Plants gone potty!

Bvxxx, You have a new message from chriscoyne

2012-01-27T15:28:00.001-08:00

New message from chriscoyne

chriscoyne says:

Hey Bvxxx, Quick question: have you been happy with your experience on OkCupid? I ask because I... (read more)

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Changes to Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service

2012-01-27T05:55:00.001-08:00

		Is this email not displaying properly? View it in your browser.
Dear Google user, We're getting rid of over 60 different privacy policies across Google and replacing them with one that's a lot shorter and easier to read. Our new policy covers multiple products and features, reflecting our desire to create one beautifully simple and intuitive experience across Google. We believe this stuff matters, so please take a few minutes to read our updated Privacy Policy and Terms of Service at http://www.google.com/policies. These changes will take effect on March 1, 2012.
One policy, one Google experience

Easy to work across Google Our new policy reflects a single product experience that does what you need, when you want it to. Whether you're reading an email that reminds you to schedule a family get-together or finding a favorite video that you want to share, we want to ensure you can move across Gmail, Calendar, Search, YouTube, or whatever your life calls for with ease.	Tailored for you If you're signed into Google, we can do things like suggest search queries – or tailor your search results – based on the interests you've expressed in Google+, Gmail, and YouTube. We'll better understand which version of Pink or Jaguar you're searching for and get you those results faster.	Easy to share and collaborate When you post or create a document online, you often want others to see and contribute. By remembering the contact information of the people you want to share with, we make it easy for you to share in any Google product or service with minimal clicks and errors.

Protecting your privacy hasn't changed Our goal is to provide you with as much transparency and choice as possible, through products like Google Dashboard and Ads Preferences Manager, alongside other tools. Our privacy principles remain unchanged. And we'll never sell your personal information or share it without your permission (other than rare circumstances like valid legal requests).	Got questions? We've got answers. Visit our FAQ at http://www.google.com/policies/faq to read more about the changes. (We figured our users might have a question or twenty-two.)

Notice of Change March 1, 2012 is when the new Privacy Policy and Terms will come into effect. If you choose to keep using Google once the change occurs, you will be doing so under the new Privacy Policy and Terms of Service. Please do not reply to this email. Mail sent to this address cannot be answered. Also, never enter your Google Account password after following a link in an email or chat to an untrusted site. Instead, go directly to the site, such as mail.google.com or www.google.com/accounts. Google will never email you to ask for your password or other sensitive information.

Bvxxx, You have a new message from cuteboy222010

2012-01-26T11:48:00.001-08:00

New message from cuteboy222010

cuteboy222010 says:

hi (read more)

OkCupid © 2012 Humor Rainbow, Inc. 589 8th Ave Floor 11, New York, NY 10018
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Bvxxx, we have great news!

2012-01-26T10:44:00.001-08:00

We have great news!

About you, Bvxxx:

Your personality:	Really great
How bad guys want you:	So bad
Your profile, as of 8 milliseconds ago:	Approved!

Check out our matching system. It's a no pressure, massive game of question and answer with millions of people at once. The more you answer, the better your matches will be!

OkCupid © 2012 Humor Rainbow, Inc. 589 8th Ave Floor 11, New York, NY 10018
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Bvxxx, You have a new message from wittyone123

2012-01-26T03:43:00.001-08:00

New message from wittyone123

wittyone123 says:

Heyyy (read more)

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Bvxxx, You have a new message from deven_kolaveri

2012-01-26T02:36:00.001-08:00

New message from deven_kolaveri

deven_kolaveri says:

Hmm your husband knows this nasty stuff of yours ? :P (read more)

OkCupid © 2012 Humor Rainbow, Inc. 589 8th Ave Floor 11, New York, NY 10018
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Bvxxx, You have a new message from Delhi_travel

2012-01-26T02:31:00.001-08:00

New message from Delhi_travel

Delhi_travel says:

Hi.. (read more)

OkCupid © 2012 Humor Rainbow, Inc. 589 8th Ave Floor 11, New York, NY 10018
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Bvxxx, You have a new message from unlimited99

2012-01-26T02:28:00.001-08:00

New message from unlimited99

unlimited99 says:

Hi. May i know you? (read more)

OkCupid © 2012 Humor Rainbow, Inc. 589 8th Ave Floor 11, New York, NY 10018
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Bvxxx, You have a new message from yashrajchagaye

2012-01-26T02:08:00.001-08:00

New message from yashrajchagaye

yashrajchagaye says:

hellooooo (read more)

OkCupid © 2012 Humor Rainbow, Inc. 589 8th Ave Floor 11, New York, NY 10018
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Bvxxx, You have a new message from vivekT20

2012-01-26T01:43:00.001-08:00

New message from vivekT20

vivekT20 says:

hi (read more)

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Bvxxx, You have a new message from TheLeo4u

2012-01-26T01:16:00.001-08:00

New message from TheLeo4u

TheLeo4u says:

What about catching up over a cup of coffee on a lazy holiday like today? May be in khan market?... (read more)

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Bvxxx, You have a new message from sandysingh4u

2012-01-26T01:11:00.001-08:00

New message from sandysingh4u

sandysingh4u says:

hiiiiiiiiiiii XXX upps sorry dont know ur namee lol how r u ??? sandy here would u like 2 chat... (read more)

OkCupid © 2012 Humor Rainbow, Inc. 589 8th Ave Floor 11, New York, NY 10018
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Bvxxx, You have a new message from TheLeo4u

2012-01-25T11:47:00.001-08:00

New message from TheLeo4u

TheLeo4u says:

Hi! If you are online now, wanna have a chat? :-) (read more)

OkCupid © 2012 Humor Rainbow, Inc. 589 8th Ave Floor 11, New York, NY 10018
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Bvxxx, You have a new message from gallantknite

2012-01-25T11:40:00.001-08:00

New message from gallantknite

gallantknite says:

Hi there! how you doing? i saw that we are 0 % enemies.... ..so i thought id say Hi! :) (read more)

OkCupid © 2012 Humor Rainbow, Inc. 589 8th Ave Floor 11, New York, NY 10018
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Funzine - Adult Cartoons for January 25, 2012

2012-01-25T00:24:00.000-08:00

As many of you noticed, I am slowing down a bit this year. I am not

going to freak out if I don’t get some issues done. If you are missing your

Funzines don’t forget that I have a couple of groups that members post.

Go to my home page http://funzines.net and check them out!

Donate either by PayPal, gift certificate, or my home addy.

http://funzines.net/donations.htm

****

Big thank you to the most recent donors:

Ray (with cookies)

Bruce

James

Jack

****

For Fun and Games:

http://www.sextoyfun.com/dyanlyn

http://www.funzines.net/adultsonly.htm

************

http://funzines.net/amazon.htm

************

Check this out...........I have gotten some good stuff here.

http://funzines.net/dealoftheday.htm

************

Thank you,

Dyan

Funzines - Clean Cartoons for January 25, 2012

2012-01-24T23:17:00.001-08:00

As many of you noticed, I am slowing down a bit this year. I am not

going to freak out if I don’t get some issues done. If you are missing your

Funzines don’t forget that I have a couple of groups that members post.

Go to my home page http://funzines.net and check them out!

Donate either by PayPal, gift certificate, or my home addy.

http://funzines.net/donations.htm

****

Big thank you to the most recent donors:

Ray (with cookies)

Bruce

James

Jack

****

For Fun and Games:

http://www.sextoyfun.com/dyanlyn

http://www.funzines.net/adultsonly.htm

************

http://funzines.net/amazon.htm

************

Check this out...........I have gotten some good stuff here.

http://funzines.net/dealoftheday.htm

************

Thank you,

Dyan

Bvxxx, You have a new message from TheLeo4u

2012-01-24T20:35:00.001-08:00

New message from TheLeo4u

TheLeo4u says:

Dear Bvxxx, I am an eternal optimist. Therefore, though the profile match percentages are not... (read more)

OkCupid © 2012 Humor Rainbow, Inc. 589 8th Ave Floor 11, New York, NY 10018
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Bvxxx, Someone chose you!

2012-01-24T20:20:00.001-08:00

Bvxxx, Someone chose you!

TheLeo4u
41 / Male / Straight / Single
New Delhi, India

He's totally into you! Go send him a message. You got this email because he rated you 4 or 5 stars.

OkCupid © 2012 Humor Rainbow, Inc. 589 8th Ave Floor 11, New York, NY 10018
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Bvxxx, You have a new message from timepass0510

2012-01-24T11:15:00.001-08:00

New message from timepass0510

timepass0510 says:

helloo....Bvxxx..how are you? whats ur name? Kiran here tc...cheers!!!! (read more)

OkCupid © 2012 Humor Rainbow, Inc. 589 8th Ave Floor 11, New York, NY 10018
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Bvxxx, You have a new message from EnggBoy

2012-01-24T11:02:00.001-08:00

New message from EnggBoy

EnggBoy says:

hello...if u don't mind...can we share the talks (read more)

OkCupid © 2012 Humor Rainbow, Inc. 589 8th Ave Floor 11, New York, NY 10018
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Bvxxx, Welcome to OkCupid!

2012-01-24T10:43:00.001-08:00

Welcome to OkCupid!

Hi Bvxxx,

Welcome to the best dating site on Earth! We know you're anxious to start using the site and checking out our millions of active users.

Our matching system is the best in business, and you can easily train it to find the best matches for you. You'll quickly find people who share your interests. And best of all, they're here to meet people like you. Start messaging, and meet someone new!

OkCupid © 2012 Humor Rainbow, Inc. 589 8th Ave Floor 11, New York, NY 10018
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[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

2012-01-23T23:24:00.000-08:00

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!

A fool shows his annoyance at once,
but a prudent man overlooks an insult

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
It was the coldest winter ever.
Many animals died because of the cold.
The porcupines, realizing the situation,
decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and
Protected themselves; but the quills of
each one wounded their closest companions.
After a while, they decided to distance themselves one from the other
and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they
had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their
Companions or disappear from the Earth.
Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with
the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions
in order to receive the heat that came from the
others. This way they were able to survive.
The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but
when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others
and can admire the other person's good qualities.
The moral of the story is:
Just learn to live with the Pricks in your life!

