra? A man
took twelve pills and his wife died.
A man at the pharmacy to pick up his Viagra prescription
exclaimed over the $10/pill price. His wife, who was with
him, had a different opinion: "Oh, $40 a year isn't too bad."
...Then there was the man who got his Viagra tablet stuck
in his throat and suffered from a stiff neck.
Have you tried the new hot beverage, Viagraccino? One cup
and you're up all night.
How many doses of Viagra does it take to change a light
bulb? One little tablet, and it's a whole new bulb.
A guy named Dave emailed us that he left his Viagra
tablet in his shirt pocket when he sent it to the laundry.
Now, his shirt is too stiff to wear.
Viagra is now being compared to Disneyland, a one hour
wait for a 2-minute ride.
Rumor has it that when a truck carrying a load of Viagra
slid off into the Ohio River, all the lift bridges
suddenly went up.
New plans are being made to raise the Titanic. Experts
plan to pump it full of Viagra, and expect it to raise
right up.
For years the medical professional'
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The difference between Niagara and Viagra? Niagara Falls.
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Lent Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
As an ultimate test of his will power, a man
decided to give up sex for Lent. Although not
thrilled with the idea, his wife agreed to
support him in this effort. The first few weeks
weren't too difficult.
Things got tougher during the next couple of
weeks, so the wife wore her dowdiest night
clothes and chewed on garlic before going
to bed.
The last couple of weeks were extremely tough
on the husband, so the wife took to locking the
bedroom door and forcing the husband to sleep
on the couch.
Easter morning finally came. A knock came
on the wife's bedroom door.
"KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!!" Husband:
"Guess who?"
Wife: "I know who it is!"
Husband:"Guess what I want?"
Wife: "I know what you want!"
Husband: "Guess what I'm knockin' with?"
************
A young man had decided to forego sexual relations for Lent but
neglected to tell his new bride.
As she cuddled up to him with romantic intentions he politely told her no.
She asked him why.
Because it's Lent he replied.
With a tear in her eye she said, That's silly, to whom and for how long?
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway)
Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains
for centuries have a use by date?
Bosses are like legs.
When they get to the top, they become asses.
"According to a new survey, 1 out of 3 men would not go to a doctor if
they had chest pains. With women, it's different. When women have chest
pains, 2 out of 3 men pretend to be doctors."
- Jay Leno
"My neighbor has a circular driveway... He can't get out"
- Steven Wright
Men ! First they sweep you off your feet - then they
hand you the broom !
When your wife asks, "Do I look fat?"
The correct response is, "Do I look stupid?"
Did ya hear about that new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
It's called, Sosumi.
Huh?
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a
banana.
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
We need laws that protect everyone. Men and women, straights and gays,
regardless of sexual perversion..
- Bella Abzug, New York politician
(addressing a rally for the Equal Rights Amendment
Why do we say Bye Bye...but not Hi Hi?
Q: What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
A: Cough, gag, choke, etc.
Q: What did One gay sperm say to another?
A: How do we find an egg in all of this shit?
Q. Why was the nearsighted fly starving?
A. He couldn't see shit.
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black
men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
-- Tiger Woods
If you jog in a jogging suit, lounge in lounging pajamas, and smoke in
a smoking jacket, WHY would anyone want to wear a windbreaker?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Scottish Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Scottish old timer in Scotland, in a bar, talking to a
young man.
Old Man:
"Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence?
Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone
with me own two hands, piled it for months. But do they call
me McGregor-the-
Then the old man gestured at the bar.
"Look here at the bar. Do ya see how smooth and just it is?
I planed that surface down by me own achin' back. I carved
that wood with me own hard labor, for eight days. But do
they call me McGregor-the-
Nooo..."
Then the old man points out the window.
"Eh, Laddy, look out to sea. Do ya see that pier that
stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier
with the sweat off me back. I nailed it board by board. But
do they call me McGregor-the-
Then the old man looks around nervously, trying to make
sure no one is paying attention.
"But ya fuck one sheep . . . "
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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Subscribers and Friends
Christ's Walk Via Juanita
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Twas The Day before Easter
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EGGstra Special
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Lourie and Sonya w/Easter Lamb
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Darren's Script Archive
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Script Archives~Monlogues
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blonde Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear about the blonde that...
....Lost her boyfriend because she forgot where she laid him.
....Thought that asphalt was rectum trouble.
....Was called tapioca because she could be made in a minute.
....Thought her typewriter was pregnant because it missed a period.
....Thought that "no kidding" meant some form of birth control.
....Thought that peter pan was something for under the bed.
....Thought that "Moby Dick" was a venereal disease.
....Thought that a sanitary belt was a drink from clean shot glass.
....Smelled good only on the right side because she couldn't find the
left
guard.
....Wore union pants because her best friend was having labor pains.
....Studied 5 days for a urine test.
....Thought KOTEX was a radio station in Texas.
....Thought fetus was a character from "Gunsmoke".
....Thought a mushroom was a place to kiss.
....Was in the Indy 500 and had 7 pit stops, 1 for gas and 6 for
directions.
....Put 75 holes in her face?...she was learning to eat with a fork.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a man from Calcutta,
who liked to beat off in the gutter,
the heat of the street
melted his meat
and turned his cream into butter.
____________
A young schizophrenic named Struther,
When told of the death of his mother,
Said "Yes, it's too bad
"but I don't feel so sad,
"I'm lucky I still have each other."
____________
There once was a man from Brighton
Who said to his girl, you're a tight 'n
She cried 'pon my soul
You're in the wrong hole
There's plenty of room in the right one.
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as former
President Clinton appeared on the television. After a few sips, he
looked up at the television and mumbled:
"Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen."
A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him,
and decked him. A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer,
Hillary Clinton appeared on the television.
"She's a horse's ass too."
This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up,
walked over to him, and knocked him off his stool.
"Damn it!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar.
"This must be Clinton country!"
"Nope," the bartender replied. "Horse country!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The doctor at the local health clinic was admonishing the female
Kentuckian patient. "Until the antibiotics clean out your infection,
you are *not* to have any relations whatsoever!"
Pausing for a moment, the young woman patient replied, "Okay fer
that 'un Doc, but what about friends 'n neighbours?"
Jill was telling Mary about her first junket to Atlantic City and
how hard it was to get any sleep. "I was awakened at one, two
and four in the morning by a drunken blackjack dealer banging
on the door and screaming," she recalled.
"That's terrible," Mary said." How'd you ever get any sleep?"
"At five o'clock I finally unlocked the door and let him out," Jill
laughed.
Little 4 year old Melanie rushed into the kitchen, where her mother
was
preparing lunch. Melanie was all excited, tugged on her mother's
skirt, and looking
up, says: "Mommie, can a 4 year old girl have a baby??. The mother
looks at the
small child, and tells her: "Of course not, honey". She then turns
back to the stove,
and hears the screen door slam, her daughter running across the porch,
loudly
exclaming, "O.K. boys, same game......
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 942
Trying to Bridge the Gulf
Katie: Okay I have a question for you Rudy.
Rudy: Ask away sis.
Katie: How come you and father like all those action
movies where there are car crashes, guns and explosions.
Rudy: They are cool sis. How come you and mom like
those wimpy movies where you have to cry all the time.
Pops and I like to be entertained. Sometimes we watch
a mushy movie.
Katie: When?
Rudy: The other day we watched John Wayne get shot in
True Grit, made us sniffle.
Katie: Yeah, but he already killed sixteen million bad guys.
Rudy smiling: Yeah he did didn't he.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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