Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
We do have a few good holidays to celebrate or
recognize this month like Veteran's Day, Marine
Corps Birthday, and of course Thanksgiving but
if you are looking for something to fill the spaces
in between here's a few:
Bizarre Holidays in November
November 1 is Plan Your Epitaph Day
November 2 is National Deviled Egg Day
November 3 is Sandwich Day and Housewife's Day
November 4 is Waiting For The Barbarians Day
November 5 is Gunpowder Day
November 6 is saxophone Day and Marooned Without A Compass Day
November 7 is National Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day
November 8 is Dunce Day
November 9 is Chaos Never Dies Day
November 10 is Forget-Me-Not Day
November 11 is Air Day
November 12 is National Pizza With The Works Except Anchovies Day
November 13 is National Indian Pudding Day
November 14 is Operation Room Nurse Day
November 15 is National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day
November 16 is Button Day
November 17 is Take A Hike Day
November 18 is Occult Day
November 19 is Have A Bad Day Day
November 20 is Absurdity Day
November 21 is World Hello Day and False Confessions Day
November 22 is Start Your Own Country Day
November 23 is National Cashew Day
November 24 is Use Even If Seal Is Broken Day
November 25 is National Parfait Day
November 26 is Shopping Reminder Day
November 27 is Pins And Needles Day
November 28 is Make Your Own Head Day
November 29 is Square Dance Day
November 30 is Stay At Home Because You're Well Day
Next got a note yesterday,
I hope this week will mean the end of the loooooonnnnnnng lists.
Give us some good short jokes. Puleez.
Renny
OK Renny fortunately we have no shortage of short jokes.
I realize that lists are hard to share at work or with
friends but we like to give our friends all of the humor
available around the holidays.
Take care and break out the skis and snowmobiles, we got
our first dusting last night although it quickly disappeared.
buffalo
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary: I can't believe how boring my life has become.
Jill: What do you mean?
Mary: The only time I hear myself say, "I'm coming" is when I'm
trying to tell my cat I'm getting his food ready!
An old man and old woman had been married for about 52 years when one
day the old woman died. The entire family showed up to the funeral.
Every day after the funeral the old man would show up at the grave
with his dog and spend a few minutes out there. About two months
later a priest saw the old man out there with his dog and decided to
go talk to the old man.
"Hello there. You know, we see you come out here every day to visit
your wife's grave and we just think that so sweet. We were all
wondering if the dog is something that was special to your wife since
you always bring it out here with you."
"No, actually I bring the dog out here to pee on the grave. I'd do it
myself, but I'd get arrested for indecent exposure!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Sperm Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The newly born sperm was receiving instructions in
conception from the instructor: "As soon as you hear
the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight
line until you get to the entrance of a damp
cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red,
sticky ball, which is the egg. Address it and say,
'I'm a sperm. 'She will answer, 'I'm the egg.' From
that moment on you will work together to create
the embryo. Do you understand?" The sperm nodded affirmatively.
The instructor impressed upon the sperm that he had
to swim hard and reach the egg first, otherwise it
would all be pointless. "You really have to swim
for it!"
Two days later, the sperm is taking a kip when he
hears the siren. He wakes up immediately and runs
to the tunnel. Multitudes of sperm swim behind him.
He knows he has to arrive first. When he nears the
entrance of the cavern, he looks back and sees that
he is far ahead of the other sperm but he still swims
his heart out, tail fin aching, just to reach the egg
first. At last he approaches the red, sticky ball,
still way ahead of all the other sperm.
When, at last, he reaches the red sticky ball, he
smiles and says "Hi, I'm a sperm."
The red sticky ball smiles and says
"Hi. I'm a tonsil."
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"What happened to you and that last guy you dated
for so long?" asked Jane.
"Oh, HIM!" exclaimed June. "My God, Jane, he was
just too big for me."
"Oh!" Jane giggled. "Wow! Really? Too big for you,
huh?" "Yep," replied June. "He sure was....a big
liar, a big jerk, and a big asshole!"
A woman was going to marry one of those guys that wants a virgin
bride. Since she was not, she went to a doctor to reconstruct her
hymen. The doctor told her that would cost around $500, but there was
another way that will cost only $50.
The woman agreed to try the cheap way, paid the money, and the doctor
worked on her for several minutes.
After the "first night", the woman came back to the doctor and told
him that it was perfect. The pain, the blood, everything was there.
She asked him how he did it.
"I tied your pubic hair together," he answered.
I saw a beggar who was so broke that he was standing on the corner
shouting as the cars went by WILL WORK FOR CARDBOARD AND A MAGIC
MARKER!"
The loneliness of a middle-aged man and woman - both divorcees,
eventually blossomed into love and finally marriage, but the wedding
night turned into a real disaster.
"You just do not fulfill me sexual expectations,
the following morning.
You're right about that," replied the new husband. "But when I
promised to fill the void in your life, I simply had no idea that it
would be so blooming large!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nature has many laws that hold fast and true.