We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman

______________________

THE COMICS

a fourth one?
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a006.html

drip dry
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a007.html

girl scout cookies
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a008.html

Bob, where are you
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a009.html

gullible
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a010.html
__________________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

Celtic Thunder
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1467.html

Ignited Digital Choir
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1466.html
___________________

Bob feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he
thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach
her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could
perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from
her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.
If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the
den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.'
Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
No response.
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife
and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his
wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's
for dinner?'
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'
'For God's sake, Bob, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'
__________________

Schwartz and Feldman, partners in the garment industry, had
just suffered through their worst season ever. Eight
thousand madras sports coats were hanging on the rack
unsold, and bankruptcy was looming closer each day.
Out of the blue, in walked a buyer from Australia. "I say
there," he began, "you boys wouldn't happen to have any
madras sports coats, would you? I've been looking for them
everywhere."
Schwartz said there MIGHT be a few left, and soon a deal
was made whereby the eight thousand jackets would be
shipped to Australia at a handsome profit.
"There is one thing though," said the Australian buyer. "For
an order this large, I'll have to get a confirmation from my
home office. I don't anticipate any problem, and unless I
send you a telegram by this Friday, the deal goes through as
planned."
Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday passed slowly, with the
partners nervously waiting to see if the Australian would
change his mind. Friday morning went by without incident.
Schwartz and Feldman were closing up shop when, at five
minutes to five, there was a knock on the door: .....
"Telegram!"
The partners froze. Trembling, Feldman grabbed the telegram
and opened it. Suddenly, his face lit up. "Schwartz,
GREAT NEWS! Your brother died!"
_________________

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

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__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

2012-01-23T04:28:00.001-08:00

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!

Rain last night and this morning.
Fortunately it is almost 50 degrees
So it would have been pretty greasy
out there if the temps were lower.
It has managed to melt what little snow
we had on the ground. And in general
it has turned every thing to mud.
HAPPY MONDY!
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
CORDIALLY
Martin aka the postman

_________________

THE COMICS

valentine card
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a001.html

musical chairs
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a002.html

regrets
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a003.html

blow jobs and hair driers
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a004.html

the secret
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/a005.html

___________________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

What a wonderful day
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1463.html

lady sitters
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1464.html

love the taste
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1465.html

Three men are walking down the street. One is from California,
one is from New York, and the last is from St. Louis.
A good looking woman walks by ... the man from California states "She's about an 8."
The man from New York states "No, no ... she's a 6."
The man from St. Louis says "Hell no, she's a 1."
The two men look at the guy from St. Louis and turn to each other
and say, "Well, she was not that good looking."
All three continue walking down the strip. As chance happens
another woman walks by. She is more beautiful than the first.
The man from California exclaims "9"
The man from New York cries "8.5"
The man from St. Louis says "2"
The man from California and New York State, "I guess it takes all types."
Finally an extremely beautiful woman crosses their line of sight.
The man from California and New York simultaneously state "10"
The man from St. Louis states loudly, "3.5"
The man from New York asks the man from St. Louis, "What the hell
is wrong with you?" "Are you gay?" "She was beautiful!"
The man from St. Louis turns to him and says, "I'm using the Budweiser method."
The man from California asks "What is that?"
The man from St. Louis responds "The Budweiser method is to see how many
Clydesdales (horses) it would take to pull her off my face."

__________________

Once, a man from San Francisco died and went up to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter was waiting for him.
After reviewing the man's records Saint Peter said, "I see here
that you are a homosexual."
"That's correct" said the man "Is that a problem?"
"Well, It's kind of frowned upon up here but as I see you've led
an otherwise exemplary life I've decided to let you in. Follow
me," he said, opening the gate.
After a short walk, Saint Peter's keys accidentally fell on the
ground. He bent over to pick up the keys.
The gay man took one look and just couldn't resist, so he jumped
on St. Peter and did his thing.
Saint Peter was furious. "If you ever do that again, you'll go
straight to hell!" he yelled.
A few days later another guy from San Francisco arrived at the
Pearly Gates. St Peter reviewed his records and found that
he was also gay but, as before, he decided to give him a break and let him in.
"Follow me," he said.
They passed through the gates and once again St. Peter fumbled his
keys and they dropped on the ground. The gay man, unable to control himself, jumped on him and pumped away.
Saint Peter was even more furious than before, "If you ever do
that again, you'll go straight to hell!" he yelled
A week later a third guy from San Francisco arrives in heaven.
Once again St. Peter checks the records and once again he finds that
the guy is Gay. "Follow me," he says and they head off down the path.
Suddenly St. Peter spins around with a look of panic on his face, his hands flying up and down his robes.
"What's the matter?" asks the guy.
"I can't find my keys!!" cries St. Peter
________________________

Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old buddy Johnny,
"How come you aren't married?"
Johnny: "I haven't found the right woman yet."
George: "So what are you looking for?"
Johnny: "Oh she's got to be real pretty, - a good cook and
house-keeper, and she's got to know how to handle money, a
really nice and pleasant personality is a must - and money,
she's got to have money...and a home, a nice big house, is
what she has to have."
George: "A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU."
Johnny: "Oh, it's okay if she is crazy.
____________

That's all folks
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

2012-01-21T22:35:00.000-08:00

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

We hang the petty thieves and appoint
the great ones to public office.
~Aesop
_________

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Remarkable. So Newt won in South C.?
The Republican race for nomination against Barack O.
is turning out to be a slug fest. I wonder tho, as many
conservatives...do any of them have the ability to
defeat him? Perhaps it is possible, could the fight
for the candidacy so splinter the GOP that there may
not be any energy left to expend for the actual
race itself? For myself, I am not all that happy with
any of them as a choice for leadership. But at this
point, doesn't seem like that is much on the minds of
anybody right now. All anybody is talking about is who
is the best suited to defeat the opposition.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman

THE COMICS

in the bathroom
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z036.html

frostbite
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z037.html

stop worrying
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z038.html

Agnes...
http://thepostmanscorner.net/z039.html

wait in the other room
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z040.html

_______________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

pool shot
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1460.html

This Is Why You Shouldn't Eat Happy Meals --
Six Months of a Happy Meal's Eternal Life
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1461.html

This cop does his job
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1462.html
______________________

A travelling salesman on business in West Virginia met a young lady
in a bar, and invited her to his room. As she was disrobing, he said,
"Say, how old are you?" "Thirteen." she said. "Thirteen?! My God! You're
a child! Put your clothes back on right now and get out of here!" On her
way out the door, the confused nymphet paused, turned to him, and said,
"You're superstitious, right?"
________________

The newlywed wife wakes up her husband and says," Breakfast is ready.
You need to eat something before going outdoors to work on the barn."
He says, "All I want to eat is you."
And he does.
She throws away his breakfast.
He come in at noontime and she says,
"I fixed you a nice lunch to eat, since you didn't have breakfast."
He says, "All I want to eat is you."
And he does.
She throws away his lunch.
When he comes in late in the evening he finds his wife is naked
and sliding down the bannister, running back up the stairs, and sliding down again.
In total bewilderment he ask what she is doing.
She says, "There was breakfast. There was lunch. Now, I'm just warming up your dinner."

_________________

What's more profitable, a one-story whorehouse or a two-story whorehouse?
A one-story whorehouse, because there's no fuckin' overhead.

What is the difference between love and Herpes?
Herpes lasts forever.

What do blonde's like so much about tilt steering wheels in cars?
More head room.

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

2012-01-20T23:39:00.000-08:00

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry,
show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.

______________________

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS

So, you made it to the weekend, finally. eh?
kicking back, watch a couple of dvds, hit back
a beer or two. what else is new and exciting in your
life? Not sure of that, But I can tell you what is old...
This weekend marks the 40th anniversary of Roe vs Wade.
It also happens to be the day that Jimmy Carter pardoned
all the Viet Nam draft dodgers.

We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
______________

THE COMICS

photography
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z031.html

you
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z032.html

electrical outtage
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z033.html

cutting back
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z034.html

at the beach
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z035.html

_____________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

Budweiser Donkey
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1456.html

Sexy Bikini Nun
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1457.html

GIRL ON TRACKS
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1458.html

Wife: Look at that Drunkard!
Hubby: Who is he?
Wife: 10 years back he proposed me & I Rejected.
Hubby: Oh My God, He is still Celebrating... Wow...
_________________

A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans.
Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked
by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different..again.
Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an Obama fan."
The teacher asked, "Why aren't you a fan of Obama?"
Johnny said, "Because I'm a Republican."
The teacher asked him why he's a Republican.
Little Johnny answered, "Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's
a Republican, so I'm a Republican."Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked,
"If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, "That would make me an Obama fan."
_______________

Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a
memento of some sort inside.
"Yes," says Sally, "a lock of my husband's hair."
"But Larry's still alive."
"I know, but his hair is gone."
_______________

Q. Did you hear about the GM mechanic that had a sex change operation?
A. He ended up changing his name to 'Ms. Goodwench'.
______________

Two guys are talking about their respective married bliss.
First guy: "My wife and always sort out our differences in a calm and
mutually agreeable manner."
Second guy: "My wife and I have arguments often, but always patch
things up - like my broken nose, my broken arm..."
______________

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

2012-01-19T22:29:00.001-08:00

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

Instead of worrying about the worst that could happen,
Allow yourself to hope for the best that can happen.

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
A good friendship is like a flower garden. It needs attention and care. We
start by preparing the soil and then planting our tiny seeds. Our
friendships have foundations like the soil, and in them we plant seeds of
trust and understanding.

Like a garden, friendships need care and love in order to thrive. We nourish
friendships with visits, thoughtful favors, and trust. When we are feeling
down or in need of help, a friendship can offer us more than just beauty.

When we work at our friendships, they are not seasonal but bloom in any
weather, and they surround us with comfort and the knowledge that we have,
and deserve, love.