For example, a baby ape will always grow-up to be an ape; likewise, a
baby baboon will become an adult baboon.
A baby pig will mature into a full-grown pig.
A baby jackass will always become a jackass.
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The nurse at the Pathology Clinic was getting a bit beyond it. She
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One day, a young man came to the laboratory for a blood test. After a
few minutes, the pathologist looked in on the nurse and his patient.
There she was, rapidly stroking the very happy young man's firm
erection.
"Good God, NO!" shouted the pathologist. "Stop it at once! I said,
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Did you hear about the woman that filed for divorce after she had
twelve kids? The reason she put in the divorce papers was for extreme
compatibility!
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Hidden Chips
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This lady goes to the gynecologist but won't reveal to the
receptionist
what's wrong with her, just that she must see a doctor right away.
After
hours of waiting, her name is called, and she's taken to the
examination
room.
The doctor asks, "Okay, my good woman, what is your problem ?"
"Well," she says, "my husband is a very compulsive gambler and every
nickel he can get his hands on he gambles. I have scrimped and saved
every dollar I could to save up $500. I didn't know a safe hiding
place,
so I stuffed it up my vagina. But now, I can't get it out!"
The doctor says, "Don't be nervous. I see things like this all the
time.
He asks her to remove her clothes and sit on the edge of the
examination
table with her legs apart. As he's putting on his rubber gloves, he
glances up at her and asks... "I only have one question. What am I
looking for? Bills or loose change?"
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Asshole Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This lady goes to the gynecologist but won't reveal to the
receptionist
what's wrong with her, just that she must see a doctor right away.
After
hours of waiting, her name is called, and she's taken to the
examination
room.
The doctor asks, "Okay, my good woman, what is your problem ?"
"Well," she says, "my husband is a very compulsive gambler and every
nickel he can get his hands on he gambles. I have scrimped and saved
every dollar I could to save up $500. I didn't know a safe hiding
place,
so I stuffed it up my vagina. But now, I can't get it out!"
The doctor says, "Don't be nervous. I see things like this all the
time.
He asks her to remove her clothes and sit on the edge of the
examination
table with her legs apart. As he's putting on his rubber gloves, he
glances up at her and asks... "I only have one question. What am I
looking for? Bills or loose change?"
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Breaking Up Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hank finally found the nerve to tell his fiancée that he had to break
off their engagement so that he could marry another woman.
"Can she cook like I can?" the distraught woman asked.
"Not on her best day." Hank replied.
"Can she buy you expensive gifts like I do?" she asked.
"No, she's broke."
"Well then, is it sex?"
"Nope,... nobody does it like you, babe."
"Then what is it?? What can she do for you that I can't?"
"She can sue me for child support!"
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Choke On It
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Sorry
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Homo Soap
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Death row...
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Bark Like A Dog
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Cupid
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the kitchen he wanted to boff her.
Satisfaction he tried to proffer.
She replied, "I am sold,
But the floor is too cold."
So he made her a counter-offer.
____________
A methodical fellow named Wade,
Could recall every girl that he'd laid.
He recorded each poke,
Every thrust, every stroke,
And precisely how much he'd been paid.
____________
Priscilla, her breasts bouncing gaily,
Liked to screw with a friendly Israeli.
Just the thought of his schmuck
Got her ready to fuck,
Which they did six or seven times daily.
<snaged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week,
company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and
wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers, "Thank you honey, what would
you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says, "An English girl!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport
and asks "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you".
"And, what happened to my present?".
"Which present?"
"What I asked for the English girl?
"Oh, that? Well, I did what I could, now we have to
wait a few months to see if it is a girl!!!"
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A newlywed couple who were both avid baseball fans attended a game at
Yankee Stadium.
They were still on their honeymoon and very affectionate, hugging and
kissing so much that they weren't able to follow the game.
After a couple of seconds of thought the young bride says, "I've got
an idea, honey. You kiss me on the strikes and I'll kiss you on the
balls."
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1131
An Earned Right
Bedtime... Sandi heads to dad's bed as usual.
Katie heads for the doggie bed which is not usual.
Rudy heads for the couch, as usual.
Ginger heads for BJ's bed.
BJ is in his bed.
Ginger starts to cuddle up to BJ. This is where Sandi usually
snaps at Ginger and chases her away. However, tonight is
different. Sandi growls at Ginger but quickly Sandi backs away
towards the foot of the bed, leaving Ginger with BJ. Sandi is
watching to see what happens next. Sandi will attack if Ginger
becomes a pest or bothers BJ when he tries to sleep.
Ginger snuggles up to BJ and puts her head on BJ's shoulder and
rolls on her back.
Ginger: Wow, I have never been allowed to do this before.
BJ: Enjoy it girl. Girl, you have the biggest grin on your face.
Ginger: I am happy.
Sandi thinking: The timing is right. The place is right. I like the
look on her face. But one night is enough. Try it tomorrow and
Ka-pow!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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