We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
____________

THE COMICS

artificial
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z026.html

at the alter
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z027.html

at a bar somewhere....
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z028.html

an appointment
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z029.html

raw
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z030.html
_______________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

The Many D'ohs of Homer Simpson
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1454.html

Very Funny Fart in Gym
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1455.html

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia.
The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely
nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him:
"Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just
have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you."
"I know" said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."
______________

Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat,
watching the front door of the brothel over the road.
The local Methodist pastor appears, and quickly goes inside.
"Would you look at that!" says the first Irishman.
"Didn't I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are?"
No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi
appears at the door, Knocks, and goes inside.
"Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and Stupid hats!"
They continue drinking their beer roundly condemning the vicar
and the rabbi when they see their own Catholic priest knock on the door.
"Ah, now that's sad" says the third Irishman, "One of the girls must have died."
_______________

When Obama died, George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped
him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the Nation I helped conceive?"
Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to
end our liberties but you failed."James Madison followed, kicked him hard and said,
"This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!"
Thomas Jefferson was next. He beat Obama with a long cane and snarled,
"It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence."
The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe and 66
other early Americans unleashed their anger on the radical, socialist leader.
As Obama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Obama wept and said,
"This is not what you promised me."The Angel replied, "I told you there would be
72 VIRGINIANS waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said? You really
need to listen when someone is trying to tell you something!"
______________

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

2012-01-19T04:17:00.000-08:00

The Postman's Corner

The passage of time is simply an illusion created by our brains.
Julian Barbour

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
We asked this question yesterday...
"So, what would YOU do if YOU won the lottery?"
These are some of your responses

if I won the lottery
I think that I would go places and take my love with me and
see some of the world the good lord has created.
Charles
________________

if I WON the lottery...
Well, I have a list of friends and relatives, and if the payoff is
large enough, I am giving each a million dollars to each
Good luck,
Joe
____________

if I won the lottery
for some obscene amount of money, I would first of all go into hiding
because I am sure that all sorts of unknown kinfolk would just pop up from everywhere.
Buying a company is a great idea! God knows we need jobs. It is kind of difficult to imagine
what to make that you wouldn't get undercut on though. I would buy a farm and get folks to
respect where our food comes from. The Chinese like pork and cigarettes so I would invest
a great deal of money in Phillip Morris and Smithfield. Not only would this help our trade
deficit. A lot of those Chinese doctors could go back home to help their people with the
side effects of our American way of life. Of course, there would be a place for charity but not
for the middlemen who siphon off a great deal of the till for themselves.
William
_____________

Lloyd
says he already won the lottery, spent it, and he is broke:)

We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman

__________________

COMICS

omg
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z021.html

Little Johnny
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z022.html

worst thing in the world
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z023.html

exit
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z024.html

rob the train
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z025.html

_____________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

trojan
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1452.html

Big Package - Funny McDonalds Commercial
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1453.html

caution: smoking can be hazardous to your health

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two
drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says,
'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today..'
The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.'
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says,
'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'
The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming up,' says the bartender.
As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too.'
The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming right up,' the bartender says.
As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity.
Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'
The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to
hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'

__________________

A man was driving recklessly down the interstate one day and his girlfriend
in the passenger seat was getting very upset. The man finally realized that
she was not happy with his driving and said, "Baby I'm sorry for driving so
recklessly; I should be more careful when I have precious cargo!"
The girlfriend looked at him and said, "Oh, that's so sweet, baby!"
Then the guy quickly corrected her, "No, no! I mean the golf clubs in the back!"
_______________________

A man was on a safari deep, deep in the jungle when he suddenly found himself
surrounded by fierce-looking natives! As they moved closer, he remembered an old trick he saw in a movie.
Quickly, pulling out his Bic lighter, he flicked the flame towards the leader of the natives.
Astonished, the leader jumped back several feet and gasped, "Wow! That's incredible!"
"You'd better believe it's incredible," said the man, all the while waving the flame at him.
"It certainly is," says the leader. I can't remember the last time I saw a
lighter that worked the first time you flicked it!"

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

2012-01-17T21:34:00.000-08:00

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

"It is impossible to begin to learn
that which one thinks one already knows."
Epictetus

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
So. you ever ask yourself what you would do if you
won the powerball, or in some other way you became wildly
rich, for once? First thing, most of you would probably
quit your job, right? Well, understandable, considering
you spend a great deal of each day there and it is not your
first choice. But you know what? After taking medical retirement
a few years ago, you know what I think I would do?
If I won the lottery and became filthy rich, I would probably
buy myself a company. That way I would have a place where I could go and
work and nobody would be able to say I couldn't because I was the boss. See
how fun that would be? I could set my own pace and work as my lung function
allowed. And if I was having one of those "bad days" I could just
sit there. Cuz lemme tellya folks, there is no fun in sittin around all day.
TRUST ME ... s'truth!!!
Folks, if you have a job today and are working, no matter what it is,
even if its taking out the garbage or cleaning the toilet. Be glad you have it.
So, what would YOU do if YOU one the lottery?

We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman

_____________

THE COMICS

makes no sense
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z016.html

emergency room
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z017.html

Its Monday
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z018.html

reassurance
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z019.html

the big bang theory
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z020.html

___________________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

The Scottish drinking song
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1450.html

Memories of WNEW Channel 5
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1451.html

A Canadian and an American were hunting in the Canadian
forest when a Mexican runs across a clearing.
The Canadian immediately shoots him in the back and kills him.
"You can't do that!", cried the American.
"No, no, it's legal here in Canada " replies the Canadian.
Later that night the American goes and buys some beer and puts it on the
roof of his truck to open the door.
Just then a Mexican runs by, grabs the beer off the roof, and runs away.
The American thinks, "No problem" then he shoots him in the back and kills him.
As he is retrieving his beer, the police come and arrest him.
"But I thought it was legal to shoot Mexicans here in Canada !" protests the American.
"Well yeah," says the cop, "but you can't use Bait."
__________________

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter,
a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day....
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive,
mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling
obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins.
The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or stupid?'
So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe
anyone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work
______________

Hurrying to finish her shopping, a young woman slipped on the wet
pavement and fell to the ground. A passing vicar helped her to her
feet, saying, "This is the first time I have picked up a fallen
woman!" To which she replied, "And sir, this is the first time I have been
picked up by a man of the cloth."
________________

An attractive young med student was having coffee with her girlfriend
and complaining about her fiancee's extraordinary sexual appetite. "I
barely have the strength to come to work in the morning," she
murmured. "And now that he's on his vacation, things will probably be
even more intense when he gets back."
"How long is he off?" the assistant inquired.
"It varies," she replied. "But usually it's just long enough to smoke
a cigarette."
____________________

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman'S Corner

2012-01-17T04:18:00.000-08:00

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

Nothing great will ever be achieved without great men,
and men are great only if they are determined to be so.
Charles de Gaulle

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS
I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes about 6 years ago.
I do my best, but the process of a strict diet can be out of reach,
impossible at times. There may be a season of being a good boy and
counting carbs like I should, or the other day when I sat down to eat
her home made pizza and ate enough of it to feed the entire german
army that invaded Stalingrad during www2. She said what she thought
and she knows I am a pizza fanatic. "well you know that is not
exactly a good thing to do."
"Well if I should not have it, why did you make it for me?"
"Well its your choice on what to do I'm just saying that to me,
I might be making a choice that is a little more intelligent."
Now THAT is something I've never imagined before. I mean think about
it. "Do you really think that there could be a problem with people
walking around thinking that I am intelligent?"
She had no more comment while I ate the 14 or 20 slices.enjoyed
every one of them. I did notice however, that she was still trying
to control her chuckling, even as I finished the 14th piece:)
Nope, intelligence, and the postman? kindof an oxymoron
TRUST ME s' truth

ps...I slept in a sugar induced haze for a couple hours nap afterwards
too...it was wonderful:)

We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman

_________________

THE COMICS

information
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z011.html

eye contact
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z012.html

a bedtime story
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z013.html

you are right, Billy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z014.html

would you believe
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z015.html
________________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

enjoy winning
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1448.html

stay in que
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1449.html

The waitress was tired of this one biker always hitting on her, so she
came up with a plan.
"I'll tell ya what, stud. I'll have sex with ya on two conditions.
First, it'll cost ya 50 bucks. Second, you have to guarantee me that
bells will ring and lights will flash."
He smiled, handed her $50 and led her over to the pinball machine.
______________

The girl is off full of excitement and anxiety, and Mom waits
and waits until just after midnight when she's back.
"How was it?" asks mom.
"Oh mom, it was absolutely fantastic, and I think I'm in love!"
"Lets not go too fast dear. And did he tried to come too close?"
"Well, yes, he did and I did as you said and he was absolutely careful not to hurt or harm me!"
"What do you mean careful, did you let him do something?"
"Not exactly mom, see it was like that. First he wanted to kiss me andI told him what you said, and he stopped.
Then he went to touch my breast and again I told him what you said, and he stopped.
Then he slowly went under my skirt close to the private part, and I told him
what you said, and he then took his hands out and said; "What a coincidence, I happen to have a nice piece of
"Fillet" and would love to put it in your "Grill" to cook!!"
"WHAT?!?" screams the mother, "I knew that bastard is no different to the others.
You hopefully stopped him there too, didn't you?"
"Well, not really mom. You see, he promised to be careful and was very careful not to "burn" his fillet.
Every now and then he took it out and had me "taste it" to see if it was cooked or not."
______________

Dirty Johnny is delivering newspapers...
He knocks on a door, a lady answers, and he says, "Collecting... that'll be five dollars."
She says, "I'm a little short on cash, but if you want, I'll give you sex instead."
Johnny says, "All right."
He walks in, she undoes his pants, pulls them down, and there's the
biggest dick she's ever seen. Johnny reaches into his shirt pocket,
pulls out a handful of huge washers, and starts sliding them onto his dick. She says,
"You don't have to do that...I can take all of it."
He says, "Not for five bucks you can't."
_______________

I met a fairy today that said she would grant me one wish.
"I want to live forever," I said.
"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"
"Fine," I said, "then I want to die after Congress gets their heads out of
their asses!"
"You crafty bastard," said the fairy.

____________________

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
MARTIN AKA THE POSTMAN

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner (Monday)

2012-01-15T22:52:00.000-08:00

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

If you have a garden and a library,
you have everything you need.
Marcus Tullius Cicero

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
So, republicans, is Romney going to be the ticket
this year? He seems to grow in power and following every day,
Perhaps not my favorite, and a little more liberal a choice
for me, but I suppose I can live with it. I refuse to be a
card carrying Republican, so I cannot complain about who is
chosen for the nominee. In all my voting years, tho,
the only democrat I ever voted for was Jimmy Carter.
You know what is interesting? George W. Bush has had
no comment on who he endorses. In fact, I get the feeling nobody
has asked him either. Maybe nobody cares what he thinks?
GO FIGGER

We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman

___________

THE COMICS

wrong hole
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z006.html

caution
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z007.html

delicious
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z008.html

chocolate
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z009.html

glass of water
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z010.html
_________________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

the miracle of plastic
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1446.html

dirty bastard
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1447.html

Dave was   staring sadly into his pint and sighed heavily.
"What's up Dave" asked the   Landlord
"It's my four   year old son" the man replied.
"Don't tell me, he's in trouble for   fighting in school?
my lad's just the same forget about it, it   happens to boys that age" said the landlord, sympathetically.
" I only   wish it was that" continued the customer, " but it's
far worse than   that. The little bastard has got our gorgeous 18 year old next door   neighbor pregnant."
"Get away, that's impossible!" gasped the landlord
"It's not" said the man "the little shit stuck a pin in all my   condoms"
______________

On the first day of the school term the shop teacher was surprised to
see a rather proper-looking young lady sitting in the front row of his
classroom. Her name was Emily and she was the only girl to sign up for the woodwork class.
The bemused teacher asked her if she was sure she was in the right
class. Emily assured him that she was.
The teacher, still somewhat puzzled, added, "This course may be a
bit out of your league. Do you have any experience at all working with tools?"
"What exactly do you mean?" Emily asked.
"Well, for example, do you know the difference between a nail,
a screw and a bolt?" the teacher expounded.
After pondering for a moment, Emily admitted, "I can't really say,
since I've never been 'bolted' before."
__________________

A   woman is in bed with her lover who also happens
to be her husband's best   friend. They make love for
hours, and afterward they're just lying there,   enjoying
the nearness of each other.
The phone rings, and because it's   the woman's house, she reaches over and picks up the receiver.
Her lover   looks over and listens, only hearing her
side of the conversation. She is   speaking in a cheery voice.
"Hello? Oh, hi! So glad you called. Really.   That's wonderful!
I'm so happy for you. Sounds terrific. Great! Thanks!   Okay. Buh-bye."
She hangs up the phone and her lover asks, "Who was   that?"
"Oh," she replies, " that was my husband telling me what
a   wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

Funzines - Video Fun for January 15, 2012

2012-01-15T17:15:00.000-08:00

As many of you noticed, I am slowing down a bit this year. I am not

going to freak out if I don’t get some issues done. If you are missing your

Funzines, don’t forget that I have a couple of groups that members post.

Go to my home page http://funzines.net and check them out!

Donate either by PayPal, gift certificate, or my home addy.

http://funzines.net/donations.htm

****

Thank you to the most recent donors:

Ray (with cookies)

Bruce

James

Jack

****

For Fun and Games:

http://www.sextoyfun.com/dyanlyn

http://www.funzines.net/adultsonly.htm

************

Check out the after Christmas sales:

http://funzines.net/amazon.htm

************

Check this out...........I have gotten some good stuff here.

http://funzines.net/dealoftheday.htm

************

Thank you,

Dyan

[PostmansCorner] THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

2012-01-15T16:12:00.001-08:00

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

GOOD Evening POSTMAN FANS
pretty busy day today so we shall
make it a short one.
enjoy!
Martin aka the postman

THE COMICS

Ted uses windows
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z001.html

photo
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z002.html

only with you darling
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z003.html

its simple
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z004.html

simple logic
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/z005.html
__________________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

a happy dog
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1445.html

A Chinese guy goes to a Jewish guy to buy Black Bras, Size 38.
The Jewish guy, known for his skills as a businessman,
Says that Black Bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult
to buy them from his suppliers.
Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.
The Chinese guy buys 25 Bras.
He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.
The Jewish guy tells him that they have become even harder to get
and charges him $60.00 each.
The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the Jewish guy's remaining stock
of 50, and this time for $75.00 each.
The Jew is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black
size 38 Bras and asks the Chinese guy, "...please tell me -
"What do you do with all these Black Bras?"
The Chinese guy answers:
"I cut them in half and sell them as Skull Caps to you Jewish guys for $200.00
each."
_________________

A Catholic priest, an Indian doctor, a rich Chinese businessman and an Italian
from New Jersey were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.
The Italian from New Jersey fumed, "What's with those jerks? We're waiting fifteen minutes between shots!'
The Indian doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such poor golf!'
The Chinese businessman called out, 'Move it, time is money!'
The Catholic priest said, 'Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.
Excuse me, sir!' said the priest, 'What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'
The greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters.They lost
their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.'
The group fell silent for a moment.
The Catholic priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'
The Indian doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague
and see if there's anything that he might be able to do for them.'
The Chinese businessman replied, 'I think I'll donate $50,000 to the fire fighters union in honor of these brave souls!'
The Italian from New Jersey said, 'Why the f*ck can't they play at night?
________________

At the end of the workday, one cowboy tells another, "That new bull nearly did me in today, partner."
"Oh yeah, what happened?"
"I was putting out the feed, when the sucker came charging at me like a locomotive from hell. He damn near got me!"
"So, how'd you get away?"
"The bull kept slipping. He slipped three times, and that gave me a chance to make it to the fence and jump over."
"Man, that's scary. If it'd been me, I woulda probably shit all over the place."
"I DID! What do you think that bull was slipping in?"

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

2012-01-14T01:54:00.000-08:00

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

But, sir, I shall take the path of
duty and shall not swerve from it.
Benjamin F. Wade

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Yesterday came and went without incident.
Unremarkable since most days do without major
trauma. However, did you notice yesterday was
Friday the 13th? I did not realize it until the
afternoon when I stumbled across a readers email,
wonder why u would remind someone of that?
Merry Friday the 13th? sorta like Merry Christmas?

Oh well. Yesterday also came and went with out the
materialization of the major snow event that the weather
guys were saying it was gonna be.We got maybe 3 or 4
inches of fluff at the most. My pappy always
went to the farmers alamac for the days weather.
More often than not, it was more reliable.

Nothing will ever compare to the winter of '81.
that was a real blow out and I got stuck in a snow drift
for over 8 hrs. I was on the clock in a company vehicle.
and my employer refused to send a tow truck for me
and said he would come out in the morning himself, since
he did not want to pay tow fees. it was ok because I was
on the clock and I had a good amount of coffee and food
in the vehicle, so I didn't suffer. He probably paid
me more in wages than it would have cost in the towing.
GO FIGGER

We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman

________________

THE COMICS

sleep walking neighbor
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y076.html

thank you
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y077.html

the size of it
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y078.html

ebay opportunity
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y079.html

not faking it
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y080.html
_________________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

caught in the dressing room
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1441.html

the electric fence
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1442.html

automated
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1443.html

pussy cat
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1444.html

A hunter walking through the jungle, found a huge, dead
dinosaur, with a pigmy standing beside it. Amazed, he asked,
"Did you kill that?"
The pigmy said, "Yes."
The hunter asked, "How could a little bloke like you kill
a huge beast like that?"
The pigmy said, "I killed it with my club."
The astonished hunter asked, "How big is your club?"
The pigmy replied, "There are about two hundred of us."
_____________

The counselor was helping the kids put their stuff away on their
first day in summer camp. He was surprised to see one of the youngsters had an umbrella.
The counselor asked him, "Why did you bring an umbrella to camp?"
The kid answered, "Didn't you ever have a mother?"
_______________

A fellow from the city was driving through the country one day when
he came upon a quaint farmhouse alongside of the road - and there
was even a farmer standing out front. So the city boy decided to stop and talk to the farmer.
"Good morning, sir," he said, "I was driving by, admiring the country,
'cause I'm a city boy, and I couldn't help but notice that you have a field
full of cows on your farm. Now I've lived in the city all my life and
I've never tried any fresh country milk. If it's all right with you,
I'd like to try some fresh country milk from your cows."
The farmer replied, "Son, those are bulls! You don't get milk from bulls!!"
And the city boy said, "But I won't hurt your cows. All I want to do is to try some fresh country milk."
The farmer had to try again, "Son, those are BULLS!! You don't get milk from BULLS!!!"
But the city boy persisted, "Really, I won't hurt your COWS!
I just want to try some fresh country milk!!"
So the farmer reluctantly gave in, "Son, knock yourself out."
In a half an hour the city boy returned from the fields carrying a pail
of fresh country milk. The farmer scratched his head and started to speak,
but the city boy jumped in with, "You know, while I was out in the field
getting this lovely fresh country milk, I saw a fence covered with honeysuckles.
And you know, I've been city boy all my life and I've never had any fresh
country honey. If it's all right with you, I'd like to try some fresh country honey from your honeysuckles."
And the farmer replied, "Son, honeysuckles are flowers. You get honey from bees."
But the city boy persisted, "I won't hurt your flowers. I just want to try some fresh country honey."
So the farmer tried again, "Son, honey comes from BEES!"
But the city boy was adamant, "Really, I won't hurt your FLOWERS!
I just want to try some fresh country honey!!"
And the farmer reluctantly gave in again, "Son, be my guest."
In a half an hour the city boy returned with 2 mason jars full of honey.
The farmer scratched his head harder than before and started to speak.
Just then the city boy said,"You know, I'm a city boy - been a city boy all my
life. Now while I was out getting some of that fresh country honey,
I noticed that you also have a field full of pussy willows ..."
"Hold on son," interrupted the farmer, "let me get my hat."
_________________

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

2012-01-12T22:41:00.000-08:00

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

To forget one's purpose is the commonest form of stupidity.
Friedrich Nietzsche

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS

Perhaps one of the simplest ways to change your mood or mental outlook is to remind
yourself of all the good things in your life. Reflecting on how far you have come,
what you have already accomplished, and what you have learned, can be very encouraging.
Appreciating your dearest friends, your closest family members, your favorite possessions
and of course yourself can bring a smile to your face.
If you need a lift or an attitude adjustment, try to appreciate and reflect on the good
things. Count your blessings. It can be done anytime and any place

We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman

_______________

THE COMICS

one day on a walk
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y071.html

oh oh
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y072.html

nuclear power
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y073.html

a good question
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y074.html

rimming
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y075.html
_______________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

yoga cat
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1438.html

wheel of fortune
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1439.html

Best of Comedy Central Roasts-Greg Giraldo
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1440.html

Ole and Lena are sixty-nining when Ole says,
"Lena did you know there are 117,000 musk-ox in Alaska?"
Lena says, "No, I didn't. Gee, you're smart."
Ole says, "And Lena, did you know there are 482,000 grizzly bears living in Alaska?"
Lena says, "No I didn't. Gee, you're smart."
Ole says, "And Lena, did you know there are over 2,000,000 caribou living in Alaska?"
"No", says Lena sort of wondering how this conversation came about in the middle of their sex
play. "How did you get so smart?"
Ole says, "Remember last winter when we ran out of toilet paper and we had to use the pages out of
magazines?" "Yes, I remember," says Lena.
"Well, you still have page 63 of the National Geographic stuck to your ass."
___________________________________

This blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup.
So, she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!"
The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a mini-van."
But the blonde keeps screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home."
Finally, the manager comes over and says, Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't possibly
have won a motor home, because we didn't have that as a prize!"
The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motor home!"
So, she hands the ticket to the manager and he reads, WIN A BAGEL
__________________

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all
of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the
helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a
building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped
determine their position in Seatle.
The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because, similar to their
help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
______________

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

2012-01-11T23:53:00.000-08:00

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

Without God, democracy will not and cannot long endure.
Ronald Reagan

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!

FROM:
THE IMVESTIGATIVE REPORTS BUREAU OF
THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

US Marines Rescue Taliban Sex Slaves

We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
__________________

THE COMICS

a bailout
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y066.html

a traffic cop
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y067.html

first date
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y068.html

the code
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y069.html

Mr. Whipple
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y070.html

_______________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

to be a republican
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1434.html

Budlight
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1435.html

funny pics
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1436.html

Doritos
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1437.html

A penis is a splendid thing; you ladies should be jealous.
An organ with such lovely skin, it's smooth and mostly hairless.

It starts to grow so quickly when a guy's about thirteen,
His testicles on either side, his willy in between.

It dangles neatly down below; it's softly warm and loyal.
But at the slightest hint of lust, it's ready to uncoil.

It seems to have a mind all of its own; it's like an untamed beast,
It squirms and writhes and stretches out, just when you 'spect it least.

Sometimes, yes, it misbehaves, erecting when it shouldn't.
A bumpy train ride sets it off, and then I wish it wouldn't.

During summer, wearing little, sunning on the beach,
A glimpse of wobbly boobs or bums will make it squirm and reach.

But handle it with love and care, for it will give great pleasure.
I often check if it has grown - now when did I last measure?

Some men will fret about their size: they give it lots of thought;
Is seven inches long enough? It makes them quite distraught.

They sneak a look in toilets, wondering what they'll see,
But if another glances back at them, there's no way they can pee!

Masturbating is a sin - at least some folks believe.
That's just some old wives' tale, 'cause it really can relieve.

Without this super organ, no shag would be complete.
Lesbians can try their best, but must admit defeat.

It has some splendid functions, I'm sure you will agree:
To start a whole new life, and more than that - to pee!

But what seems most amazing about my one-eyed flute,
Whatever it is doing, it knows which juice to shoot.

And better yet, it stays with one, until one's old and frail.
Don't take it out in public though, or you'll be thrown in jail.
______________________

Two Women were chatting in the house. Woman 1: "I had sex last night, did you?"
Woman 2: "Yes."
Woman 1: "Was it good?"
Woman 2: "No, it was a disaster... My husband came home, ate his dinner
in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes,
rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?"
Woman 1: "Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a
romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home
he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We
then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked
for an hour. It was like a fairytale!"
- - - - -
At the same time, their husbands were talking at work. Husband 1:
" You wanted sex last night, how was it?"
Husband 2: "Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate,
screwed my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?"
Husband 1: "It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because
they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had
to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't
have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour --
and when we got home, remember there was no electricity, so I had to
light candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it
up for an hour and then I couldn't come for another hour. After I finally
did, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was
jabbering away for another damn hour."
____________

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[buffalos-adult-chips] buffalo says

2012-01-11T08:52:00.000-08:00

Good morning to all of our readers. My Vista computer that I prepare the lists
on is free of malware but between various power failures and having to shut the
power off during freeze-ups, I have lost my hard drive. I have a spare hard drive
and an XP computer but I will busy till this weekend before I can make repairs.
I would use the Windows 7 computer but Windows Live Mail and I are not getting
along well and Outlook 2003 had problems with sending mail..

I am just passing this along because I know there are many that get concerned
when they don't hear from me for a couple of days and I wanted t set your minds
at ease. WE will be back.

Although I did have my address backed up and jokes are never a problem I did
lose all of the material for LynnLynn's Katie's Kolumn. I know how much work
went into those pages and BJ's stories so if Melva , Shangy, and Judy could
resend their latest, it would be appreciated.

buffalo

__._,_.___

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__,_._,___

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

2012-01-10T22:48:00.001-08:00

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

If the rich could pay people to die for them,
the poor could make a wonderful living.

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
CHICAGO (AP) Smoking a joint once a week or a bit more
apparently doesn't harm the lungs, suggests a 20-year study
that bolsters evidence that marijuana doesn't do the kind of
damage tobacco does.

According to this study then, I wonder if I can get a medical permit for marijuana to treat my emphasyma?
Now that Michigan offers health permits for its medical use,
I'm sure that would be a good thing, right?

Did you know this is National Puppy Week?
Check out these puppies.

We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_____________

THE COMICS

12%
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y061.html

gettin it up
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y062.html

sad
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y063.html

the basketball
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y064.html

one pill
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y065.html

________________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

Dutch cell phone
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1431.html

money shouldnt buy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1432.html

fishing
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1433.html

They enjoyed each other's company very much and at the end of the
eveningSuzi invited Joe to her place, where they quickly got
involved in a verypassionate and energetic session in bed together.
Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and
snuggled up close to each other.
After a short while, Suzi began tenderly stroking Joe's manhood.
Surprised but appreciative, Joe comments, "Surely you can't be ready for more?
Suzi replies, "No, but every now and then I get a bit nostalgic,
and I miss the days when I had mine... "
________________

Mary and Sue were always trying to get the other's goat and
today they were meeting for lunch.
Mary noticed that Sue was walking bowlegged and asked what the problem was.
Sue replied, "Oh nothing. It's just that my
husband is so big, I just can't take it."
Mary replied, "I know. I know."
________________

Q: Why are women like parking spaces?
A: The best ones are taken and the rest are disabled!

Why did the blonde give up bowling for screwing?
A. The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when
your mouth is moving.

"My girlfriend can't have orgasms during sex....but it's not a problem, because I can"
______________________

"My but you look different today Claudia." commented Rene
to her co-worker.
"Your hair is extra curly, and you have this wide-eyed look.
What did you use -- special curlers and some dramatic eye make-up ?"
"No !" replied Claudia. "My damn vibrator shorted out this
morning."
_______________

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I
don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place
'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, they guy reaches for his cigarettes But the girl,
thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile,
"Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!"
______________

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

Funzine - Adult Cartoons for January 11, 2012

2012-01-10T17:45:00.000-08:00

As many of you noticed, I am slowing down a bit this year. I am not

going to freak out if I don’t get some issues done. If you are missing your

Funzines, don’t forget that I have a couple of groups that members post.

Go to my home page http://funzines.net and check them out!

Donate either by PayPal, gift certificate, or my home addy.

http://funzines.net/donations.htm

****

Thank you to the most recent donors:

Ray (with cookies)

Bruce

James

Jack

****

For Fun and Games:

http://www.prankplace.com/?KBID=2995

http://www.sextoyfun.com/dyanlyn

http://www.funzines.net/adultsonly.htm

http://funzines.net/sexyhalloween.htm

************

Check out the after Christmas sales:

http://funzines.net/amazon.htm

************

Check this out...........I have gotten some good stuff here.

http://funzines.net/dealoftheday.htm

************

Thank you,

Dyan

Funzines - Clean Cartoons for January 11, 2012

2012-01-10T17:41:00.001-08:00

As many of you noticed, I am slowing down a bit this year. I am not

going to freak out if I don’t get some issues done. If you are missing your

Funzines, don’t forget that I have a couple of groups that members post.

Go to my home page http://funzines.net and check them out!

Donate either by PayPal, gift certificate, or my home addy.

http://funzines.net/donations.htm

****

Thank you to the most recent donors:

Ray (with cookies)

Bruce

James

Jack

****

For Fun and Games:

http://www.prankplace.com/?KBID=2995

http://www.sextoyfun.com/dyanlyn

http://www.funzines.net/adultsonly.htm

http://funzines.net/sexyhalloween.htm

************

Check out the after Christmas sales:

http://funzines.net/amazon.htm

************

Check this out...........I have gotten some good stuff here.

http://funzines.net/dealoftheday.htm

************

Thank you,

Dyan

[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

2012-01-09T23:16:00.000-08:00

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and
silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.
George Washington

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS
I never really liked the terminology, "Old Person," but this makes me feel
better about it. And if you ain't one, I bet ya you know one!
I got this from an "Old Personal friend of mine!"
OLD PERSON PRIDE I'm passing this on as I did not want to be the only old
person receiving it. Actually, it's not a bad thing to be called, as you will see.
Old People are easy to spot at sporting events; during the playing of
the National Anthem: Old People remove their caps, stand at attention and sing
without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them.
Old People remember World War II, Pearl Harbor, Guadalcanal, Normandy and Hitler.
They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, the Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon
Landings. They remember the 50-plus Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005, not to mention Vietnam.
If you bump into an Old People on the sidewalk he will apologize. If you pass an
Old Person on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old People trust
strangers and are courtly to women. Old People hold the door for the next person
and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.
Old People get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and
they don't like any filth or dirty language on TV or in movies.
Old People have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag unless it's
about their children or grandchildren.
It's the Old People who know our great country is protected, not by politicians,
but by the young men and women in the military serving their country. This country needs Old
People with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country and decent values.
We need them now more than ever. Thank God for Old People!

We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman

_________________

THE COMICS

a piece
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y056.html

foreclosed
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y057.html

go find er
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y058.html

sexy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y059.html

road rage
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y060.html
________________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

parking the car
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1428.html

dyson vacuum
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1429.html

golf lessons
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1430.html

There was a couple going at it for the first time, and they were
going at it for a while when the guy asks the woman to open her legs a little wider.
She does and they continue.
A few minutes go by and he asks her again, "open your legs a little wider".
She does, then he asks again, "a little wider hun."
The woman starts getting pissed off but she does it.
Till finally he asks again, "Can you open them just a little wider?"
So she finally yells "what are you trying to do get your balls in too?"
He says "no, I'm trying to get them out."
_______________

Dave the sailor docked at New York after a frustrating three-month
voyage. Unfortunately he'd lost most of his pay playing poker on board ship,
so when he eventually found a lady of the night all he could offer her was
50 cents and a pair of sneakers.She refused with disdain.
He wandered around in search of a more accommodating girl, but was refused time and time again.
Eventually he found a more sympathetic lady who told him that although she
could not possibly accept his offer herself, he could always try Mabel down the
road. But she warned him not to expect too much as Mabel was very unresponsive
and would probably just lie there passively.He found Mabel and as times were hard she
reluctantly agreed to accept the 50 cents and the pair of sneakers for her services,
but told him not to expect any kind of response from her.
Dave began the amorous act and after a few minutes was pleased to find an arm reaching
around his back. This was followed shortly after by a leg curling round his rear. Dave,
who had always fancied himself a bit of a Romeo, gasped, "I knew you wouldn't be able to resist my charms."
"Don't flatter yourself lover boy," answered Mabel, "I'm just trying on the sneakers."
__________________

"Do you remember first meeting your wife?"
"Sure, I found Jill lying face down in the gutter. I lifted her to
her feet and promised her that if she agreed to marry me, she would
begin a new life and I'd never allow her near the gutter again."
"Wow, what an incredible story! I hope she appreciates what you did for her."
"Not really. Even though she stunk at it, Jill hated to give up bowling."
________________

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For 1-9-2012

2012-01-09T10:52:00.000-08:00

Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

How does a sailor deal with the lack of a laundromat or a maid?

The Navy promised to do your laundry for you but you could seldom wait
for a
week to get your work clothes back so we all did like people did years
before
washer machines and scrubbed our clothes out down in the engineering
spaces
where we worked and then hung them up in the 120 degree areas of the
space where a vent would blow on them and your clothes were dry in less
than
an
hour. We always had water even if it was short on the ship because we
made
it
down there and we even built washers out of 55 gallon drums that used
steam
and air to agitate the clothes but we were always looking for soap and
bleach.

. Since laundry products were hard to come by at sea we improvised.
Soaps
were easy to find but bleach was a little harder. All of our fresh water
was
batch chlorinated using calcium hypochlorite , HTH, at 70%. This is the
same
stuff that many use in their swimming pools and it is strong stuff. One
8 oz
bottle was usually enough for a 10,000 gallon water tank. It has to be
handled carefully because being a strong oxidizer it releases lots of
heat
and oxygen when it comes in contact with flammables.
One coworker who had the size and mentality of a gorilla failed to heed
the warnings of only using a half capful in a barrel of water. It was
pretty
funny watching him pull his underwear and towels from the barrel. The
material was more like Swiss cheese than anything recognizable. Still
can
see him standing there a t-shirt in one hand scratching his head.
Others failed to heed the warnings on the jar about flammability. One
decided to premix some in a left-over liquid detergent can . there must
have
been a film of it inside the can because the can spit flames three feet
out
of the spout and scared the heck out of the fireman.
I found the stuff really useful though when a red white and blue t-shirt
accidentally found its way into my load of whites. Pink underwear is
extremely unbecoming of a buffalo and reason for many rude comments . A
quick rewash with our homemade bleach saved me from dishonor though.

Enjoy the chips buffalo

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vet Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got home
from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a
long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after which they
had a few more drinks and went happily to bed.

At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang. "Is this the vet?"
asked an elderly lady's voice.

"Yes, it is", replied the vet, "Is this an emergency?"

"Well, sort of", said the elderly lady, "there's a whole bunch of
cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating and I can't
get to sleep. What can I do about it?"

There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then patiently
replied "Open the window and tell them they're wanted on the phone"

"Really?" said the elderly lady, "Will that stop them?"

"Should do," said the vet, "- IT STOPPED ME!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

no dumping
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y051.html

new laws
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y052.html

our daughter
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y053.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Day goes to the optometrist. The Doctor tells her, "You've got to stop
masturbating!"

"Why Doc," she asked, "am I going blind?"

"No," the Doctor explained, "but you're upsetting the other patients in
the waiting room!"

I was shopping at our local supermarket. When I got to the checkout
line, there was a beautiful young blonde ahead of me, firmly embracing a
beautiful brunette, and they were sharing a rather passionate French
kiss.

As she placed her groceries on the checkout stand, the bagger asked the
blonde, "Paper or plastic?"

"It doesn't matter," she replied, "I'm bisacksual."

Jill the call-girl was busily appointing hours to the regulars at her
favorite dive.

"John, you can come at seven-ish. Hey Joe, you can come over at aruond
eight-ish, and you, Jim, I've got you in at around nine-ish."

Then she looked around the crowded, seedy bar, and cooed, "Ten-ish,
anyone?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Exam Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The teacher left her aide in the classroom to distribute the examination
materials to the graduating class of the all-male private school. Her
final instructions were "Be sure to *hand* everything out very carefully
and deliberately." The aide puzzled over this for a moment but couldn't
understand it.

He began giving out the papers, but due to his inexperience found
himself only a quarter done with just a few minutes left until the exam
was due to start. Desperate, he gathered up the rest of the sheets and
began to throw them across the room, yelling "Catch!" to each student as
he did so.

At first it was kind of a playful game, but soon he noticed that even
the students not involved in the sport were beginning to breath heavier.
As the panting turned into grunting, he began to be a little nervous and
backed toward the door, staring from side to side as the behavior became
more and more -- the only word he could think of -- primitive.

As he reached the bottom of the pile of papers and pitched it to the
last student, the room erupted with howling and growling. He was certain
he could see the students physically transforming before his eyes. With
a shout of fright he turned and ran as quickly as he could to the
teachers' lounge.

The teacher took one look at him and leapt to her feet. Startled, he put
a hand to his face and, with a shock, felt a heavy growth of beard that
certainly hadn't been there that morning.

Without a word, the teacher rushed from the room, grabbing her aide's
wrist on the way by. Frantically, they sprinted back to the classroom.

As they rounded the corner, they saw that they were too late. The door
had been torn from its hinges and they glimpsed the hairy back of the
missing-link-like creature that, until mere minutes before, had been a
student with at least a veneer of civilization.

They entered the classroom side by side and stopped dead, as though
choreographed. The destruction was complete: desks smashed into
fragments, blackboards cracked, shredded sheets of the exam everywhere.

She said nothing, but the teacher's eyes were full of reproach.

"But why did it happen?" asked the bewildered assistant.

"You fool, Don't you know what happens to men when they get too much
test tossed around?"

Stan Kegel

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guy goes inside the confessional and says:
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."
"What did you do, my son?"
"Yesterday I was walking along the beach at night,
and I decided to explore a cave near the shore. When
I turned on my flashlight, I saw two men having sex."
"Oh, so you were the asshole with the flashlight?

During a sudden and prolonged cold spell in Grand Forks,
North Dakota this past winter, a really stacked blonde
stopped in to see her former Chemistry Professor. "Professor,
I wonder if you could tell me... er... well... that is... I mean the
exact temperature at which silicone freezes ?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Psych Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A psychiatrist was administering a Rorschach inkblot test to his
patient. The doctor showed the first blot and asked what it resembled.

"That's two poodles having sex," replied the patient.

To the second inkblot, the patient said, "That's a naked gal leaning out
a window, telling all the men who go by to come in and have sex with
her."

The doctor showed him the third inkblot. "That's a pair of crotchless
underpants," the patient said.

Unable to withstand this any longer, the doctor blurted out, "You have a
filthy, disgusting mind!"

"Look who's talking!" the patient cried. "You're the one with all the
dirty pictures."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends

Melva/R&R 2
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Mu/50/M_2.html

BROTHER BOB'S POEMS OF THE WEEK
http://ministry-webs.com/ministry/brotherbob/

Ken w/ A Family Reunion
http://www.gospelman.net/kenssongs/thefamilyreunion.html

Advice For The New Year!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/newyear.html

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

Surfin Surfari

Recycled Futuristic Art Objects Gallery
http://www.alexandromeda.com/

How Products Are Made
http://www.madehow.com:80/

Easy Does It Home Recipes
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/easy.html

Chevy: American Pride!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevypride.html

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

Create printable flyers online
http://www.band-flyers.com/

Watch Horror Movies Online For Free
http://www.fearnet.com/

Conversion Program
http://www.joshmadison.com/software/convert/

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

Animal World

Doggie Zone
http://www.barryswiss.ch/engl/

Kitty Korner
http://www.bandocats.org/

Doggie Zone
http://www.bone-a-fido.com/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Drink Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three 7 year old girls were walking down the street wearing their
mothers' clothing; large hats, high heels, and long dresses. They
passed a bar and one of the girls said, "let's go in for a drink."
They went in and crawled up onto the bar stools. The bartender
laughed and thought he would have some fun. He spoke to the first
little girl and said, "What will you have young lady?" The girl
replied, "I'll have a Martini." The bartender could not give them
any liquor so he filled up a martini glass with 7-UP, placed an
olive in it and put it in front of her. He said to the second girl,
"What will you have today?" She replied, "A Manhattan." The
bartender then filled a Manhattan glass with Ginger- Ale, put in a
cherry in it, and set it in front of her. Next he asked the third
little girl, "What will you have today?" After a long pause she
replied, "I'll have a douche. Mother says they're so refreshing."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a young man from Cape Horn
Who wished he had never been born,
And he wouldn't have been,
If his father has seen
That the tip of his condom was torn.
_____________________________________

There was a young lady of Bicester,
She was nicer by far than her sister;
The sister would giggle,
And wiggle and jiggle,
But this one would come if you kissed her.
_____________________________________

There was a young dancer, Priscillla,
Who flavored her cunt with vanilla.
The taste was so fine,
Men and beasts stood in line,
Including a stud armadilla.
<Snagged by>
Ross

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Questions for Snow White and the 7 Dwarves

1. If Doc is a doctor, why couldn't
he cure Sneezy?
2. Doc, a doctor or not, why didn't
Sneezy go buy some Allerest?
3. Should we call Happy, "You're OK"
and Grumpy, "You're not OK"?
4. If the dwarfs were diamond miners,
why did they live in a shack?
5. Could the Dwarfs beat the Keebler
Elves in a basketball game?
6. Why did the Dwarfs wear condoms
on their heads?
7. If Doc is a doctor, why couldn't he
cure Sleepy's narcolepsy?
8. What if one of the Dwarfs was really
a bewitched prince who awakened
Snow White.
9. What was he doing kissing the sleeping
Snow White?
(not that there is anything wrong with that.)
10. Would the kiss have changed the prince/
dwarf into a frog?
11. Would a lawsuit be filed accusing said
prince/dwarf/frog of sexual harassment?
12. Should there be a Starrgate investigation
of the prince/dwarf/frog's sexual behavior?
13. Were The Brothers Grimm and Disney
guilty of obstruction of justice?

Please send your solutions to the nearest
convening authority!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2136

The House Tree

Sandi tore off for home leaving Val and Rudy to pull the wagon home.

BJ: She has a plan that is for certain.

Diana: We will find out soon enough.

Later upon entering their home, they find a huge decorated tree in the
middle of the
living room.

BJ: The tree is beautiful Sandi. Where did you get it?

Katie: I know exactly where she got it.

Sandi: Now be quiet Katie.

Katie: Mumble mumble.

Val: Hey isn't that the Christmas tree from your dog house Katie?

Katie under her breath: I was going to bring it here anyway.

Rudy slaps Katie on the back nearly sending her across the room: Good
girl!

Diana: How about some eggnog everyone?

BJ: Merry Christmas!

The herd

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult

*********************************************

Remember 9/11/01

Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list

In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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[PostmansCorner] The Postman's Corner

2012-01-08T23:08:00.000-08:00

THE POSTMANS CORNER

Do not let spacious plans for a new world
divert your energies from saving what is left of the old.
Winston Churchill

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Its another Monday morning. I hope all of you
have a great day. This is the dreary time of year.
Days are shorter. its colder, you got your credit
card bill for xmas. Gotta do the taxes. yah, kinda
a drag right! Well nuff said, lets do a little joke
or two this morning. it will do the body good!

We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin

_____________

THE COMICS

no dumping
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y051.html

new laws
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y052.html

our daughter
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y053.html

how do you know
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y054.html

at work today
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y055.html
______________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

the red green show
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1426.html

the french revolution
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1427.html

Morris was screwing his best friend's wife when he suddenly
stopped and sat on the edge of the bed, holding his head in his hands.
"What the hell is your problem?" the lady asked.
"I feel like a regular son of a bitch, getting my best friend's pussy," the man moaned.
The lady reached over and patted him on the back.
"Well, if that's all it is, you can stop worrying," she said.
You're not getting his pussy...."His pussy is three to four inches deeper."
____________

A mortician was laying out the body of a man with an unbelievably long penis.
He called in his receptionist to show her.
She took one look and said, "It's just like my husband's penis."
"Wow, you mean he's got one that long?" the mortician asked.
"No," she replied. "That dead."
_______________

A man's balls had turned brown and he was worried so he made an Appointment with his doctor.
When he got home from the appointment he sat down in his chair in the living room.
He hollered for his wife to come from the kitchen.
After a while when she didn't come he hollered again.
After the third time she hollered back, "I haven't got time.
I am fixing dinner; I have clothes here to iron, the baby is crying and needs
changed. I don't have time to wipe my ass.
He said," That's what I want to talk to you about".
___________________

A long married couple was in the mall attempting
To finish their Christmas shopping. The wife noticed hubby
had disappeared and dialed his cell phone, demanding "
where in the hell are you?" Hubby responded " you'll recall
the jewelery store where you just fell in love with that diamond
necklace and I told you someday that will be yours ".....Wife
blushed saying " of course, Darling, I do remember ".....
Hubby finished off saying " well, I'm in the bar right next door
________________

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

Funzines - Video Fun for January 9, 2012

2012-01-08T17:51:00.000-08:00

As many of you noticed, I am taking a bit of a rest this year. I am not

going to freak out if I don’t get some issues done. If you are missing the

Funzines, don’t forget that I have a couple of groups that members post.

Go to my home page http://funzines.net and check them out!

Donate either by PayPal, gift certificate, or my home addy.

http://funzines.net/donations.htm

****

Thank you to the most recent donors:

Ray (with cookies)

Bruce

James

Jack

****

For Fun and Games:

http://www.prankplace.com/?KBID=2995

http://www.sextoyfun.com/dyanlyn

http://www.funzines.net/adultsonly.htm

http://funzines.net/sexyhalloween.htm

************

Check out the after Christmas sales:

http://funzines.net/amazon.htm

************

Check this out...........I have gotten some good stuff here.

http://funzines.net/dealoftheday.htm

************

Thank you,

Dyan

[PostmansCorner] THE POSTMANS CORNER

2012-01-07T23:44:00.001-08:00

THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

There is not any memory with less satisfaction than
the memory of some temptation we resisted.
James Branch Cabell

__________________

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!

GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
This truly is a remarkable season for us Michiganders.
AFTER the holiday season, and there is still no snow on
the ground. Well, at least for us here in beautiful West Michigan.
Fortunately for the postman clan, we live "out of reach" from the nasty
lake affect weather. That's about an hour or so east of Lk Michigan.
The winter storms usually roar in off the lake dumping tons of white stuff,
They usually manage to peter out by the time they get here. A good thing. But, even
so, the weather has been rather warm also. I was standing out side with Turk the dog
aka Carlos the rat the other day, and in shirt sleeves. Sun shining. it was gorgeous.
Well. now I am talking about the nice weather, I've probably jynxed it up and
we, I am sure, will get a ton dumped on us. No matter.There is no rushing
need for me to go anywhere soon, not much of anything to for me to worry about anything,
the War department has enough food stock piled in this house to last
for at least a nucular holocaust before we start to starve to death.
and, given my waistline, that is gonna take some time.
TRUST ME...s' truth!!!!

We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman

The Comics

Burglars
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y046.html

the buffet
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y047.html

enough money
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y048.html

alternative fuel
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y049.html

for 20 bucks
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/y050.html

_______________

LETS GO TO THE MOVIES

a ringtone
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1425.html

a blond wrestler
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/a1424.html

T'was the month after Christmas,
and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me,
not even a blouse.
1_multipart?2_image001.gif
The cookies I'd nibbled,
the chocolate I'd taste
At the holiday parties
had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales
there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store
(less a walk than a lumber),
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt...
I said to myself, as I only can,
"You can't spend the winter disguised as a man!"
1_multipart?4_image003.gif
So, away went the last of the sour cream dip.
Got rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie, not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie.
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore...
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet.
________________

A woman goes to her boyfriends' parents' house for dinner.
This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks
To her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are
Almost making her eyes water.
Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit
And lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table
Heard the pouf.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's
Father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the
woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!".
The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came
Across her face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain
Again.
This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and
Longer fart rip.
The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!". A few
Minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even
Think about it.
She let rip a fart that rivaled a Fog Horn blowing.
Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy,
Get away from her before she shits on you!"
_______________

The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed,
good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
'May I help you sir?' she asked.
'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.
'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies.
Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam.
'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit.
Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand
dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.
Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as
she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still $5000.
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie,
and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded
that he had come for a third consecutive night,
but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie questioned the man,
'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row.
Where are you from?' she asked.
The man replied, ' Ontario '.
'Really?', she said. 'I have family in Ontario .'
'I know.' the man said. 'Your sister died, and I am her attorney.
She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.'
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer

THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM
Martin aka the postman

__._,_.___

__,_._,___

[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For 1-8-12

2012-01-07T21:12:00.000-08:00

Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

I woke up early Thursday morning and started on my email so I
would have time to do the chips before TOPS. I would stop for
a few minutes and pop over to Farmville and do my crops and
as I went back to my mail the computer stopped responding. I
ran scans with AVAST and Super Anti Spyware in both normal
and safe mode and then transferred a new copy of Malwarebytes
with a flash drive as the one I had on the computer wouldn't
run. I suspect it also had a proxy server running on it as I couldn't
get my Avast to show as running along with the Firewall and
when I looked for system Restore it said I had no restore points.
Not to ignore a possible hardware problem I removed the CPU
fan and checked the radiator and reseated the RAM and PCI
cards. and when I took a break on Friday afternoon it had a black
screen and a cursor but would run normal in Safe Mode. When
I started back in Fri evening I removed all of the software I had
installed in the past several weeks including Open Office and
the Excel Viewer because at that point I didn't even trust MS.
Armed with RKILL which is supposed to shut down dangerous
processes I reran all of my scans with no luck and finally about
0400 I hit it with Combofix. It crippled the malware on the first
scan and gave me a long report of what it had done but I still
had a few errors and after a couple of hours the computer had
slowed down again and I ran combofix one more time and reinstalled
AVAST as Combofix kept telling me to disable AVAST before
running Combofix so I removed it completely and it still said it was
there.That is the effects of the proxy server modifying the data you
are receiving. It has been running smoothly for about 12 hours
now so it looks like I got the rascal. The people up here that
charge 75.00 to remove malware would have definitely earned
their money and with Best Buy it would have been cheaper to
buy a new computer.

What bothers me is that I never got the usual malware notice
telling me my computer was infected and asking if I wanted to
scan for an infection which normally downloads the infection.
Whatever did it was subtle enough I missed it.

In addition to computer problems the website is also down till we
get the domain reregistered.

Enjoy the chips... buffalo

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whorehouse Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One afternoon, in the yard of a bawdy house in a red light district of
New Orleans two young boys were playing with their toy cars and trucks,
oblivious to their environment. Innocent of the ways of the world, they
had chosen this yard for its bare spots and patches, where dusty dirt
and toy cars mixed perfectly.
After a while, two gentlemen walked up to the front door, speaking to
each other as they passed the boys:
FIRST MAN - "Have you got the twenty dollars?" SECOND MAN - "I've got it
right here."
The men disappear into the house, and the boys resume playing in the
yard, curious, but not too curious. About an hour later, the same two
men exit the house, again speaking as they pass the boys: FIRST MAN -
"Now, didn't I tell you that was worth twenty bucks?" SECOND MAN -
"Yeah, that was great. I'm glad we came." The men walk off, and the two
youngsters look at each other meaningfully and begin digging into their
jeans.
BOY ONE - "I got twenny cents!"
BOY TWO - "Let's go, I got a quarter!"
So they proceed to cross the porch and knock on the door, shuffling and
sniffling as they wait for the door to be answered. Finally the Madame
opens the door, and after looking around, looks low enough to spot the
boys wiggling in their nervousness.
MADAME - "Whadda YOU boys doin' here. GEDDADA here!" BOY ONE, who has
collected their pooled resources, takes the initiative: BOY ONE -
"Please Ma'am, can we have 45 cents worth of what those guys just got
for twenny bucks?"
MADAME - (Never one to pass up easy cash) "Where's your money?" As BOY
ONE holds up the $.45, she grabs it, opens her housecoat slightly and
puts her fingers down her panties, then rubs them under each boys nose.
After this the Madame yells, "Now GEDDADA here!" and slams the door. As
the boys slowly walk across the porch, they speak: BOY ONE - "Well,
whaddaya think?"
BOY TWO - "Oh, it was ok, but I don't think I could take twenny dollars
worth!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Snow Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-- Jim Nash, associate editor of the Business Journal (San Jose and the
Silicon Valley, Calif.), contributes, "Thought I'd tell you about one of
the rare times the unadulterated truth saw print. Jon Young, the
photographer at the Crystal Lake (Ill.) Herald had just gotten out of
the darkroom after printing up a photo of a surprise spring snowfall of
several inches in a couple hours. He wrote a cutline, but could not get
the weather service to return his call asking for an official statement
on inches. Jon took off for dinner. The number arrived after he left,
and was inserted by a rushed reporter. When Jon called later to see if
there were any questions for him, he was told there were none. The
cutline was pasted up thusly:
"'Arthur Loy, foreground, and his mother, Judy, used teamwork
Sunday to clear their sidewalk of nearly seven inches of snow that fell
Saturday evening. Though a shitload of snow fell Saturday, snowplow
crews had most major streets cleared by Sunday.'
"'Twas the only edition of the Herald that has ever sold out."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Midget Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A midget went into a whorehouse. None of the girls wanted to provide the
service for him, so finally they drew lots and Julie was the unlucky
one. So they went up to the room. A minute later, there was a loud
scream. The madam and all the girls charged up the staircase and into
the room. Julie lay on the floor in a dead faint. Standing next to the
bed was the midget, nude, and with a two foot penis hanging down and
touching the floor. The girls were awe struck by the sight. Finally, one
of the girls says," sir, would you mind if I felt it? I've never seen
anything like that before." The midget replies," Okay, honey. But only
touching. No sucking. I used to be six feet tall!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Men Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How men think

I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend the other day.

We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used
to
enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be
interested in
meeting up and rekindling a little of that "magic".

"Wow!" I said. "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now. I'm a
bit
older and a bit balder than when you last saw me."

She just giggled and said she was sure I'd "rise" to the challenge.

"Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline
that's a few inches Wider these days!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me saying
that
tubby bald men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great
lover.

Anyway, she giggled and said, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"

So I told her to get lost!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Johnny was playing in his room
when his dad walked in and explained
that he and his mom were getting a divorce.

"Why Daddy?" asked a confused Little
Johnny.

"Well, son" he explained, "Your mother
and I are no longer in love."

Now more confused, Little Johnny asked,
"What does being in love mean?"

The father explained, "Let me give you
an example, son. Love is when a husband
rushes home from a long day at work to
embrace and kiss his wife at the door.
Your mom and I have lost that love..."

Then little Johnny said, "But Daddy,
I see Mommy getting excited lots of times
right when you come home, so she must
still be in love with you."

The father was rather confused with his son's
statement since he had personally never
experienced this as of late. "I don't understand,
son. When has your mother recently been
excited when I arrive home from work?"

Little Johnny replied, "Well, sometimes when
Mommy is still playing in bed with the neighbor,
and you pull into the driveway, she shouts at
the top of her lungs, 'My husband's home!
My husband's home!!'"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends

Melva/R&R 1
http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Mu/50/50s.html

I'm Not Alone
http://www.poetryinfocus.com/Poetry/Poem056.html

carolyn w/ Don't ~Elvis Presley
http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/elvis/dont.html

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

Surfin Surfari

Color Blind test
http://www.colorvisiontesting.com/

City Silhouettes
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/citys.html

Crayola Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/crayolaart.html

Jobs That Suck!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jobs.html

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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

Enabling Spell Check in Mac OSX
http://www.tuaw.com/2007/05/07/mac-101-enabling-built-in-spell-check

iResize Photo Resizer for Mac Free
http://mac.softpedia.com/get/Graphics/iResize.shtml

Typewriter Art 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/typeart2.html

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Animal World

Doggie Zone Puppy Love
http://www.kerryblues.info/KB/PUPPY_LOVE.HTML

Kitty Korner
http://www.catnetwork.com/main.asp

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Duck Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LAWYER: "On the morning of July 25th, did you walk from the farmhouse
down the
footpath to the cowshed?"

WITNESS: "I did."

LAWYER: "And as a result, you passed within a few yards of the
duckpond?"

WITNESS: "I did."

LAWYER: "And did you observe anything?"

WITNESS: "I did." (Witness remains silent.)

LAWYER: "Well, could you tell the Court what you saw?"

WITNESS: "I saw George."

LAWYER: " You saw George, the defendant in this case?"

WITNESS: "Yes."

LAWYER: "Can you tell the Court what George was doing?"

WITNESS: "Yes." (Witness remains silent.)

LAWYER: "Well, would you kindly do so?"

WITNESS: " He had his thing stuck into one of the ducks."

LAWYER: "His 'thing?'"

WITNESS: "You know... His thing. His di... I mean, his penis."

LAWYER: "You passed close by the duckpond, the light was good, you were
sober,
you have good eyesight, and you saw this clearly?"

WITNESS: "Yes."

LAWYER: "Did you say anything to him?"

WITNESS: "Of course, I did!"

LAWYER: "What did you say to him?"

WITNESS: "Morning, George."

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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sailor, Ashore In Peru
Said ''Señora, Quanto Por La Screw?''
''For Only One Peso
I Will, If You Say So,
Be Buggered And Nibble It Too.''
________________________

A pirate, so history relates
Was scuffling with some of his mates
When he slipped on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically worthless on dates.
________________________

A Rabbi who came from Peru
Was vainly attempting to screw
His wife said "Oy vey!
If you keep up this way
The Messiah will come before you."
<Snagged by>
Ross

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Parting Chips
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I get irritated when people come down on our law enforcement
officers, saying that they don't care about or respect others. Well,
here is a story that clearly shows not all cops are in that
category.

This story involves Troopers of the Oregon State Police who
reported finding a man's body yesterday in the early evening,
in the Rouge River near GoldBeach. The dead man's name
would not be released until his family had been notified.

The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption
while visiting "someone" in a local bar . He was wearing black
fishnet stockings, 4 inch spiked heels, a red garter belt, a pink
G-string, purple lipstick, dazzle dust on his eyelids, 1/2 inch
false eyelashes and an OBAMA T-shirt.

The Troopers removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any
unnecessary embarrassment.

See there, Oregon State Troopers really do care !!

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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 2135

The Tree

Into the woods the family goes. Sandi and Rudy are pulling a wagon.

Katie: I am cold. How much further? I am hungry.

Val: I sure do like the snow.

BJ: It has been a really nice wet snow. Everything is so pretty. It
is
nice and still.

Diana: Yes, it is very peaceful.

Katie: Did I mention I am thirsty?

BJ: Well pretty much peaceful.

Diana: Look over there in the clearing, there is one tree by itself.

Rudy: A-Roo!!!!

Sandi: It looks perfect.

BJ: Hand me the axe.

Silence...

Sandi: Do we have to? I mean why can't we just decorate this tree
and let it live?

Val: It should be so.

Diana: Okay, let's do it.

Soon ornaments adorned the tree and only one thing was missing... the
Star at the top.

BJ: Let me hold you Val while you put the star at the top.

Val: Okay.

Soon the star was set at the top of the tree and all stood back from the
Tree and admired their work.

Diana: This seems better here than in our home.

BJ: Yes, it does.

Katie: What will we do for a tree at the house?

Sandi: I have a plan.

To be continued

BJ Cassady

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Adult Adult

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Remember 9/11/01

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